R I C H A R D C H E E S E . C O M



































Here, Richard Cheese himself personally answers some frequently asked questions about his music, his method, and his martinis.


1.0) Where can I buy your albums and your "Atlas Lounged" book?

Our new webstore is:  http://shop.richardcheese.com


1.1)  Are you really retiring?

Yes.  While I truly love my audiences and enjoy meeting and/or groping my fans, I have been doing shows and gigs and concert tours for sixteen long years, so I've decided to take some time off from live performing.  I've also had some vocal cord problems lately, so I've been advised to curtail my singing exploits before I do any irreversible damage.  And, also, my feet hurt!

So, after performing one last round of shows with my Lounge Against The Machine band, I will turn off my microphone, put away my tiger-striped tuxedo, and HEY DON'T TOUCH MY VODKA!!!!!!

We will still be releasing new albums, so don't worry.  And, I want to work on some other projects, such as a Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine concert movie, my Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine book "Atlas Lounged," ( www.atlaslounged.com ), a Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine videogame, and a Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine renewable space train.  And of course, I have a lot of projects planned for our nation's cheerleaders.

To receive news about our future projects, please send an email to us and we'll add you to our fan club update list.

I have loved performing for my wonderful fans, and I've enjoyed playing that swingin' live lounge music over the years, and I and my band appreciate your continued support.  I do hope to return to the stage in 2036 as a DNA replicated clonebot.

Swank you very much!




1.1.2)  Will you and your band still do high-paying corporate events, weddings, and television gigs?

Hell yes, I'm not stupid!  For more info, click the "HIRE THE BAND" link above.



1.2.1)  Did you have an eye operation recently?

No, I had TWO eye operations recently!!  In May 2014, I had corneal transplant surgery in my left eye.  The surgery was a success, but the wound didn't heal right, so I had to have another surgery in the same eye, which was done in December 2015.  By mid-2016, I was finally able to wear a contact lens again and now I have good vision in that eye.  But eventually I will need to get a corneal transplant in my right eye.  So, good times.




1.2.2)  And didn't you have some other surgery on your neck or something?

Yes!  In July 2013, in Orlando, Florida, during our summer U.S. tour, I developed a MRSA staph infection on the back of my neck.  Right after our concert at The House of Blues Disneyworld, I had to have emergency surgery before the infection went into my BRAIN.  The surgery was successful, but it took a long time to recover.  So, I had to cancel the rest of our 2013 tour dates, and I had to postpone my eye surgery, which I had already postponed before because of the hernia surgery.



1.2.3)  What?!?  Hernia surgery???

Yes!  In February 2013, I had to have surgery to repair a hernia, which was probably caused from lifting so many heavy cocktails over the years.  The hernia surgery was successful, as was the other abdominal surgery I had in August 2012.




No!  In February 2012, I developed a blocked blood vessel in my lower abdomen, which was causing me all sorts of pain and prevented me from sleeping for about six months.  That's why we had to cancel a bunch of concert dates in 2012.  After many tests and outrageous medical bills, the doctors performed an operation to repair it.  The surgery in August 2012 was successful, but the problem returned in 2014, and they had to do the surgery again, but first I had to wait until my eye healed.  And that, my friends, is the circle of life.  SO YOU HAD SIX SURGERIES IN THREE YEARS?


August 2012 - abdominal blood vessel repair surgery #1
February 2013 - hernia surgery
July 2013 - neck surgery
May 2014 - cornea transplant surgery
May 2014 - abdominal blood vessel repair surgery #2
December 2015 - cornea repair surgery

Plus in October 2012, I sprained the psoas muscle in my back and I couldn't walk for a couple weeks, in November 2012 I got the norovirus, and in April 2013 I had a cyst removed from my eyelid!



1.2.5)  HOLY SHIT.  YIKES.  WOW.




1.2.6)  What ELSE is going to go wrong with you??

I'm thinking either hangnail or Kuato.



1.2.7)  Will all of these medical stories be in your new "Atlas Lounged" book?

Yes!  Pre-order the eBook now at www.atlaslounged.com



1.2.8)  Will the book include photos of your scars and wounds?




1.2.9)  When you're finally recovered, will you go back on tour?

I don't know, ask my Kuato.



1.3.1)  If you start touring again, when are you coming to play a show in MY town?

Well, we would love to perform everywhere in the world, but since we're an independent band without a major label to cover tour costs, we have to wait until we get hired to play a show.  You can help make this happen by finding us a nightclub or corporate event where we can play a high-paying gig.  If you can get us a bunch of shows in the same area of the country, then we can afford to fly there, pay for hotel suites and minivan rentals, and buy hookers.  Just kidding, it doesn't have to be a minivan.  For more info, visit the booking info page at our "HIRE THE BAND" link.  Warning:  we're expensive! 


1.3.2)  When are you coming to play a show in Australia, Portugal, and Stratford-on-Avon?

As soon as you fly us out there and get us work visas.



1.4)  Why won't you play a show in MY town for ME?

Because I'm not your monkey!

1.5)  Will you play my wedding?

Sure.  Just go to our booking info page and all the information is there.



1.6)  Will you play my party?

Yes.  Just go to our booking info page and all the information is there.



1.7) Will you play my nightclub?

Um, I think we covered this.  Just go to our booking info page and read all the information there.



1.8) What if I want to book you for a show?

Look, this is the last time I'm going to tell you.  Go to the booking info page.


Is it okay if i just send you an email asking you to book a show without reading the booking page?



1.9.1)  So, I can just call you to ask about a booking?

You disgust me.


2.1)  Where the hell is my CD?  I ordered it a long time ago!

Don't worry, it's on the way. We send out our orders by hand, the old-fashioned way, and since we're an independent band without a big staff, it takes us a little extra time.  Thank you for your patience, and email us again in a week if it's not there.  For complete customer service, please visit http://shop.richardcheese.com.  And while you're online, how about buying another CD, huh?




2.2)  Will you send me an autographed picture?

Autographed merchandise is available at http://shop.richardcheese.com



2.3)  Why is the sky blue?




3)  What is up with the "shady cheating jerkweasels" who were ripping you off?

In 2014, I launched a crowdfunding campaign (http://igg.me/at/unitedwelounge) to sell T-shirts to help pay for legal action against certain parties whom had ripped me off.  Here's an excerpt from the campaign description:

Dear Beloved Richard Cheese Fan:

Please buy my new $18 "UNITED WE LOUNGE" T-SHIRT and other stuff so I can afford to hire lawyers to sue the shady cheating jerkweasels who ripped me off!

See, there are these shady cheating jerkweasels who have stolen thousands of dollars from my Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine band. I can't reveal all the details, but there was some shifty accounting, some breach of contract, some credit card fraud, and perhaps even some flight to avoid prosecution. Let's just say shady cheating jerkweasels covers it.

I recently discovered that one of these showbiz swindlers ripped me off for $6,500, another company owes me $8,000, and another business stole $13,000 from me! I am not good at math, but I think that's a total of $27,491!

Anyway, after much legal wrangling, my only option now is to take these personae mofos (that is a Latin legal term) to court.

The reason they stole from me is because they didn't think I would be able to afford to fight them. They thought they could get away with it.  But I'm not going to give up.

And with your help, I won't have to.  So, I am asking my fans to buy some shirts so I can afford to fight these nefarious thieving pigdogs.  Thank you very much for your generous support of my Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine band, my unrelenting pursuit of cold hard justice, and my ridiculous font sizes.   United We Lounge!

Thanks to the generous support of my fans, I was able to successfully litigate four of the cases, but there are still two more lawsuits in court right now.  One of them is against a manufacturer who swindled me, and the other one is against a business which seems to have underpaid me a zillion dollars in royalties.  The fight continues; I will post updates soon.



4.1)  When is the next new Richard Cheese CD coming out?

Our latest new albums released in 2015 are "THE LOUNGE AWAKENS," "SUPERMASSIVE BLACK TUX," and "BAKIN' AT THE BOULDER," and we released a Christmas album in 2013, "COCKTAILS WITH SANTA." 

We might also release some other albums in the future:  "LET IT BRIE: A LOUNGE SINGER TRIBUTE TO THE BEATLES," "GRACELOUNGE," "LOUNGES OF THE HOLY," "SIX MINUTES OF LEISURE," "NUMBERS OF THE BEAST," and maybe more.  We will also be releasing a boxed set in 2019 called "GRATENESS."

To get a look at all of our CDs/albums, visit iTunes or http://shop.richardcheese.com.



4.1.2)  W
hich makes you the most money, iTunes, Amazon, or shop.richardcheese.com?

Our webstore http://shop.richardcheese.com is our direct sales portal, so we make the most money from downloads and CDs purchased directly from us there.  However, we do make money from iTunes, too, so it's okay if you buy our albums from iTunes.

No matter where you buy, we thank you for your loyal support.


4.2)  Where can I get the albums KID A FLAT, A RUSH OF DICK TO THE HEAD, GOOD EVENING NASTY, TO THE FIVE CASINOS, THE PASTEURIZING, and the other CDs I have heard about?

Well, I am sorry to say that those albums are not available.  In fact, we have no idea what they are, and we can't answer any more questions about them.

The only CD's that really exist are:

THE ROYAL BABY ALBUM (2013) [digital album only]

My CDs are available in some retail stores, too.  You can also get them online at iTunes, and from web retailers like amazon.com.  And, of course, you can always buy my album downloads, CDs and merchandise at http://shop.richardcheese.com .



4.3)  Do you have sheet music available for your versions of the songs on your CDs?

No, sorry.  We may put out a sheet music book someday, but publishing such a book is cost prohibitive, plus we have to get permission from the original songwriters, which isn't easy or cheap.  If you want us to transcribe a song and print sheet music for you, we can do it for $500 per song.  Seriously.  That's the price.  Yeah, I know, it's outrageous.  So don't do it.  Fine.



4.35)  Will you collaborate with me on a song?

No disrespect, but why the fuck would I do that?  I've already done this for 15 years without your help, so I'm pretty sure I should just keep recording without you, that plan has totally worked for me so far!

Also, you don't want to have my name on your resume, it's showbiz kryptonite.



4.36)  But what if I am Taylor Swift, will you collaborate with me on a song?


4.4)  Do you have karaoke versions of your songs available?

Yes!  You can download instrumental versions of some of our songs on iTunes!  Just search for "Richard Cheese."  Some of our instrumental albums are offline right now, but they'll be back in 2017.

We may put out some karaoke versions of our other CDs in the future, but not right now.  It's not only expensive to make those fricking CD+G karaoke CDs, but there are also some legal hurdles involved with the use of displaying song lyrics.  IF YOU ARE A KARAOKE CD+G PRODUCER and you can solve these problems for us, and it doesn't require me to do any work, send us an email and also some advance money and a stripper.



4.5)  In the title of your album "Aperitif For Destruction," what does the word "Aperitif" mean?

Even though you're evidently too lazy to look it up for yourself in an on-line dictionary, here's a definition for you:

aperitif - (a·per·ih·tif) [ FR apéritif aperient, from ML aperitivus, irr. from
L aperire ] n.: an alcoholic drink taken before a meal as an appetizer


4.6)  Would you ever put out vinyl versions of your CDs, for DJs?

Let me talk to my accountants about this.  Okay, I talked to my accountants, and they said no freaking way.  We'd have to sell about 2,000 records at $10 each to break even on that deal, and I don't think there are 2,000 DJs who even have $10, because they spent it on WEED.

Pressing our songs on to vinyl makes ZERO BUSINESS SENSE and ZERO TECHNOLOGICAL SENSE.  Our music was recorded on digital computers, so why would we want to decrease the audio quality by pressing it on to an inferior format?  Okay, yes, I know, I have deeply offended and insulted you with that last sentence.  Let me call the wahmbulance.  Oh no, Daft Punk and DeadMau5 are driving it and it just crashed into a dispensary because they're wearing fucking mouse heads and helmets and we're STILL NOT PRESSING OUR MUSIC ON VINYL EVER EVER EVER EVER STOP ASKING.

Oh, wait, let me type that in a way you might better understand:  5TOP A5KING.

Now, that said, if YOU want to press our albums on to vinyl, and pay for all the costs, materials, design graphics, packaging, storage, shipping, marketing, accounting, taxes, royalties, and apology letters to everyone who was injured or killed in that ambulance crash, go for it.  Send me a check and make sure it's printed on hemp paper.

Seriously, no vinyl.  End of di5cu55ion.

4.7)  Can I use one of your songs in my podcast, school film, YouTube video, website, charity compilation, DJ mix, home video, flash project, or porno movie?

Sure, what the hell.

But if it's for anything other than private, non-commercial use, then the real answer is probably no.  If it were up to me, I'd say yes.  But since we do not control the publishing of other artists' original songs covered on our albums, separate permissions from the original songs' publishers and songwriters are probably required.  However, if it's just a little thing for your film class or tupperware party, I don't think anyone's going to sue you, if you're just kicking it casual, you know, G?

In fact, don't even bother asking an attorney about this.  Just wing it!  Who cares!  But if you decide to take this risk, DEFINITELY DON'T ASK US ABOUT IT.  Once you ask, then we officially know about it, and we are therefore, technically, obligated to forbid it.  So, don't ask, don't tell, and proceed at your own peril.

Podcasters and DJs and YouTubers -- Wanna use our songs?  Same deal as above:  I wouldn't worry about it, but it's your ass, not mine.  No, we can't send you WAVs or free promotional copies of our CDs.  Just go on iTunes, you cheapskate.  And no, sorry, I CANNOT appear on or be interviewed for your podcast.  I did that once in Honolulu and I got into a lot of trouble!

Film students, you may feel free to use our songs in your non-commercial class projects, but you no makee no moneey!  Please send us a link to the finished product on YouTube, and you must NEVER attempt to sell it or charge admission.  If you do, our attorneys will sue you harder and faster than a Sativa Rose scene.

Seriously:  don't ask us for permission, because we have to say no.  Use our material at your own risk; prosecution of illegal uses and unauthorized exploitation may be pursued by the original artists, publishers, and labels; void where prohibited; the crow flies at midnight.



4.8)  Can I license one of your songs for my TV show, movie, documentary, commercial, video game, or porno movie?

Yes.  You need to go get a license from the original songwriter and the original publisher.  Then, after you do that, you can get a license from the record company that owns the Richard Cheese album which contains that song.  Go look on the CONTACT page for that info.  And mortgage your house.



4.9)  Hey, I have an idea for---

NO!  Don't say another word.  We can't accept outside ideas, pitches, concepts, scripts, loglines, synopses, songs, lyrics, tracks, or anything else.  If you want to submit a project idea to Richard Cheese, you must have a real licensed showbiz agent and an attorney -- and a lot of money!!  So don't even bother!  I don't need or want outside ideas or demos from anyone.  Go wash your own car!

5.1.1)  How long have you been doing this?

You mean typing the FAQs?  About fifteen minutes.

5.2.1)  No, how long have you been doing this whole Richard Cheese band thing?

Oh.  Well, our first CD came out in October 2000, and we've been lounging against the machine ever since.

5.2.2)  Where did you get the idea to do this act?

Well, to be honest, it's a combination of few things:

(a) I wanted to carry on the lounge singer tradition established by Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin and Tony Bennett, in which contemporary standards are performed in a swingin' traditional pop vocal style.  There are so many wonderful songs being written these days, and while they may be released as rap or rock recordings, some of the lyrics and melodies are so good that they deserve to be re-interpreted as big band arrangements and torch songs.

I was inspired by Brian Setzer's 17-piece Brian Setzer Orchestra, which performed big band versions of Setzer's own early-career Stray Cats hits, like "Rock This Town" and "Stray Cat Strut."  To hear those rock songs performed with a big band was fun and cool and clever.

I blatantly stole from the creative genius of 3 legendary television comedians:  Bill Murray's "Nick Winters" character on Saturday Night Live in the 1970's, Joe Piscopo's "Frank Sinatra" impersonation from SNL in the 1980's, and the "Tom Monroe" pop vocalist character that Rick Moranis created on SCTV in the 1980's.

In fact, back in 1982, when I worked in a warehouse, me and the other workers used to do our best impressions of the Rick Moranis "Tom Monroe" sketch, in which the cheesey lounge singer, wearing a white suit, white belt, and white shoes, was smarmily crooning the Police song "De Do Do Do De Da Da Da" on a golf course.  I think that bit was really the primary influence for our act.  Of course, lounge singers have been doing their own vintage versions of contemporary rock songs for years; Sinatra once did a cover of "Downtown" by Petula Clark!  Eeew!

Interestingly, the first commercially-released audio recording of a lounge-singer character appeared on The Beatles song "You Know My Name (Look Up the Number)," in which Paul McCartney is introduced as a lounge singer named Dennis O'Bell, performing in a nightclub called "Slaggers."  Just listen to McCartney as O'Bell when he says "Good evening."

Some other artists who are known for their re-arranged versions of popular songs include:

Steve Allen (dramatic readings of rock lyrics)
Rob Reiner (lounge singer character during "Saturday Night Live" monologue 10/25/1975)
Jack Jones ("New Jack Swing" album)
Pat Boone ("In A Metal Mood" album)
Marty & Elayne & The Dresden Room (lounge covers of pop hits, as seen in the movie "Swingers")
The Mike Flowers Pops (60's version of Oasis "Wonderwall")
The Joshua Trio (lounge versions of U2 songs)
Frank Bennett (Australian big band singer)
Lounge-A-Palooza (compilation of lounge-style rock covers, including Steve Lawrence & Eydie Gorme)
Black Velvet Flag (lounge style punk covers)
The Recliners (lounge style rock covers)
Prozac For Loves (lounge style rock covers)
Paul Anka ("Rock Swings" album, he totally ripped me off!)
Paul Anka ("Classic Songs: My Way" album, he totally ripped me off again!!)
Michael Buble (also ripped me off)
The Osbournes (sitcom-theme-style version of "Crazy Train," NOT sung by me)
El Vez (retro remakes of Elvis songs)
Dread Zeppelin (Elvis covers of Led Zeppelin songs)
Jane Lynch ("See Jane Sing" cabaret tour)
The Nylons (doo-wop covers of rock hits)
Glenn Frey ("After Hours" big band album)
Neil Sedaka (1976 ballad version of his own 1962 hit "Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do")
Peter Lemon Moodring (Chevy Chase lounge singer parody on Saturday Night Live)
Eric Idle (as a lounge singer in the film "Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life")
Weird Al Yankovic (polka medleys of contemporary songs)
Jaymz Bee & The Royal Jelly Orchestra (retro covers of rock hits)
Sonny Manischewitz (lounge singer character on 1970's sitcom "It's A Living")
Tony Bennett (1970 album "Tony Sings the Great Hits of Today!")
Richard Belzer (Rolling Stones "Satisfaction" done lounge style)
Devo (easy listening versions of their own songs)
Brian Setzer Orchestra (big band versions of Stray Cats songs)
Will Ferrell (as "Goulet" on SNL)
Steve Martin ("Vegas" routine on "Let's Get Small" album)
Joe Piscopo (as Frank Sinatra on SNL / 1982 single "I Love Rock N Roll")
Eugene Levy (as Perry Como in "Perry Como: Still Alive" sketch on SCTV)
Rick Moranis (as crooner Tom Monroe on SCTV)
Bill Murray (as lounge singer Nick Winters on SNL)
Paul the 55-year-old-intern (at KROQ/Los Angeles)

And I saw Jimmy Fallon on TV in September 2013 and 2014 doing "Broadway versions" of rock/rap songs; total ripoff of my act.


5.2.3)  What about that Paul Anka "Rock Swings" record?

Paul Anka ripped me off!


5.2.4)  And then he put out another album, "Classic Songs My Way," in 2007, huh?

Yeah, he did.  What a pain in my ass.  Oh, thanks Paul, Mr. Millionaire, for horning in on my niche with your bland, overly produced slickathon of pukey mediocre tracks.  And, gee, thanks for having that innovative cutting edge trendsetter Michael Buble perform a duet on the record, too.  That was a stroke of genius.  Say, as long as you're busy copying other people's concepts, why don't you go do a sing-a-long with dead Nat King Cole tracks?  GET OFF MY STREET, ANKA!!!!!


5.3.1)  What do the original artists think of you doing covers of their songs?

They're fine with it, especially since each artist receives a royalty payment of 9cents for each Richard Cheese song we sell!

We've had some great feedback from artists who truly call themselves Richard Cheese fans, including Slipknot, Papa Roach, Disturbed, Sir Mix-A-Lot, Beck, Bono, The Killers, Chris Martin from Coldplay, Rush, JJFad, Noodles from Offspring, Mystikal, Fred Schneider of the B-52's, Wes and Puddle Of Mudd, Korn, Serj from System Of A Down, the bass player from No Doubt, Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit, The Toyes, and many others.  Travis Barker from Blink182 liked us so much that he hired us to entertain at his first wedding!  Brian Setzer hired us to play in his living room for a Christmas Party!  And, bands like Foo Fighters and Jet and the Red Hot Chili Peppers and MUSE have been playing our CDs at their concerts before the show starts!  Thanks fellas!

5.3.2)  Do you have to get their permission to include their songs on your CDs?

Nope.  Doing a remake of a song is legally allowed, as long as you give proper credit to the songwriters/publishers, as long as you don't change the lyrics, as long as you don't make a video, and as long as you pay the statutory royalty rate of 9.1cents per song per CD sold.  For a CD such as A LOUNGE SUPREME, everytime we sell an album, we send a total of $1.76 out to the various publishers. 

For digital releases of our songs (i.e. iTunes), we do have to obtain a digital distribution license, but that is just a formal permission and doesn't cost any money.  Oh great, now some lawyer is going to read that sentence and realize they can start charging us for digital distribution licenses.  Thanks a lot, FAQ reader!!!

More info about this process can be obtained from The Harry Fox Agency at www.songfile.com.

5.3.3)  So this isn't like Weird Al having to get permission from the original artists?

No, you idiot.  Weird Al Yankovic, who is a very talented and hilarious entertainer and close personal friend of mine, does SONG PARODIES, in which he changes the lyrics of the songs.  My Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine band does COVERS, which are simply new performances of the original songs.  Our arrangements remain faithful to the original song's lyrics and musical composition.  Please don't call what we do "parody."  We might satirize, bastardize, and swankify, but we are not parodying.

And stop comparing me to Weird Al!  He's rich and successful!  I'm not!


5.4.1)  Was that you singing the opening theme song for "The Osbournes" on MTV?

Nope.  That is some other guy.

Funny story.

When they started developing the TV series, the folks at MTV wanted to use Pat Boone's loungey version of "Crazy Train" for the opening theme.  But, it would have cost them a ton of money to license Pat Boone's recording.  So, the MTV producers thought it would be a good idea to have RICHARD CHEESE re-sing the song, and they would use it as the series theme.  Well, MTV tried to reach me through my old record label, and I was never given the message, and my old record label refused their offer without asking me about it, so MTV hired someone else to sing it, a guy named Lewis LaMedica.  Oh well, that's showbiz.



5.5.1)  How do you decide which songs to cover?

Here, read the Liner Notes from my "Sunny Side Of The Moon" album:

Whether I'm strolling down a street, walking through a casino, or waking up in a whorehouse, I always feel so blessed when fans tell me how much they enjoy our music. I'm grateful and glad to hear their kind words, pose for a picture (even though the flash never ever ever ever EVER works), and answer their questions.

People always ask me, "Richard Cheese—is that your real name?" And I say, "Of course—why would I make up a name like that? What, are you an idiot?"
Many of my fans also ask me, "Hey Dick, if I'm going to have sex with one of your groupies, should I use a condom? Or two?"

But the question I hear most is, "How do you pick the songs for your CD's? What is it about a particular number that makes it right for your unique and trademarked brand of masterful swankification?"

Well, that's actually two questions. Nevertheless, I will answer them both, simultaneously, with this simple response: I don't know. I just don't know.
When we're looking for songs to interpret, I guess I'm searching for that something special: that unforgettable line, or phrase, or feel...that certain je nais parle pas which turns a simple song into an enduring standard. You won't find it in the sheet music, on the piano keys, or under the stage lights. It appears out of nowhere, like a long lost love; it whispers in your ear, kicks you in the guts, and sends you home with a note pinned to your heart which reads, "Remember," written with a Sharpee.

In other words, stop asking me this question, jerkface. Don't ask how the magic happens; don't try to figure out how they saw the lady in half; and don't call the cops just because I grabbed your girlfriend's chi-chi during the second set. Don't analyze it, man. Just trust it, live it, believe in The Cheese, and let the music and me do what we do best: lounge, baby.

Of course, when I say we, I am also referring to that talented team of seasoned musicians, recording engineers, and cocktail waitresses who have worked so hard to make it all sound so easy. To those dedicated professionals who have helped make all of those albums, concerts, broadcasts, and table dances possible, I say a heartfelt thank you, and I apologize again that I spent your paychecks on hooch. Whoops!

You know, in these crazy times, what with the hurricanes and earthquakes and tsunamis and Republicans, we must remember that, at least, the music is always there for us, and always will be. Wherever you go, whoever you do, there is, waiting faithfully for you at the end of the day, a great lyric, a memorable melody, and a happenin' tune. A beloved song is your loyal companion, your old standby, your home away from home, an ally in your corner. Yes, friends, you can always count on the music, the one language that everyone, everywhere understands. Are you listening, Gargamel?

And, so, with your permission, we've assembled a few of our favorite favorites for your listening pleasure. Some are old, some are new, and all of them are chock full of that swing thing that we bring. These are the songs that mean something to me, and I hope they become an important part of your life, too. So play them on your stereo, or your peapod, or whatever the hell you huffers are listening to these days...and let the music heal you.

Broke up with your gal? Listen to "Creep." Work got you down? Put on "People Equals Shit." Crushed by the repressive imperialistic crapitalism of a ruthless elitist theocracy? Try a little "Fight For Your Right (To Party)."

On some days, these songs may be the only lights you can find to help illuminate that big dark nightclub we call life. But that's okay...because even if the bar is closed, and the showgirls have gone home, I'll still be there to sing for you... and for me.

Remember....candy is dandy, liquor is quicker, but cheddar is better.

Your lounge singin' pal,


P.S. Just because this is a Greatest Hits album doesn't mean you don't have to buy the rest of my CDs. Buy them, fuckers! Seriously! I am so broke it's pathetic! Do you know how much it costs to dry-clean a tiger-striped tuxedo thirty fucking times a year? Have you ever seen the bar tab after a gig with a full horn section? And let's not forget the private detectives, the antibiotics, and the bail bonds! Just go to my website, buy one of everything, and help me get the white devil off my back!



5.5.2)  Is there a song that you have tried to cover, but couldn't make it work lounge-style?

Not really.  My musicians are so talented that they can re-arrange anything.  Those guys are the kings!

I get asked this question during interviews by small-minded reporters and unprepared radio DJs all the time, and really, it's a stupid premise for a question.  I mean, it's like asking, "Have you ever done your job poorly and failed at it?"  Why would anyone admit to something like that?  Or, why should anyone be surprised that sometimes, things don't work?  More specifically, if I chose songs that weren't working, then I wouldn't be a very good lounge singer, would I?  It's just a really short-sighted and insulting question.  Does every line of questioning have to degenerate into a scandal-mongering hit job?  What, are you Chris Wallace on Fox?  Fuck off, jackass.

Next time someone asks me that question in an interview, I'm going to say, "Is there a woman you were in love with but she ended up having sex with someone better looking than you?" 


5.5.3)  Do you dislike the press?

No.  Yes.

Honestly, I just think some reporters don't even listen to my CDs or read the FAQs before the interviews.  It's just lazy, empty journalism, and I am always hesitant to do an interview with a non-fan.  I usually get misquoted, insulted, or worse.  But it's okay, no one reads newspapers anymore anyway.  Print is dead.

I do think that real journalists for reputable newspapers and magazines are cool; it's the amateurs on webzines and blogs and other non-professionals who generally don't have enough experience, education, or spelling bee wins on their resume.  You know, the they're their there bunch.



5.6)  Why does your voice on your albums sound different after 2003?

Because in 2003, I had a sinus coblation operation, and I also had my tonsils removed.  This procedure opened up my nasal passages, which resulted in a slight change in my vocal sound.  I also that year started using a cellphone, which resulted in a slight change in my sperm count.


5.7)  Is that you singing "The Star Wars Cantina" Comedy Parody Song?

Actually, no.  That was done by Mark Jonathan Davis, the guy who portrays me.  Here's a link for more info:  mich.ideatown.com   But please don't call the phone number in the video.  Just laugh and move along.  Move along.


5.8)  Did you really write the song "Christmas In Las Vegas"?

Yes, I sure did!  I made up the melody and the chorus lyrics in 2004 while I was driving to the supermarket.  Then, I had my musical director Bobby Ricotta transcribe it on to sheet music, and a song was born.  I wrote the lyrics in early 2006 at a Baja Fresh restaurant in Rancho Mirage, California, and we finished recording the song in the summer of 2006.  You can read the lyrics in the LIBRARY at the link above.  I also wrote the song "Let's Lounge" on my 2011 "A Lounge Supreme" CD, and "Drink To Hawaii" on the album "Johnny Aloha: Lavapalooza"!  And, in 2013, on my "Cocktails With Santa" CD, we released an all-new recording of "Christmas In Las Vegas," plus a new song "Hannukah In Las Vegas"!  http://shop.richardcheese.com



5.8.1)  Did you really write the song "Hannukah In Las Vegas"?




5.8.2)  Did you really write the song "Richard Cheese's New Birthday Song"?

Um, duh.

(Read all about that song at www.iloveeatingpancakesinlasvegas.com )




5.9)  Hey what's up with you singing the song "Rape Me"?  That seems like you crossed a line, even for Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine.

The Nirvana song "Rape Me" is actually about the music business and record companies.  Of course, sexual assault and rape are very real and serious issues which should not be joked about.  Fortunately, in the context of a RC&LATM cover song, our fans understand that we are not making fun of rape, we are making fun of people who think that that song is about rape.  Indeed, it is a very fine line, and this meta explanation probably won't be satisfactory to some people, and for that, we're sorry for any offense taken, as absolutely none is intended.

6.1.1)  Do you really read the emails you get?

Yes, every single one.  It takes a LONG time, but damnit, you're worth it.  Thanks for your patience, and please keep spreading the cheese.

6.1.2)  I signed up on the "PEOPLE WHO WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH RICHARD CHEESE" list at one of your shows.  How do I get this sex?

Well, email me a picture of yourself, and if you're female, hot, 18, single, and local, you're next.



6.2)  Why isn't your YouTube page working?

Because they're fucking with me.



6.3)  Are you on FaceBook?

Yes, www.facebook.com/richardcheese .  FaceBook is a great way to communicate with me and my fans and my attorneys.



6.4)  Are you on Twitter?

Yes, http://www.twitter.com/richardcheeseBut we don't use Twitter as often as FaceBook.



6.5)  Are you on Instagram?

Yes, @RichardCheese.  But we don't use Instagram as often as FaceBook.



7.1)  Where did you get your tiger-striped tuxedo?

I bought my first tiger-striped jacket in a vintage shop on Melrose Avenue in Hollywood in 2001, and had a tailor make some alterations to it.  Then, I got another one, and then I couldn't find them anymore.  I do, however, have about 100 yards of tiger-striped material, and you can buy a custom-made tux from me for $3500.  Seriously. 



7.2)  Can I borrow your tiger-striped tuxe---




7.3)  What about leopard-print?

NO NO NO my tuxes are Tiger-Striped, not leopard print!!!  Those are lame.  Did a leopard maul Seigfried & Roy?  No.  It was a TIGER.  Let's be accurate, people.



8.1)  Is it okay if I burn/rip your CDs and steal money directly out of your pocket?

No, it's not okay at all.  Go read the note about music piracy (13.13) below.  And then expect a call from my attorney.




9.1)  What's your favorite thing to do in Vegas?




9.1.1)  Is a joke.



9.2)  Will you pose for a photo with me at your show?

Yeah, sure, as long as you promise to make me stand uncomfortably close to your liquor-breathed freakshow manfriend while your girlfriend grasps my jacket and some of my actual skin in her clawlike drunken grip, and as long as you promise that none of you have a fucking clue how to operate your own goddamned cameraphones, and as long as you promise to take the worst possible picture of my face, and spill a drink on my tuxedo in the process, and then try to get me to pose for another picture because the first one was blurry or you weren't smiling or you're just a needy timehog.  Say Cheese!



9.3)  How come you don't allow professional photographers at your concerts?

Because cameras steal the soul.

And because professional photographers like to take 500 pictures when they only need about three, and I don't need to be blinded by flashbulbs every 4 seconds.

And because some people who ask for press passes are, in fact, lousy photographers who just want to see a free concert, and the pictures never turn out well.

And because there are already plenty of pictures of me on the internet, and you're not going to capture anything earth-shattering with your little camera at my silly lounge show, Ansel Adams.



9.4)  Can I have free tickets to your show because I'm poor, young, and/or greedy?

Yes.  I mean, no.



9.5)  Can I have free tickets to your show because I'm hot, young, and/or easy?

Yes.  As long as you look like this:



10.1)  Are you just making up extra questions so your FAQ will seem more comprehensive?


11.1)  It's not working.

That's not a question, is it?

12.1)  Nope.




13.13)  Read this letter about music piracy.


Dear Richard Cheese Fan:

Thanks for your kind support of Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine. We appreciate your loyalty and we hope you enjoy our albums.

The rest of this letter is aimed at people who are NOT loyal fans. If you're the kind of person who fileshares and rips CDs, this is for you.

We'd like to respectfully ask that you PLEASE DON’T copy, share, burn, rip, upload, sideload, duplicate, re-distribute, or otherwise infringe upon our copyrighted recordings and intellectual property. It's okay to put our CD on your personal iPod, but please don't let our albums be copied by friends or family.

The unauthorized copying and distribution of copyrighted music is just plain wrong, and it directly hurts Richard and makes it financially impossible for them to keep recording albums. That's why we're trying to stop music piracy and filesharing, and we would really appreciate your cooperation.

Richard, his bands and crew, and many other hard-working professional people spend lots of time, energy, and money making our CDs. We also pay out royalties to the original artists for every song on every CD, which also costs a lot of money. Lots of money. OH MY GOODNESS, IT'S A LOT OF MONEY!

You see, we're not a big record company with lots of funding; Richard takes cash out of his own pocket to fund these CDs. So, when you trade MP3s or give away burned CDRs, that means fewer people will purchase our albums. Yes, the economy is tough out there, but Richard has to make a living, too. Selling CDs is the only way he can make enough money to record more music for you. If his CDs and tracks are stolen, then he will go bankrupt. It's that simple.

Giving away our music for free does NOT result in more CD sales for us; it just takes money away from our band, and makes it impossible to stay in business. That's not fair or cool.

Is it okay to walk into a diner, eat a meal, and then leave without paying, as long as you tell other people how great the food was? Of course not. That's a crime against the hardworking people who work at that restaurant. Music piracy is just as immoral as shoplifting, stealing cable, and sneaking into movies.

Richard asks you from his heart: please don't participate in the stealing of music. Please resist the temptation to share, copy, and re-distribute these songs. Please please please don’t loan out your CDs to friends, and please don't allow your CDs to be copied or uploaded. Otherwise, Richard won't be able to recoup his investments, and that means he won't be able to afford to record or produce any more albums in the future. This is the real and serious consequence of music piracy and illegal downloading.

Yes, the internet can be a good source of exposure, and we do appreciate people's enthusiasm. But theft is NOT an acceptable way to promote our music, period. That is Richard's position on this issue.

If you want to help Richard Cheese, tell your friends to visit http://shop.richardcheese.com or iTunes and listen to the preview clips. Or, you can let them LISTEN to one of your CDs. But PLEASE don't let them burn or copy your CD. Please tell your friends and cousins and co-workers and classmates to PLEASE GO BUY THEIR OWN CD.

These albums belong to Richard; he created them, he owns them, and he wants you to enjoy his work on the condition that you pay a purchase price for that privelege. There are real costs associated with recording, producing, manufacturing, and distribution, and we have to sell as many CDs as possible just to break even. We don't want a huge profit; we aren't in this business to get rich. We just want to earn enough money to continue making more new albums for you, our devoted fans.

We do what we do because we love the idea, we love the music, but most of all, we love the fans who "get it" and support us with their loyalty and integrity. So, please keep supporting us by respecting Richard's hard work, and by making sure you aren't enabling or participating in the crime of stealing music. If you're gonna steal something, we recommend you go after gasoline, pharmaceuticals, and patio furniture. That stuff is overpriced!

We love our loyal fans, and Richard wants to continue making new CDs for you. Please help us in the fight against music piracy. Treat your new CD like a valuable treasure; you paid for it, so, let's make sure no one else gets it for free!

Both I and Richard sincerely appreciate your loyalty, understanding, and support. We truly hope you enjoy our albums, and we also hope you will tell all your friends about our music. Thank you from Richard Cheese.

Best Wishes,

Jack Monterey, Senior VP of Operations




America's loudest lounge singer Richard Cheese performs swingin' Vegas versions of rock, rap, and Top40 hits, "swankifying" contemporary songs into traditional pop vocal standards. With his Lounge Against The Machine swing band, Cheese has sold more than 200,000 CDs, and played hundreds of sellout concerts around the world.

The finger-snapping, liquor-lapping, night-capping crooner first stepped into the spotlight in 2000 with his LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE album. This critically acclaimed CD featured "swankified" versions of alternative rock songs, such as Radiohead's CREEP and Limp Bizkit's NOOKIE, arranged for a big band sound. Thanks to radio stations including KROQ/Los Angeles, Z100/New York City, and the nationally-syndicated Dr. Demento Show, Cheese soon found an audience that shared his love of lounge music, including rockstar Brian Setzer, who hired Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine to play at his private Christmas party with The Stray Cats!

Soon, Dick landed a gig as the co-host and bandleader on MTV's Say What Karaoke series. He was also interviewed in 2001 on CNN, profiled in The Los Angeles Times, and featured as a category on VH1's Rock 'N' Roll Jeopardy. RC also headlined frequent concerts at The House Of Blues in Los Angeles and Anaheim, The Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas, and radio station festivals like 91X XFest in San Diego, the WHFS HFSmas Nutcracker in Washington DC's Patriot Center, and the Y100 Feztival at Philadelphia's Tweeter Center. Richard Cheese was also hired to entertain at Blink182 drummer Travis Barker's first wedding!

In 2002, Richard Cheese was back in blacktie with his TUXICITY CD, an album of uncensored alternative, rap, and pop covers, including loungey remakes of Sir Mix-A-Lot's BABY GOT BACK, Van Halen's HOT FOR TEACHER, and System of a Down's CHOP SUEY. RC's popularity grew with sell-out concerts around the U.S.A., plus a slot as the opening act for the Brian Setzer Orchestra Christmas Concert at the world famous Universal Amphitheater in Los Angeles. Cheese also made appearances on The Opie & Anthony Show and The Howard Stern Show, Fox News Channel's Fox & Friends Morning Show, and RC & LATM appeared a dozen times as the Vegas house band on NBC's Last Call With Carson Daly. The standing-room-only concerts continued in 2003, as RC crisscrossed the country playing venues from the Mercury Lounge in New York City to Sunset Station Casino in Las Vegas.

Cheese returned in 2004 with his I'D LIKE A VIRGIN CD, an intuxicating collection of "loungified" covers, including a snazzy remake of Snoop Dogg's GIN AND JUICE, and an inspired version of Michael Jackson's BEAT IT accompanied by a children's choir. That same year, RC performed PERSONAL JESUS and BABY GOT BACK on ABC-TV's Jimmy Kimmel Live, and his cheesey version of Disturbed's song DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS was featured in the 2004 Universal motion picture Dawn Of The Dead, thanks to director and cheese fan Zack Snyder. Cheese played concerts all over the world in 2004, including a private party performance at the Playboy Mansion, and sellout gigs in Los Angeles, New Orleans, Las Vegas, Lake Tahoe, Portland, Seattle, Honolulu, Portugal, and London.

In 2005, Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine released their fourth album, APERITIF FOR DESTRUCTION, an all-new CD of kooky covers for lounge lovers. This 18-track record included Vegas versions of songs originally by Guns 'N' Roses, U2, Black Eyed Peas, The Beastie Boys, Metallica, Slipknot, and many more. From 2 Live Crew's ME SO HORNY to Green Day's AMERICAN IDIOT, Cheese served up another "fromage homage" to the hottest hits in music. Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine performed a giant sellout concert at the El Rey Theater in Los Angeles, and the band was hired to entertain at big-time showbiz events like the TVLand Awards, the Daytime Emmy Awards, and a Hollywood Hurricane Katrina benefit.

In 2006, RC released two new albums. His greatest hits CD, THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE MOON: THE BEST OF RICHARD CHEESE, featured 10 all-new recordings plus 8 of RC's cheesiest favorites. The album boasted newly re-recorded 2006 versions of Cheese classics RAPE ME, CLOSER, CREEP, NOOKIE, COME OUT AND PLAY, and FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT. Backed by a big band and a bigger sound, this was the biggest Dick yet!

In the winter of 2006, Cheese was back with his sixth CD, SILENT NIGHTCLUB, a collection of happenin' holiday hits just in time for Christmas. The all-new album included 14 spirited covers of songs like HOLIDAY IN CAMBODIA, DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS, PERSONAL JESUS, I MELT WITH YOU, LIKE A VIRGIN, IMAGINE, and ICE ICE BABY. Plus, Richard Cheese recorded an all-new original song called CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS, which was featured on the NBC-TV series Las Vegas. And, Cheese's versions of SILENT NIGHT and Beyonce's NAUGHTY GIRL were featured in the NBC-TV soap series Passions.

In 2007, RC & LATM hit the road for their nationwide "Drinkchronicity" tour. The band performed sellout shows for thousands of fans at the House Of Blues in Chicago and New Orleans, the Bowery Ballroom in New York City, The Derby in Los Angeles, The Red Devil Lounge in San Francisco, and The Social in Orlando, plus venues in Seattle, Portland, Sacramento, and San Diego. Richard Cheese also began headlining monthly at The Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas, including a sellout show on New Year's Eve.

Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine released their 7th CD in Fall 2007, DICK AT NITE. This album features lounge-style versions of classic TV theme songs, including THREE'S COMPANY, THE BRADY BUNCH, THE JEFFERSONS, and GILLIGAN'S ISLAND, plus more recent theme song hits like SOUTH PARK and SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. The album was also released on iTunes with exclusive bonus tracks, and several of RC's tracks were included in promotional events for TVLand.

In 2009 and 2010, Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine released three all-new CDs. The first album, VIVA LA VODKA: RICHARD CHEESE LIVE presented live performances from RC’s 8 years of concerts, radio interviews, television appearances, and private party gigs. The band’s next release, O.K. BARTENDER, was an all-new studio album, featuring covers of hits by Lady Gaga, Queen, Kanye West, Miley Cyrus, Weezer, and Radiohead. And, Richard Cheese produced a new CD for Waikiki lounge singer Johnny Aloha called JOHNNY ALOHA: LAVAPALOOZA, featuring Hawaiian-style “tiki music” versions of popular rock and rap songs. Richard Cheese was also interviewed in a feature article in The Wall Street Journal, and performed live on The Kevin & Bean Morning Show on KROQ/Los Angeles.

RC returned in 2011 with his 10th album, RICHARD CHEESE: LIVE AT THE ROYAL WEDDING, an unbelievable live performance recorded at Wills & Kate's reception at Buckingham Palace in England! The album included live swing trio versions of some of Cheese's most popular songs, plus new tunes like ANARCHY IN THE U.K., PUSSY CONTROL, REHAB, HELTER SKELTER, and TOO DRUNK TO FUCK. The band headlined a sold-out show at London's Forum, and also played for 15,000 people -- at 11:30AM -- at England's Sonisphere Festival. RC & LATM also toured the U.S. with big concerts in Las Vegas, San Francisco, Minneapolis, Portland, Seattle, Denver, Houston, Boston, Atlanta, and on a boat in New York City. And, the band performed at a private party at Muse drummer Dominic Howard's home in Hollywood.

Later that year, Richard Cheese released his 11th album, A LOUNGE SUPREME, with a whole new collection of new loungified hits like LIKE A G6, ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE, BOOM BOOM POW, CARELESS WHISPER, TIK TOK, MARGARITAVILLE, and SHOTS. The album also introduced two new original songs, RC's new original BIRTHDAY SONG, and his swingin' salute to laziness, LET'S LOUNGE.

In 2012, Richard Cheese released BACK IN BLACK TIE, a new album paying tribute to the deadest rockstars in music history. The CD includes songs like Led Zeppelin's STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN, Rick James's SUPERFREAK, Nirvana's SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT, Bob Marley's ONE LOVE, Eazy-E's GIMMIE THAT NUTT, INXS's NEED YOU TONIGHT, and Slipknot's PEOPLE EQUALS SHIT. The band also performed at the 2012 Viva Las Vegas Rockabilly Convention, and played big shows in Seattle, Houston, and San Francisco. RC also returned to London for a headlining concert at Cadogan Hall, and a private Halloween party performance at the home of British TV presenter Jonathan Ross! On the same London trip, the band also appeared as the house band on The Jonathan Ross Show on ITV1, and at the band Muse's concert after-party on a boat on the Thames River! Also in 2012, Richard Cheese released two new greatest hits compilation albums, DOWN WITH THE DICKNESS: RICHARD CHEESE'S DIRTIEST GREATEST HITS and HAIL TO THE CHEESE: RICHARD CHEESE'S ALL-AMERICAN GREATEST HITS, available for download at the official Richard Cheese webstore www.loungemart.com.

For 2013, RC returned to the road with headlining shows in Chicago, Washington D.C., Orlando, Los Angeles, and of course, Las Vegas. And, the band released THE ROYAL BABY ALBUM, a studio version of their 2011 Royal Wedding album performances.  Then, just in time for Christmas, the band released RICHARD CHEESE: COCKTAILS WITH SANTA, an all-new CD collection of holiday standards, recorded in Santa's workshop at the North Pole!

In 2014, a new autobiographical book and ebook will be released: "ATLAS LOUNGED: THE MUSIC, MARTINIS, AND MADNESS BEHIND RICHARD CHEESE & LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE," which is on advance sale now at www.atlaslounged.com.

The hardest working Dick in show business continues to perform sellout shows all over the world, from Las Vegas to London, from New York to New Orleans, from Hollywood to Honolulu. Thanks to sixteen albums, hundreds of concerts, 107,000 FaceBook fans, and a million martinis, Richard Cheese has earned a prominent place in that prestigious pantheon of lounge legends: Frank ... Sammy ... Dean .......... and Richard Cheese.

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