PLEASE READ THIS ENTIRE PAGE, IT'S FUN!
We have answers to ALL of your questions.

 For licensing, soundtracks, TV bookings, radio
 programs, promotional CDs, and commercials,
 please visit our   CONTACT  page link above.

Here are answers to all your questions....

► HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?
Around $13,000-$18,000.  Still interested?  Please keep reading.

► WHAT DO I GET?
A "Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine" private booking gig appearance features Richard Cheese plus two or three band members (piano, drums, and sometimes bass) performing one zany 75-minute live performance.  We perform songs from our CDs, we have a few laughs, and then we like to drink a few cocktails with the ladies (at your expense).

When you hire us, you get our act our way.  We don't play Frank Sinatra tunes, we don't play disco dance music, and we won't learn your petroleum corporation's commercial jingle.  We'll only play the songs on our albums and maybe a couple of requests.  If you want us to play two sets, or play longer than 75-minutes, that will cost a lot extra.  Of course, if you pony up a lot of extra dough, we'll do whatever the hell you want.  No reasonable offer will be refused!  But it's usually better if you let us do what we do, because that's what we're good at.

We can also bring our three-piece horn section (sax, trombone, trumpet) if you pay us A LOT more. A LOT!!!  Like, a shitload more!!!

 NOTE:   Richard cannot perform on two consecutive days.  He needs at least 72hours off between shows to rest his voice, so please plan accordingly.  (For example, Thursday+Sunday is an okay schedule.  Or, Sunday+Wednesday+Saturday is an okay schedule.)

► WHAT KIND OF GIGS WILL YOU DO?
Well, we'll pretty much do anything if the money is good.  We'll play weddings, corporate events, private parties, nightclubs, barmitzvahs, political rallies, Minneapolis airport bathroom stalls, you name it. 

Here are the kinds of gigs we can do, and the estimated price range.

 NOTE:  Richard CANNOT perform on two consecutive days.  He needs at least 72hours off between shows to rest his voice, so please plan accordingly.

BEST VALUE!	COCKTAIL PARTIES 60 MINUTES or more if you're rich	Richard Cheese LOVES to play cocktail parties.  That's where the band just sets up in a corner and performs lounge music for an hour while you mix and mingle.  Richard loves it when he can just croon casually in the background during your event, and not have to put on a "show" on a "stage" for an "audience."  Think of Richard Cheese as singing wallpaper...mood music...decoration. This kind of performance is a much more subtle and cool way to treat your guests to the Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine experience.  No spotlights, no introductions, no showtime...just a jazz band swinging some good cheesey music for an hour while everyone gets plowed.  NOTE:   WE HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS "BACKGROUND MUSIC" COCKTAIL PARTY PERFORMANCE. If you can set up the band as background entertainment during your event, well, then, we'll give you a discounted deal!   (see fees below).
	WEDDINGS 60 MINUTES or more, if you've got really hot bridesmaids	Hire Richard to play at your wedding cocktail hour!  For less than the cost of your bachelor party hookers, Richard and his jazz trio will set-up in the lobby and play lounge music as everyone arrives.  Or, have us perform after the ceremony while you're taking your wedding photos and while your guests are drinking your liquor.  Your friends will be blown away when they see Richard Cheese singing at your wedding!   (see fees below). If you want Richard to play at your after-wedding reception party, that's a different story.  For a wedding reception, RC will only perform a short and sweet 35-minute set, and then you should get some DJ to play disco music, because everyone would much rather dance to Gloria Gaynor than listen to Richard.  Seriously, for an after-wedding reception gig, you only want us for 35-minutes, trust me on this.   (see fees below). We played at Blink182 drummer Travis Barker's wedding, and if we're good enough for him, we're certainly good enough for you and your little trollop. Best bet:  put us near the bar!
	CORPORATE EVENTS, COMPANY XMAS PARTIES 45 MINUTES or until your guests are sufficiently offended	This is the year that your company party is going to be AWESOME!   The Richard Cheese band has entertained at corporate events for companies like XBOX, Qualcomm, AT&T, The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences, Steady Clothing, TVLand, and many others.  We'll sing, we'll swing, and we'll get that hot sales rep from the home office to shake her ass on a tabletop!   (see fees below).  NOTE:    we'll only play for 45-minutes MAX, because that's about all that strangers can tolerate.  After that, they get bored and start talking about office supplies and the CEO's wife's collagen job. Best bet:  have us play background music at the pre-party cocktail hour, then we can play for a whole hour!
	PRIVATE PARTIES 60 MINUTES or longer if you're rich	Let's say you're celebrating your 40th birthday, and you are also super rich.  Then you should spend your money on the best present you could ever want, a private house party performance by Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine!  RC will perform for up to 60-minutes, and then he will go into a back room to make out with your drunk sister, or some other hot chick if you don't have a sister or if your sister isn't hot or drunk.  If you aren't rich enough to rent out Madison Square Garden and you have us perform in your house, you'll need to pay for a sound system and a drumkit and other staging equipment, and make sure it's cool with the neighbors, who will probably call the cops regardless. We once played at Muse drummer Dominic Howard's house, and at Brian Setzer's house, so be cool like them and hire us!   (see fees below). Best bet:  have us play in the living room!
	MILITARY GIGS 60 MINUTES	We have always wanted to play for our troops---at a military base, on an aircraft carrier, in a combat zone, wherever!  We haven't been able to get the USO to book us, there's too much red tape, they're not allowed to associate with bands that sing offensive lyrics, and they won't hire us unless we agree to play 6 nights in a row for $200.  That's not our scene, man!  The ONLY way we can make this happen is if YOU get your C.O. or X.O. or MWR or whatever to PERSONALLY REQUEST AUTHORIZATION TO BRING OUR BAND TO YOUR BASE.  Once you get approval, you just need to get us some drums and amplifiers, and we'll put on a great show with our jazz trio (total of 4 people), or just Richard and his piano player (total of 2 people).  And, we'll probably do the whole show for FREE if you can let us fly on some cool space planes and shit.  Not really.  We expect the U.S. Government to pay us twice what we're worth, like those $900 screwdrivers.  Anyway, just email lounge@richardcheese.com to set it up, and then you just have to send a C130 to pick us up at Edwards AFB.  But seriously, we are totally 100% excited about working with you to make it happen!  Thanks! Best bet:  set up the band on the fantail of your boat, and fire star-shells during "BABY GOT BACK."  NOTE:    We will cheerfully discount our rate because we love our nation's troops!
	SCHOOL PROMS 60 MINUTES	Sure, we'll play at your high school prom or your college lunchroom!  But are you sure it'll be okay with the parents?   (see fees below). Best bet:  get  RC to be your homecoming half-time entertainment.  Yes, we can censor our act...but you probably won't get very far if you tell your teacher that you want to hire "Dick Cheese"!  NOTE:    We will cheerfully discount our rate because we love our nation's 18-year-old high school girls!
	NIGHTCLUBS 90 MINUTES	For nightclubs and other public venues, we require a non-smoking SEATED venue with a 400 to 800 person capacity.  We suggest a $25-$35 ticket price, and that should allow us to earn our fee (see fees below).  No "VIP Booth" seating allowed, unless you want to give us 100% of the bottle service table revenue.  We sellout every place we play, so don't worry,  you'll make plenty of money at the bar.  Warning:  We DON'T do door deals!  No exceptions.  But fear not, we'll sell out your club, our fans will buy a ton of drinks, and your cocktail waitresses will be groped only sparingly.  You must allow us to sell our CDs/Merch at the venue, and we keep 100% of the $. We need 4-months notice to book public gigs (to allow for ticket sales and tour routing).  You better have a nice sound system, a nice sound guy, and a nice parking space for our van.  We play for 90-minutes max, and you can only have one band on before us, and we approve it.  We also need you to provide a busty young cheerleader to help us sell our merch.  And hey, how about some free drink-tickets for the band, huh?  NOTE:   Richard cannot perform on two consecutive days.  He needs at least 72hours off between shows to rest his voice, please plan accordingly.  (see fees below).

► WHAT'S THE BEST KIND OF GIG FOR THE BAND?
No question about it, hiring us to perform at your COCKTAIL HOUR is the best bet.  It's our most popular booking, and it's the most fun for everyone.  Seriously, if we could just play cocktail hour gigs, we'd perform 3nights a week.  HOOK IT UP!!!

► SO YOU WON'T DO A FULL-BLOWN CONCERT IN MY LIVING ROOM?
Sure, we can do that if you insist.  But that's not going to be as good as our casual "cocktail hour" performance.  Nobody wants to be forced to watch a concert at your party.  Instead, let RC&LATM perform in the background, and watch as people catch on and get into it.  Believe you me, people prefer to be lounged with, not lounged at. 

► BUT WILL YOU REALLY PLAY AT MY EVENT ALL THE WAY OUT IN BUMFUCK, EGYPT?
The Richard Cheese band is based in Los Angeles, but we'll play anywheres!  Even Europe!  Even the International Space Station!  Just pay us what we need, and we'll be there.  However, we will NOT perform on a tropical island inhabited by naked pornstar chicks---oh wait, yes, we will do that.

► IS IT MORE EXPENSIVE TO HIRE YOU FOR AN OUT-OF-TOWN GIG?
HELL YES.  For local gigs in or near Los Angeles, we're a bargain!  But for out-of-town gigs (more than 45-minutes drive from L.A.), it's gonna cost ya extra, Susan!

If you can offer us a gig near one of our other scheduled gigs, it'll be cheaper for everyone involved.  Please check our tour schedule for our tour schedule (see richardcheese.com website).  But, if you want us to just fly in, play your gig, and fly home, it's probably gonna be espensive.

► DO I HAVE TO PROVIDE A SOUND SYSTEM?
In Los Angeles, no.  Outside of Los Angeles, yes.  Check out our "STAGEPLOT & TECH RIDER" page (see link at top) to get an idea of our staging requirements, technical specs, and equipment needs.  Generally, you need to make sure there's a microphone, some speakers, a mixing board, monitor speakers for the band to hear themselves, and some other shit.  And don't forget the extension cords!

► DO I HAVE TO PROVIDE ANYTHING ELSE?
It would be great if you provide a drumkit, an amp, a keyboard+stand, and some of the other musical/sound equipment we need.  Then we can just walk in, play the show, and be home in time to watch Conan.  Also, if we're travelling out of Los Angeles, you need to provide hotel rooms and airline tickets and minivans.  And of course, we like chicks, liquor, and food.  All at once, baby.  Additional details on transportation and accomodations are below.

► OKAY, WHAT DOES IT COST?
Our fee is based on a lot of factors.  Generally, our average fee starts around $13,000 per show.  Yes, that's why it's in red.

Still with me?  Okay, read on.

Indeed, we charge a lot more than the 70's disco cover band down the street, but we're very professional, very entertaining, and worth every penny.  We're also honest and kind and friendly and pleasant, and we love our fans.  So, we will try to work with you to make something happen if we can.

Outside California, our minimum fee is $13,000.

Here are are general base prices:

Western U.S.A. Fee Range:  $10,000-$18,000
Eastern U.S.A. Fee Range:  $13,000-$21,000
Non-U.S. Fee Range:  $24,000-$30,000

If we can schedule your event near one of our other existing appearance dates, that will save you some money.  Our fee decreases or increases, depending on these factors:
 

PERFORMANCE - SIMPLE OR ELABORATE?

• If you want RIchard Cheese to put on a full-show, he charges full price.

• If you let Richard Cheese and his band perform at your COCKTAIL HOUR as "background" music during your event, without a stage, without a spotlight, without a "show," we'll give you a cheaper rate.  This is the BEST WAY TO ENJOY RICHARD CHEESE:  as a wallpaper lounge act.  It's cheaper, easier, and WAY cooler.

• Richard prefers to perform one 60-to-75-minute set per night.  For a 90-minute show, it costs more.  We discourage longer shows, because we have found that audiences are happiest with a simple 60-to-75-minute set; the show is fresher, sweeter, more satisfying.  Also, Richard passes out after about an hour.  He is very old and tired and just wants to go home and take a nap.  Please?

• BOTTOM LINE:  Let us lounge.
  
   

TRAVEL - CLOSE OR FAR?

• If we have to travel by car more than 60-minutes from Los Angeles, count on extra money for hotel rooms (five separate hotel rooms for at least one night, maybe two).

• If we have to travel by plane, add more money for airfare (five first class airline tickets, non-stop, roundtrip), plus hotel rooms, rental car days, taxis, meals, and cartage.

• If we have to travel really super far, you're looking at even more money, because of long travel days and extra nights in hotel rooms.

• If you make us play a gig someplace where it's snowing, you pay us $79,000 more, you cold, cold bastard!

• If we can schedule your event near one of our other existing appearance dates, that will save you some money.

• BOTTOM LINE:  The more we travel, the more you pay.
  
   

EQUIPMENT - YOURS OR OURS?

• If we have to rent a sound system (see our specs below) and hire a sound guy, that's an extra $800.

• If we have to rent a drumkit and/or keyboard, plan on another $800.  Or, you can save some money by borrowing a nice drumkit from someone in a band who's cool.

• Usually, we just bring an electric bass.  If you want us to play with our big upright bass, we have to ship that on a cargo plane, and that's an extra $900.

• Or, if we have to rent an upright bass, plan on an additional $600, but rented basses always SUCK.

• BOTTOM LINE:  Make it easy on us and it will cost you less.
  
   

SCHEDULING - WEEKEND OR WEEKNIGHT?  SHORT-NOTICE OR ADVANCE BOOKING?

• If you want us to play on a weekend, we charge extra, because that's showbiz.  Sorry!

• Weeknights are tricky, too, because the musicians have to be home early to go to work the next morning to their day jobs.  If you want us to play later than 8PM on a weeknight, that's extra, too.  Sorry!

• If it's a last-minute short-notice booking (less than 6 weeks), we charge extra, because that means we might have to "reschedule" some "appointments."

• Richard can't sing two consecutive nights.  He needs at least a full 72 hours off between shows to rest his vocal chords.  So, please don't be surprised if we refuse to "squeeze in an extra show" while we're in town.  No, no, no!

• BOTTOM LINE:  Give us plenty of advance notice to lock in the best rate.
  
   

EXTRAS - CROWD SIZE?  CENSORING? 

• For corporate events, or if you're entertaining a huge crowd, then we expect a huger paycheck.  God bless America.

• Our rate also increases if you ask Richard to censor his act, learn special songs, pander to a sponsor, or wake up early.

• BOTTOM LINE:  Short is sweet, simple is best.

TYPICAL PRIVATE PARTY BASE FEES (NOT INCLUDING EXTRA COSTS OUTLINED ABOVE)

• Southern California - $10,000 and 1 night of hotel accomodations

• Northern California and Las Vegas - $12,000 plus transportation, equipment, meals, and 1 night of hotel accomodations

• Western U.S.A. - $13,000 plus transportation, equipment, meals, and 2 nights of hotel accomodations

• Middle U.S.A. - $13,000 plus transportation, equipment, meals, and 2 nights of hotel accomodations

• Eastern U.S.A. - $16,000 plus transportation, equipment, meals, and 2 nights of hotel accomodations

• Outside U.S.A. - $24,000 plus transportation, equipment, meals, and 3 nights of hotel accomodations

TYPICAL PUBLIC CONCERT GUARANTEE FEES (NOT INCLUDING EXTRA COSTS OUTLINED ABOVE)

• Southern California - $12,000

• Northern California and Las Vegas - $13,000

• Western U.S.A. - $14,000

• Eastern U.S.A. - $20,000

• To meet our guarantees, we suggest a venue capacity of 500-800 persons with ticket prices around $30-$40, plus higher prices for premium reserved seating.

• All-Seated venues only.  We prefer Performing Arts Theatres with permanent rows of seats.

Remember:
Outside California, our minimum fee is $13,000.

So, for example, if you want us to play at your wedding in Santa Monica on a Saturday night, it will probably cost daddy around $10,000.  If it's in Houston, it will probably cost around $14,000.

If you want us to play a barmitzvah in Wyoming, it's probably around $12,000.  In Germany, it'll probably be $23,000 and awkward.

Provide as much information as you can.  Be very specific.  The more information you provide, the more likely we will work with you on a discount price.  If you're a cocky jerk and don't want to answer the questions, fuck off.

Then, email the form (include the questions and your answers) to:  lounge@richardcheese.com

P.S.  Don't ask us about any bookings for 2011 yet.  We can't plan that far in advance.
 

(Please cut and paste the booking form above into your email, then answer the questions very specifically.)

Please email this info to:  lounge@richardcheese.com

DON'T CALL US.
DON'T EMAIL US.
FILL OUT THE BOOKING FORM FIRST AND EMAIL IT TO US.

Please email this info to:  lounge@richardcheese.com 

If it's URGENT, you can contact our booking manager Michael Stand (see our "CONTACT" page), but you will still need to provide the above information in an email within 4-hours of your call.

 

Thank you.

► YOU'RE WELCOME!