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LIBRARY

Welcome to the Richard Cheese library, where you can find documents and literature from the annals (careful!) of Richard Cheese.

Scroll down to see LYRICS, LETTERS, THE "LOUNGE OF FAME," PRESS RELEASES, RC'S "SAY WHAT KARAOKE?" DIARY, and the MONTY PYTHON "CHEESE SHOP" SKETCH.


 

LYRICS

Richard Cheese's 2015 album "Supermassive Black Tux" includes a new ORIGINAL song called "THE FRIDAY SONG."  Here are the lyrics to this swingin' number:
 

THE FRIDAY SONG by RICHARD CHEESE

Monday I've got the go to work blues
By Tuesday my job makes me want to snooze
Wednesday the boss starts busting my hump
And Thursday I'm in that work week slump

But on Friday when the whistle blows at five
It means the weekend has finally arrived

Oh Friday (Friday!)
Thank God you're here (Thank God, Thank God you're here!)
You're better than Christmas
You're my favorite day of the year

"Here's a verse for the kids..."

Five days a week I sit in school
Gettin' a daily dose of the golden rule
I try to stay awake so I will pass
But those teachers are a pain in the class

So on Friday when they ring that final bell
I'm ready to raise some h-e-l-l

Oh Friday (Friday!)
Thank God you're here (Thank God, Thank God you're here!)
You're better than Christmas
You're my favorite day of the year

Yeah, St. Patty's is fun, and so is Turkey Day
And I'm a big fan of Superbowl Sunday
But keep your Valentines, Halloweens, and Fourths of July
The best D-A-Y starts with F-R-I

So when the real world starts gettin' me down
I think of that day that's comin' around
Friday is here to set me free
It's the greatest day in history

If you want the weekend to get here soon
Listen to Richard Cheese and sing this tune

Oh Friday (Friday!)
Thank God you're here (Thank God, Thank God you're here!)
You're better than Christmas
You're my favorite day of the year

It's not Monday (not Wednesday!)
Not Tuesday (not Sunday!)
Not Wednesday (not Tuesday!)
Not Thursday (not Monday!)
It's Friday (Friday!)
Thank God you're here

It's not New Year's, or Earth Day
It's better than payday and your birthday
It's Friday (Friday!)
Thank God you're here
(Friday!)
 

THE FRIDAY SONG
by RICHARD CHEESE & LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
from the album "SUPERMASSIVE BLACK TUX"

Lyrics by Rob Izenberg and Mark Jonathan Davis, music by Rob Izenberg.
Published by 660AM MUSIC (ASCAP) and IDEATOWNUSA RECORDINGS (ASCAP)
(C) Copyright 2015 Richard Cheese / Mark Jonathan Davis.

 

 

Richard Cheese's 2013 CD "Cocktails With Santa" includes his ORIGINAL songs, "CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS" and "HANNUKAH IN LAS VEGAS."  Here are the lyrics to these swingin' holiday hits:

CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS by Richard Cheese

Christmas in Las Vegas
Decorate your tree with chips
Let's roll a yo beneath the mistletoe
While that angel strips

Rudolph sold the sled, now he's betting on red
In a casino made out of gingerbread
Christmas in Las Vegas
It's a trip!

The wise men are rolling sevens
The elves are doubling down
Light a candle, and pull the handle
I love that jingling sound

Every showgirl and boy ride in a sleigh of joy
Pulled by eight tiny tigers eating Siegfried & Roy
Christmas in Las Vegas
What a town!

Santa brought me two aces
I wonder if I should split?
Hey waitress, bring me a drink, while I think
What would Jesus hit?

The strip lights are all twinkling
There's no room at the inn
But because 'tis the season
They'll comp a suite for Mary at the Wynn!

Christmas in Las Vegas
It's Bethlehem with Bling!

Let's hope the dealer brings four newborn kings
'Cause my baby needs a brand new pair of five golden rings

Christmas in Las Vegas really swings!
Cha cha cha ching

I said Christmas in Las Vegas really swings!
 


*   *   *   *   *


HANNUKAH
IN LAS VEGAS by Richard Cheese

Hannukah in Las Vegas
It's a festival of neon lights
Bet a dollar, and eat some challah
The strip is kosher tonight

There's a menorah, on the Tropicana
And a stripper wearing just a yarmulke
Hannukah in Las Vegas
Eight swingin' nights

The Baruch Atah Adonai blessing
Is sung by a showgirl choir
When it's time to light the candles each night
Penn & Teller set them on fire

All the yentas make stops, at the Forum Shops
And the tzimmes is made with Carrot Tops
Hannukah in Las Vegas
Try the lambchops

Aleph, Bet, Gimel, Dalet
Moses went to the Luxor
To shoot craps with Pharaoh
As he rolled the dice, he said real nice
Let my people Yo!

The cantors are playing poker
They use chocolate coins for chips
All the rabbis bet, on dreidel roulette
And the casino moyel takes tips

Hannukah in Las Vegas
It's a real gelt trip!
Well, the shamash here is The Stratosphere
And David Copperfield makes the latkes disappear

Hannukah in Las Vegas
Mazeltov
Sammy's watching from above
I said Hannukah in Las Vegas
What's not to love

 

CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS
HANNUKAH IN LAS VEGAS
by RICHARD CHEESE & LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
from the album "COCKTAILS WITH SANTA" (2013)
WRITTEN BY MARK JONATHAN DAVIS
PUBLISHED BY IDEATOWNUSA RECORDINGS (ASCAP)
(C) COPYRIGHT 2006/2013 IDEATOWN ENTERTAINMENT / MJD
www.richardcheese.com

 

 

Richard Cheese's 2011 CD "A Lounge Supreme" features another all-new ORIGINAL song written by Richard Cheese, "LET'S LOUNGE."  Here are the lyrics:

LET'S LOUNGE by Richard Cheese

Well, there's trouble brewin' all around
Crime is up and the dollar's down
The sea is black and the air is brown
And the meter is in the red

Here's the message I'm deliverin'
If this mean old world that we're livin' in
Makes you feel like givin' in
Well I say, yes, go ahead!

Let's Lounge, that's my battle cry
Let's Lounge, don't even try
Let's Lounge, no more thinkin'
Let's Lounge, just keep drinkin'
Leave your troubles laying around
Get up, Sit down, and Let's Lounge

Your beer is warm and your steak is cool
You're losing sleep and you're failing school
Your immediate supervisor is a tool
Life can drive you up the wall

You starve and strive and slave and sweat
You try so hard, but nowhere you get
But do not fight, and do not fret
Why stand when you can fall?

Let's Lounge, drop the ball
Let's Lounge, cancel that wakeup call
Let's Lounge, life can be fair
Let's Lounge, if you don't care
Leave your troubles laying around
Get up, Sit down, and Let's Lounge

Everyone's after that pot of gold
But I bet it weighs a ton
It may be customary to seek a bowl of cherries
But fill mine with Ketel One

So if your lady's loose and your money's tight
If you're in a tunnel without a light
Here's a phrase for you to recite
But don't bother singin' it right

Let's Lounge, fill up your glass
Let's Lounge, get on your ass
Let's Lounge, buy three TV's
Let's Lounge, listen to Richard Cheese
Leave your troubles laying around
Get up, Sit down, and Let's Lounge

Give your worries the brush and we'll paint the town
Get up, Sit down and Let's Lounge

LET'S LOUNGE by RICHARD CHEESE & LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
from the album "A LOUNGE SUPREME"
WRITTEN BY MARK JONATHAN DAVIS & NOEL MELANIO
PUBLISHED BY IDEATOWNUSA RECORDINGS AND ASIAN BOSS MUSIC (ASCAP)
(C) COPYRIGHT 2009 IDEATOWN ENTERTAINMENT / RICHARD CHEESE / MJD
www.richardcheese.com


 

LETTERS

Here are some of the letters which have been included inside Richard Cheese's CDs.

 

A LOUNGE SUPREME

We've been lounging against the machine for 11 years now, and as much as I love the music and the martinis and the martinis, I have to say that the fans are my favorite part of the gig. Why? Because they get it. Because they understand that swing thing that we bring. And because they buy the tickets, order the drinks, sing along, and clap at the end. We have the best, most loyal audiences in the world, and for that, I am ever grateful. I am also ever grateful for the photo on page 5 of the girl with the awesome boobs. Thank you, goodnight.

— RC

 

 


JOHNNY ALOHA: LAVAPALOOZA (produced by Richard Cheese)

Please see www.johnnyaloha.com.

 

 


SILENT NIGHTCLUB

Date: Sun, 24 Dec 2006 03:53:17 -0800
From: "Santa Claus" <redsuit69@northpoleonline.net>
TO:  "Richard Cheese" <@richardcheese.com>
Subject: Re: Yo
Envelope-TO:  @richardcheese.com

hey dick--

got your message, sorry I haven't replied sooner...been crazy busy with all the lists, the toys, and of course, the hos hos hos!! LOL.

all the elves say hello, they've been listening to your CDs in the workshop. make sure you send us your new album when it comes out----you can just send us one CD, then i'll burn copies for everyone. JUST KIDDING!

anyways, i know you've been good this year, so i'm bringing you pretty much everything on your list. i did have a couple questions/notes...

1) if i can't get you a solid gold microphone, is silver okay? i realize it won't match the cymbals, but i think it will be less gaudy, yes?
2) they don't sell sky vodka in a 50-gallon drum, i checked, the regular size bottles will have to do, hope that's cool.
3) i couldn't find a 1968 hot wheels mint redline deora in purple without the chapparal sticker, maybe try ebay?
4) your dry cleaners doesn't offer gift certificates, so i'm just going to bring
you 52 tuxedoes, you can just use one a week, then throw them away.
5) which jessica did you want? alba, biel, simpson, or rabbit?
5b) haven't forgotten about jennifer aniston from last year's wish list---not sure if she's sort of been there done that with the "Swingers" scene, but don't give up hope, she has your number. also, i've got a call in to the E.R. chick for you.
6) still working on the world peace thing, it's a very popular request, i'll keep you posted.
7) new president of the u.s. is on everyone's list...ask me again in 2008!

well, that's it for now....i have to go polish the sleigh, if you know what i mean. hope you have a great holiday season, give my regards to the band, a merry christmas to all, and to all a blah blah blah.

peace out,
$AnTa

p.s. mrs. claus says thanks for the I LOVE DICK thong...i changed it to
I LOVE ST. NICK, though! ha ha ha


 

SUNNY SIDE OF THE MOON CD

Whether I'm strolling down a street, walking through a casino, or waking up in a whorehouse, I always feel so blessed when fans tell me how much they enjoy our music. I'm grateful and glad to hear their kind words, pose for a picture (even though the flash never ever ever ever EVER works), and answer their questions.

People always ask me, "Richard Cheese—is that your real name?" And I say, "Of course—why would I make up a name like that? What, are you an idiot?"
Many of my fans also ask me, "Hey Dick, if I'm going to have sex with one of your groupies, should I use a condom? Or two?"

But the question I hear most is, "How do you pick the songs for your CD's? What is it about a particular number that makes it right for your unique and trademarked brand of masterful swankification?"

Well, that's actually two questions. Nevertheless, I will answer them both, simultaneously, with this simple response: I don't know. I just don't know.
When we're looking for songs to interpret, I guess I'm searching for that something special: that unforgettable line, or phrase, or feel...that certain je nais parle pas which turns a simple song into an enduring standard. You won't find it in the sheet music, on the piano keys, or under the stage lights. It appears out of nowhere, like a long lost love; it whispers in your ear, kicks you in the guts, and sends you home with a note pinned to your heart which reads, "Remember," written with a Sharpee.

In other words, stop asking me this question, jerkface. Don't ask how the magic happens; don't try to figure out how they saw the lady in half; and don't call the cops just because I grabbed your girlfriend's chi-chi during the second set. Don't analyze it, man. Just trust it, live it, believe in The Cheese, and let the music and me do what we do best: lounge, baby.

Of course, when I say we, I am also referring to that talented team of seasoned musicians, recording engineers, and cocktail waitresses who have worked so hard to make it all sound so easy. To those dedicated professionals who have helped make all of those albums, concerts, broadcasts, and table dances possible, I say a heartfelt thank you, and I apologize again that I spent your paychecks on hooch. Whoops!

You know, in these crazy times, what with the hurricanes and earthquakes and tsunamis and Republicans, we must remember that, at least, the music is always there for us, and always will be. Wherever you go, whoever you do, there is, waiting faithfully for you at the end of the day, a great lyric, a memorable melody, and a happenin' tune. A beloved song is your loyal companion, your old standby, your home away from home, an ally in your corner. Yes, friends, you can always count on the music, the one language that everyone, everywhere understands. Are you listening, Gargamel?

And, so, with your permission, we've assembled a few of our favorite favorites for your listening pleasure. Some are old, some are new, and all of them are chock full of that swing thing that we bring. These are the songs that mean something to me, and I hope they become an important part of your life, too. So play them on your stereo, or your peapod, or whatever the hell you huffers are listening to these days...and let the music heal you.

Broke up with your gal? Listen to "Creep." Work got you down? Put on "People Equals Shit." Crushed by the repressive imperialistic crapitalism of a ruthless elitist theocracy? Try a little "Fight For Your Right (To Party)."

On some days, these songs may be the only lights you can find to help illuminate that big dark nightclub we call life. But that's okay...because even if the bar is closed, and the showgirls have gone home, I'll still be there to sing for you... and for me.

Remember....candy is dandy, liquor is quicker, but cheddar is better.

Your lounge singin' pal,

RC

P.S. Just because this is a Greatest Hits album doesn't mean you don't have to buy the rest of my CDs. Buy them, fuckers! Seriously! I am so broke it's pathetic! Do you know how much it costs to dry-clean a tiger-striped tuxedo thirty fucking times a year? Have you ever seen the bar tab after a gig with a full horn section? And let's not forget the private detectives, the antibiotics, and the bail bonds! Just go to my website, buy one of everything, and help me get the white devil off my back!


 

I'D LIKE A VIRGIN CD

FROM THE DESK OF ##### #########

When Richard Cheese faxed to ask if I would write a letter for the liner notes of his next CD, I figured he was just trying to suck up to me so I would play his new record on K###.

That's the trouble with being a program director of a major market radio station---people never want #####, the individual; they always want ##### the PD, ##### the music whizkid, ##### the award-winning Senior Vice-President of Programming for ######## ############, and All-Powerful Industry Dominating Smash Sniffer. At the end of the workday, when the hit factory whistle blows five o'clock, I feel a little...used.

Sure, I've got an office full of gold records and chronic and autographed Gwen Stefani posters, but all that doesn't keep out the icy truth: When you sit in my chair, people treat you like a piece of meat....they never look you in the eye. Sometimes I feel like a woman, and my radio stations are my breasts. Actually, I felt that way before I even got into radio. Long story.

Anyway, it was a thrill to be invited to write these liner notes, and I am priveleged to help out my old friend Richard Cheese. But what Cheese doesn't know is that I'm NOT going to play his record. Not at all. I don't think it's very good. No one does. It's a total stiff. I mean, good luck getting airplay with this piece of shit, you know? Yikes!

But none of this will bother him. He's used to rejection, to hurt, to heartbreak. That's what he sings; that's the world in which he lives. And that's why this album of "loungified love songs from the 80's, 90's, and today" is all the more poignant: while the songs he sings are heartbreaking, so too is Cheese's failure to succeed with those songs, primarily because of the cold crushing hammer of corporate radio, which I swing proudly over my head like a mighty Viking warrior! HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA!!!

Anyway, congratulations on the new CD, Dick! And quit calling me, fucker!

Cordially,

##### #########
Senior Vice-President of Programming, ######## ############


 

► TUXICITY CD

A LETTER FROM "TUXICITY" EXECUTIVE PRODUCER JACK MONTEREY

A tux. A microphone. A voice. These are his tools.

A room. A stage. A night. These are his office.

A one, a two, a three . . .
Ladies and Gentlemen . . .
Richard Cheese.

For what feels like years, Richard Cheese has been treating speakeasy audiences to his unique blend of belt and heartfelt, a journeyman saloonster's story told through lyrical imagery, vocal phrasing, and a lonesome spotlight in the wee small hours. Yes, there are the snazzy jackets, the tabloid stories, his notorious libido and on-stage tirades, but all of these belie the sensitively complex artiste behind the ever jostling highball.

Cheese's vibrant style and easy-going suave, as several critics have pointed out, are more than simply a projection of his personality. When Dick swings, he does it from way down inside, then when it hits the hi-fi, it's mellowed and restrained. Funny thing . . . you don't realize he's swinging until you start swinging. By then you know it's the real thing.

His measured smooth, his effortless control ­­ and those songs! Oh, those songs, chosen carefully by the singer himself from the brightest standard writers on the music charts, each tune selected because it fits the code, tells the story a different way, got under his skin or into his pocket. In the sauce of Dick's rich tones, these tunes kick off their shoes then kick out your guts. This is lounge music, sung from the heart, shot from the hip, and drunk from the dregs.

But what exactly is "lounge music" anyway? Is it music to be played while lounging? In a lounge? Or a combination of both? Or neither? Well, ask yourself another question: What is hamburger? Chopped ham? No, it's chopped steak.

And that's what Richard Cheese is all about. The contradiction. The conflict. The love-hate relationship with love and hate. He is smooth yet tough. He is easy but complicated. He is powerful 'n' tender. He is all or nothing, now and forever, sad and hopeful, last night and late December, head over heels and down in the dumps, lonely in a crowd and pals with the night. He's still carrying a torch for some gal somewhere . . . and perhaps, maybe, I wonder, is it a tiki torch?

Does its flame burn? Sure. Is the heat white hot? Of course. But where there's smoke, there's fire, and Richard Cheese is comfortable in a haze which might cause others to cough, but in fact makes this fella stronger. If all is fair in love and war, and war is hell, then don't be surprised to find a tuxedoed Dick strolling carefree along a Hades sidewalk under a certain old devil moon, whistling with lips that have been there, done that, save it, so long.

That celebrated ease of his is the result of mastery over the details of the craft, and on TUXICITY, you get to hear an old hand plying the musical waters in that craft, navigating us through a new "Golden Age" of songwriting. And rest assured, this will be quite a bon voyage, because the commander is at the wheel, snapping his fingers and hard to port.

With his sophomore LP, we present another collection of songs for swingin' slackers. These are the happenin' numbers that the kids are listening to ­­ old and new, hot and cool, blue and bluer ­­ and Richard Cheese and his Lounge Against The Machine trio (Bobby, Gordon, and Buddy) have swankified them with that traditional laid-back luxe pop vocal thing. And who is more suited to these arrangements, this style, this indigo mood (and vice versa) than Mr. Cheese? No one, Joe.

Dick's treatments of these songs speak to us. They speak for us. They ask questions, and then they answer them in complete sentences. They say something ­­ something important, something now, something wow. YES, I like big butts. YES, I'm hot for teacher. YES, I fell in love with a girl, and YES, she fucking hates me. These are the songs that tell the truth, that pull no punches, that ring our bells, that make the whole world sing. And isn't that what the world needs now? A little singin', a little snappin', a little Dick?

Just ask the performers who have begged "The Velveeta Fog" to sing their songs. And ask the countless listeners in radio land why they tune in with such frequency (!) for their dose of Dick. You'll find the answer at the top of a chart, at the front of a bar, at the edge of the beat, under it, beside it, on it, working it, selling it, saving the receipt and then returning it . . . you'll find it in that Voice.

When Cheese is singing, we are listening to the music, but hearing something more. Thanks to RC's honest pipes, when a Mystikal invites us to "Shake [Our] Ass," or when a System Of A Down orders us the "Chop Suey," we wonder if we are listening to the song ­­ or are we living it? Is Dick singing about me? Is that lyric telling my story? Is it me who needs to "relax"? Am I really "insane" in the "membrane," and subsequently, "insane" in the "brain?" Am I a "loser," "baby"? Or, are we all?

Yes...unless you're Richard Cheese. But you aren't, because only one cat is lucky enough to be, and that's him. That's Dick.

I am reminded of a musical question, posed so innocently and so many years ago by that gifted lyricist of the pop combo Weezer, Mr. Mario Cuomo, who asked, "What's with these homies dissin' my girl?"

In these times of worry and wonder, let us answer that query with a reverie. Let us take a trip away from the hustle bustle of the workaday world, to a far away bar lined with bottles and dreams. There, in the corner, standing on a stage, alone, is the lounge singer. He doesn't want to be there, but he has no place else to go. He's wearing a tiger-striped tux, gripping a martini like a gun, and crooning his heart out. He's singing for all of us, and singing for himself at the same time. You need him. And he needs you.
And another drink. Buy him it.

­­ Jack Monterey, Executive Producer
September 2002*

* special thanks to Perry Como for liner notes inspiration


 

► TUXICITY CD

A NOTE FROM RICHARD CHEESE ABOUT MUSIC PIRACY

Dear Friend:

Unauthorized reproduction of this audio recording is a violation of applicable copyright laws.  Please do not "rip" the "cuts" off this "disc" and then "burn" them on to "CDR" because that would be "illegal" and we would have to "kick" your "ass."  Indeed, any copying, duplication, redistribution, uploading, downloading, emailing, MP3ing, Napsterring, dubbing, and/or otherwise scamming of this CD is music piracy and that truly hurts the recording artist and it is unethical, evil, and you suck if you do it, because man, we spent a shit load of dough making this album and we really need the CDs to sell bigtime so that we can recoup the investment and also I gotta pay for all those dinners last year with that one girl who seemed really interested at first, you know, with all the lovey-dovey stuff, saying she had never felt that with anyone before, and we both knew she wasn't lying this time, and she's back every weekend for more, and it seems like it's going somewhere, but then the phone suddenly stops ringing, and she drops me cold without any explanation and I'm left eating two 49cent tacos on a Friday night, sitting alone in my car in a parking lot somewheres, listening to a worn-out Sinatra CD, not crying, but not exactly smiling either, you know what I mean, Charlie?  Oh, and by the way, I didn't steal THAT CD, did I?  Nope.  I PAY for CDs with MONEY.  So quit fucking stealing our music, bzitch!


 

LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE CD

A LETTER FROM RICHARD CHEESE

Ladies and Gentlemen––

In the summer of 1984, a friend gave me a cassette of an album
called GUMBOOTS ACCORDION JIVE HITS, VOLUME II. But I digress.

How about those kids today with their rock music, huh? They're
mad at something alright, but I guess it's hard for us squares
to figure out just what!

But you know, folks, underneath their vitriolic veneer of
cacophonous angst and anarchist posturing can be often found
charming lyrics, soaring melodies, and sophisticated imagery that
hark(s) back to the golden era of the American standard. These are
songs that have that special thing happening, man, no matter how
loud they're being shrieked by the punks with the tats.

And so, with your permission, we've selected some select
selections from what my homey Tony Bennett might call "The Great
Alternative Songbook," and performed them in our own snappy––-and
perhaps Grammy-worthy-––style, something we call "standards
operating procedure." Yes, we're sharing their rage...and loving it!

We only hope that by exposing these relatively obscure groups and
their "tracks" to a wider audience, we can somehow connect the
youth of tomorrow, what with their hoverpants and atomic cups, to
the music of yesterday, and/or last Tuesday evening. So, sit back
in your IKEA Poang chair, dim the clapper, turn up your Hi-Fi set,
and listen as we lounge against the machine.

––Richard Cheese, September 2000

  click to enlarge


CONTEST FROM 2011:

WHO WILL GIVE BIRTH TO
RICHARD CHEESE'S LUCKY 11-11-11 BABY?

Yes, November 11, 2011 is 11-11-11, the luckiest day of the century!

And, it might also be YOUR lucky day because
YOU might be THE MOTHER OF RICHARD CHEESE'S BABY, to be BORN ON 11-11-11!

Whose womb will win?

Click here for contest details!  richardcheese.com/11


Remember, you gotta be in it to win it!

WHO WILL GIVE BIRTH TO  RICHARD CHEESE'S 11-11-11 BABY?
 

●  ●  ●

 


 


 

LOUNGE OF FAME

Each year on Valentine's Day, Richard Cheese inducts a famous lounge singer into the Lounge Hall Of Fame.

 

2005:  FRANK SINATRA
The man, the music, the myth...the original lounge singer.

Ladies and gentlemen...Francis Albert Sinatra.

Born in New Jersey in 1915, Frank Sinatra got his start singing on the radio in the 1930's and swinging with big bands in the 1940's.  By the next decade, he was a vocal superstar, with a legion of Bobbysoxer teen fans swooning for his crooning.  Soon "The Voice" stepped into TV appearances and movie roles, starring in musicals, mysteries, comedies, and dramas, even winning an Oscar for his work in "From Here To Eternity."  When the 1960's rolled around, Sinatra was the biggest name in mainstream music, selecting the best songs, collaborating with the best arrangers, and making the best recordings of the century.

It was around this time that Frank and his showbiz pals established their Rat Pack and laid down the laws of lounge:  liquor, libido, and laughs.  Frank lived it up with wild shows in Vegas casinos, inside jokes on Hollywood movie sets, late nights in snazzy bars, and whirlwind relationships with Ava Gardner, Mia Farrow, Marilyn Monroe, Jack Daniels, the mob, and the JFK presidential campaign.  Against the backdrop of post-war daze, cold war drama, and Vietnam war discord, Sinatra was a superhero role model for grownups; casual and confident, talented but tough, sophisticated yet sophomoric.

The carefree camaraderie of The Chairman and his Board is what lounge is all about:  let's forget our troubles, get happy, and have a gang of fun while we're still young.  But beyond the brash and bubbly and babes, it was always about the music.  Sinatra had a style and a delivery that worked in every era, on every ear.  He held notes and audiences captive, letting them inside his guts for brief moments, sending them away into nights that were both lonesome and lovely.  Most songs are love songs, some happy, most sad; Frank Sinatra sang them all, and made them his own, unforgettable, and ours, forever.



While his career cooled in the 1970's, Sinatra remained the original rockstar of song, stage, and screen, outlasting Elvis Presley, Jack Benny, Bing Crosby, John Lennon, Gene Kelly, and Dean Martin.  By then a living legend, Ol' Blue Eyes retreated to his Palm Springs pad and gave us a few comeback concerts, retrospective boxed sets, and TV cameos before he faced his final curtain in 1998.

Today, he is ever remembered for his artistry, his presence, and the everlasting echo of his voice:  low, longing, and telling everyone's story with a song, a drink, and a broken heart.

Here's to the first and last lounge singer, Frank Sinatra.

---Richard Cheese, February 2005


Essential CDs:
In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning, Sinatra and Swingin' Brass, Live In Paris, 80th Birthday Collection, Live At The Sands, Sinatra & Sextet In Paris


Essential DVDs:
From Here To Eternity, The Manchurian Candidate, On The Town, Ocean's Eleven, High Society, Guys And Dolls, Sinatra: A Man And His Music


Essential Books:
Frank Sinatra: An American Legend by Nancy Sinatra, The Way You Wear Your Hat by Bill Zehme

 

2006:  DEAN MARTIN
The coolest cat in the rat pack.

His real name was Dino Crocetti, but by the 1950's his stage name Dean Martin was synonymous with suave, cigarettes, serenading, and sauce---but not the spaghetti kind.

It was Dino's drinking that defined his persona, the smashed smart aleck who could hold his liquor and hold his own next to Sinatra, Sammy, and the rest of the rats in 1960's Vegas.  Sometimes pretending to be bombed, other times literally oblivious to his surroundings, Dean Martin served up a brand of lackadaisical lounge singer that combined spoof and aloof with 80 proof talent.

It was that talent that made him one of America's most beloved stars.  He started on radio in the 1940's, and after connecting with comedian Jerry Lewis, he became the singing straight man in one of the most successful comedy teams in film.  Throughout the fifties and sixties, Martin grew as a hitmaking heartthrob (he knocked The Beatles off the charts with "Everybody Loves Somebody"), high-paid TV series host (NBC gave him $25,000 per episode, unheard of in 1965), and movie idol, trading in Jerry Lewis for the likes of Marlon Brando, John Wayne, and of course, Frank Sinatra.

It was with that Rat Pack that Dean's automatic smooth and natural ease shone their brightest.  He not only sang, but he also had flawless comedy timing and an unforgettable stage presence (sometimes he'd throw a lighted cigarette butt behind him, then cover his ears as if a grenade was about to explode).  And when he sang, his voice was warm, gentle, soft, sweet, never belting, but always melting the hearts of his fans.  He put out dozens of albums of romantic ballads, swing numbers, pop standards, Italian folk songs, and Cowboy trail songs.  I've never heard a bad Dean Martin song; he was just that good.

By the 1970's, Dean was the clown prince of the vocal music scene, and he reached a whole new audience with his "Dean Martin Celebrity Roast" TV specials.  True, they were packed with camp, cheese, schmooze, and booze, but they were also packed with the very biggest names in show business, who showed up whenever Dino called.

As he grew older, he still had wild nights, but he would often call the cops on his own parties when he got tired of his guests!  He did a few movie cameos late in his career ("Cannonball Run" anyone?), toured with Sinatra and Sammy one last time in the 1980's, and continued to make memorable appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson (one time, prankster Dino tapped his cigarette ashes into George Gobel's coffee mug).

It was those cigarettes that took Dino off the stage in 1995.  He will always be remembered for his style, his smile, and his laid-back charm.

Let's raise our martinis and microphones...here's a toast to the great Dean Martin.

---Richard Cheese, February 2005


Essential CDs:
Dino: The Essential Dean Martin, That's Amore, Cha-Cha de Amor, This Time I'm Swingin', A Winter Romance

Essential DVDs:
Ocean's 11, Rio Bravo, Robin & The Seven Hoods, The Caddy, Airport, The Dean Martin Roasts, Cannonball Run, and any Matt Helm flick

Essential Books:
Memories Are Made of This:  Dean Martin Through His Daughter's Eyes

 

2007:  SAMMY DAVIS, JR.
The Rat Pack's triple threat.

 



Sammy.  That's all I need to say.

---Richard Cheese, February 2007


Essential CDs:

Essential DVDs:
Robin & The Seven Hoods, Ocean's 11, Cannonball Run, The Jeffersons Season 5

Essential Books:
Yes I Can

 

2008:  TONY BENNETT
The lounge singer's lounge singer.

 



In 1995, I was backstage after a Tony Bennett concert.  We had worked together a few years earlier, so I walked up to Tony to re-introduce myself and say hello.  Here was the exchange:

RC:  Hi, Tony, how are you doing?
TB:  Hey!
RC:  That was a great show!
TB:  Wow!

---Richard Cheese, February 2008


Essential CDs:
Cloud 9, Steppin' Out, Perfectly Frank, The Essential Tony Bennett

Essential Songs:
I Left My Heart In San Francisco, When Joanna Loved Me, Wave, Stranger In Paradise, Rags To Riches.

Essential DVDs:
The Oscar, Goodfellas

Essential Books:
The Art Of Tony Bennett
 

 


 

"CHEESE SHOP" SKETCH

John Cleese and Michael Palin star in this classic sketch from the British television comedy series "Monty Python's Flying Circus."  This scene first aired on November 30, 1972. (New transcription January 2007.)

video temporarily unavailable

 

"CHEESE SHOP" SCRIPT

A MAN (played by John Cleese) walks down a street and stops in front of "Ye Old Cheese Emporium," noticing a sign outside that reads, "Henry Wensleydale, Purveyor of Fine Cheese to the Gentry, and the Poverty Stricken Too," and another sign which reads "Licensed For Public Dancing."  The MAN enters, and notices two men dressed in traditional garb dancing as a Bouzouki player strums.  The MAN approaches the counter and rings the service bell.  The OWNER (played by Michael Palin) enters.

OWNER:  Morning, Sir?

MAN:  Morning. Um, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through 'Rogue Herries' by Horace (sic; "Hugh") Walpole, when I suddenly came over all peckish.

OWNER:  Peckish, sir?

MAN:  Esurient.

OWNER:  Eh?

MAN:  EE, I WERE ALL 'UNGRY-LIKE!

OWNER:  Ah, hungry!

MAN:  In a nutshell.  So I thought to myself, 'a little fermented curd will do the trick.'  So, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!

OWNER:  Come again?

MAN:  I WANT TO BUY SOME CHEESE!

OWNER:  Oh, I thought you were complaining about the music!

MAN:  Oh, heaven forbid; I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

OWNER:  Sorry?

MAN:  AH LAHK A NICE DANCE, YER FORSHTEE!

VIKING (CAMEO): Anyway!

OWNER:  Who said that?

MAN:  Now, my good man, some cheese please!

OWNER:  Yes, certainly, sir.  What would you like?

MAN:  Well, uh, how about a little Red Leicester.

OWNER:  I'm afraid we're fresh out of Red Leicester, sir.

MAN:  Oh, never mind. How are you on, uh, Tilsit?

OWNER:  Never at the end of the week, sir, always get it fresh first thing on Monday.

MAN:  Tish tish.  No matter.  Um, well, four ounces of Caerphilly, then, if you please, stout yeoman.

OWNER:  Ah!  Well, it's been on order for two weeks, sir.  Was expecting it this morning...

MAN:  Yes, it's not my day, is it?  Aah, Bel Paese?

OWNER:  Sorry.

MAN:  Red Windsor?

OWNER:  Uh, normally, sir, yes.   But today the van broke down.

MAN:  Ah.  Uh, Stilton?

OWNER:  Sorry.

MAN:  Gruyere?  Emmental?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Any Norwegian Jarlsberger?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Liptauer?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Lancashire?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  White Stilton?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Danish Blue?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Double Gloucester?

OWNER:  (pause) No.

MAN:  Cheshire?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Any Dorset Blue Vinney?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Brie, Roquefort---

OWNER:  No...

MAN:  ---Pont-l'Eveque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L'Est, Boursin, Bresse Bleu, Perle de Champagne, Camembert?

OWNER:  Ah!  We do have some Camembert, sir!

MAN:  You do!  Excellent!

OWNER:  It's a...bit runny.

MAN:  Oh, oh, I like it runny!

OWNER:  Well, as a matter of fact it's...it's very runny, sir.

MAN:  No matter, no matter! Hand over la fromage de la Belle France qui s'appelle Camembert, s'il vous plait!

OWNER:  I think it's runnier than you like it, sir.

MAN:  I don't care how excrementally runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.

OWNER:  Yes sir!  (then)  Ohhh!!

MAN:  What?

OWNER:  The cat's eaten it.

MAN:  Has he?

OWNER:  She, sir.

(pause)

MAN:  Gouda?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Edam?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Caithness?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Smoked Austrian?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Sage Darby?

OWNER:  No sir.

MAN:  You...do have some cheese, do you?

OWNER:  Certainly, sir!  It's a cheese shop, sir!  We've got uh---

MAN:  No no no no!  No, don't tell me.  I'm keen to guess.

OWNER:  Fair enough.

MAN:  Wensleydale?

OWNER:  Yes sir?

MAN:  Splendid!  Well, I'll have some of that then please!

OWNER:  Oh!  I'm sorry sir, I thought you were referring to me...Mister Wensleydale.

(pause)

MAN:  Gorgonzola?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Parmesan?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Mozzarella?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Pippo Creme?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Any Danish Fimboe?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Czechoslovakian sheep's milk cheese, perhaps?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

OWNER:  Not today, sir, no.

MAN:  Well, let's keep it simple.  Um, how about Cheddar?

OWNER:  Well, I'm afraid we don't get much call for it 'round these parts, sir.

MAN:  Not much call---It's the single most popular cheese in the world!?!

OWNER:  Not 'round these parts, sir.

MAN:  And pray what is the most popular cheese 'round these parts?

OWNER:  Ilchester, sir.

MAN:  I see.

OWNER:  Yes, sir, it's quite staggeringly popular in the manor, squire.

MAN:  Is it?

OWNER:  Yes, sir, it's our number one seller.

MAN:  Is it?

OWNER:  Yes, sir.

MAN:  Ilchester, eh?

OWNER:  Right.

MAN:  Okay, I'm game.  'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'No'.

OWNER:  I'll have a look, sir.  Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...No.

MAN:  It's not much of a cheese shop, really, is it?

OWNER:  Finest in the district, sir!

MAN:  And what leads you to that conclusion?

OWNER:  Well, it's so clean!

MAN:  Well, it's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.

OWNER:  You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.

MAN:  Is it worth it?

OWNER:  Could be.

MAN:  Okay, have you -- WILL YOU SHUT THAT BLOODY DANCING UP!?!!

(The men stop dancing.)

OWNER:  I told you so!

MAN:  Ahem.  Have you got any Limburger?

OWNER:  No.

MAN:  No, that figures.  No...pretty predictable, really.  It was an act of pure optimism to have posed the question in the first place.  Uh, tell me something...do you have any cheese at all?

OWNER:  Yes, sir!

MAN:  Now, I'm going to ask you that question once more.  And if you say 'No,' I'm going to shoot you through the head.  Now, do you have any cheese at all?

OWNER:  No.

(The MAN takes out a gun and shoots the OWNER, who dies.)

MAN:  What a senseless waste of human life.
 

(C) Copyright 1972 Monty Python's Flying Circus.  Reprinted with no permission whatsoever.
 


 

 

DICK'S "SAY WHAT? KARAOKE" DIARY

In 2001, Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine appeared as the House Band on 25+ episodes of MTV's "Say What? Karaoke" series.  Hosted by former New Kid On The Block Joey McIntyre, and co-hosted by RC, the show featured showgirls, celebrity judges, and dozens of teens performing their own singing and dancing tributes to the big hit songs of the day.  The program was taped in Las Vegas at The Luxor Hotel, and aired on MTV throughout the year.

Joey, Natasha, and RC!

Below are excerpts from RC's personal tour diary from those fabulous days and nights.

THE LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
TOUR DIARY chapter 11 (12/10/2000)

"SAY WHAT KARAOKE TAPING, MTV/Las Vegas"
Club Ra, Luxor Hotel, Las Vegas

Holy crap! We is on a TV show!

Yes, RC and the LATM band (Buddy, Gordon, and Bobby) were jetted to Las Vegas to star as the houseband of MTV's new season of their hit show "Say What? Karaoke." Starring new host on the block Joey McIntyre, Richard performed in each episode as co-host, bandleader, and resident lounge singer, crooning tunes from his CD plus a smattering of smashes from the MTV ouevre. From Cisqo's "Thong Song" to Britney Spears' "Oops, I Did It Again," RC and the boys played song after song after song over the three-day, 15-show shoot. Although he was suffering from a nagging sore throat, the veteran vocalist downed cup after cup of ThroatCoat Tea, and delivered the notes and the numbers like a pro.

In addition to kicking out their catalog of kooky covers, musical director Bobby Ricotta led the band in the opening theme for the program, which featured RC serenading Joey with a variety of rhyming introductions ("His clothes just came out of the washer-dryer, here he is, Joey McIntyre!"). Bobby also chimed in with musical cues for the contestant cards, the celebrity judging, and the thrilling Wheel Of Death sequences. Buddy even tossed in some rimshots for the jokes of Jeffery Ross. Gordon added some of his trademark fretlessness, too.

From December 10th thru December 12th, RC and the MTV kids cranked out show after show of act after act of aspiring karaoke performers, many of whom were over the age of fourteen. Thankfully, a bevy of beautiful showgirls (including the card-carrying Natasha, Tanya, Season, and the ever-lovely Catherine) upped the age of the proceedings, and provided a much-needed supply of scantily-clad skin. Also fun to look at were nubile guest-judge actresses from Grosse Pointe, The Sopranos, and Roswell. On the show, Richard dedicated a song to Mystikal; at the after party, Gordon smoked something mystical.

But the coolest cat was Joey himself. Suave, genuine, and always "Nice," Joe was a pro at every opportunity, and treated RC and the boys with respect and kindness. He frequently sang along with the band's between-take jams, and even bought us a round of cocktails. Thanks, Joey, you put the Care in Karaoke.

The Las Vegas season of the "Say What Karaoke" Show began airing on January 2nd, 2001. Thanks to the bigshot New York MTV Executives, RC and his band are getting a shot at cable stardom, and they're pleased as punch, or at least juice.

Over the weekend, food came in the form of catered lunches, craft-service table snacks, a delightful dinner at Wolfgang Puck's Lupo restaurant, and several bouts of the Luxor's in-hotel McDonald's.

(see CHAPTER 13 below for MORE SWK ADVENTURES!)

THE LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
TOUR DIARY chapter 13 (01/13/01)

"SAY WHAT KARAOKE TAPING, MTV/Las Vegas, Part II"
Club Ra, Luxor Hotel, Las Vegas

Back in Vegas for three more days to tape 15 more episodes of MTV's "Say What Karaoke," Richard and his band found themselves in a dreamlike state, and we're not talkin' Nevada. The bright lights, the loud speakers, the endless parade of singing teenagers began to have an effect on the Loungers Against The Machine. Theme songs blended into covers. Rimshots mixed with drumrolls. Music videos became shimmering mirages of cavorting nymphs and dancing showgirls. Suddenly, it was no longer a TV show, but a surreal, out of body, immersive life experience, bookended by bursts of applause and howls of silence, sometimes on "Hold!," all on cue and always "Nice."

Yes, the entire cast and crew found themselves repeatedly intoning that adjective, and soon we were saying "Eight Is Great" at the Gold Coast craps tables, and "Seven Is Like Going To Heaven" to the hotel wake-up-call operator. We caught ourselves gesturing like hip-hop gangstas, and dreaming of cue cards and camera angles. Gordon claims to have awoken one night in a cold-sweat, screaming "I'm ready for the wheel of death; I'm ready to die!"

Say What Karaoke had become a part of our breathing; our bodies had been taken over by this highly-rated game show. Time stood still, stomachs growled empty, finger injuries added up, but the show barrelled on. We were helpless automatons at the mercy of the monitor, slaves to the rhythm of the rhymes, the hand-cues, the Jokers and Kings, and the ominous glow of the spherical tri-orbs of truth.

But then, Teck showed up. Yes, MTV's Direct Effect's Teck Money, a celebrity judge for the Semi-Finals, approached the stage on Tuesday morning and asked, "Can I sit in on a song?"

Next thing you know, Teck was behind the drumkit, and we were banging out a cover of Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock 'n' Roll," which TECK had REQUESTED. How cool is that guy? Then, RC called out "Rio" by Duran Duran, and sure enough, we played it. At one point, Joey McIntyre led the band in a rousing if not mumbled reading of Billy Idol's "Mony, Mony." The crowd went wild, we were all rockstars, and we remembered why we were there. For the music, man.

By the last day of taping, we had completed our 30th episode, washed away our 6th coat of makeup, and returned our tuxedoes and cufflinks for the last time. Night fell on the giant pyramid in which we lived for two weekends. No more of Joey's feather dancing, no more of Bobby's whimsical ravings. The empty bottles of water, a dry teacup, a fleeting, final glimpse of showgirl skin, and the exiting horde of high-schoolers in heels, and then--the empty stage sighing farewell. We were soon finishing dinner at PFChang's, and getting ready to head to the cast party. It was Tuesday, January 16th, around nine o'clock PM.

Nine is fine.

Richard Cheese sings on Say What? Karaoke!


 

FAN MAIL

Here are some of Richard Cheese's favorite messages, emails, and comments from fans.

 

EMAILS - Here are some emails from fans.  Email addresses have been omitted, and real last names have been stricken.

From: "Douglas W#######" <>
TOWNER:  <@richardcheese.com>
Subject: RC FanMail for Dick
Date: Thu, 4 May 2006 16:10:13 -0700

I absolutely LOVE listening to you go off the hook at the end of DOME.  Nothing has made my laugh harder in the last 10 years than listening to you saying, "and FUCK THIS CAT (meeowwrr!!) and FUCK THIS DOOR!!! (CRASH!) etc. etc.

thanks so fucking much, Richard Fucking Cheeeese.

Your pal and total stranger,

Douglas Fucking W#######


 

Date: Sat, 4 Mar 2006 13:04:09 -0800 (PST)
From: logan <>
Subject: Idea for a song to do.
TOWNER:  @richardcheese.com

Forever by The Berzerker, here are the lyrics just to give you an idea of how funny a louge singer version of it would be.

Always living on the line of what you think is right or wrong,
there was a time when even i could not bear to be alone,
needing someone or something that is not mine to call my own,
to have and hold,
severing the only line of trust that you once thought you had,
now that i can see past you i can start to be a man,
death to me seems no mistake for i have yet to hate,
so can you see my pain, can you feel my pain, can you see my...
this, is my world,
and i see, what you don't,
forever, wanting more,
life breathes, from our soul,
looking into bloodshot eyes mesmerized they can't look back,
slowly turning in my mind is the visions of your death,
finding truth amongst my lies but not accepting now i grow,
and gain control,
opening to inner sanctums that you do not understand,
having no respect for life and taking it with my bare hands,
always searching with contempt for ways to rid my pounding head,
from this place,
This, is my world,
and i see, what you don't,
forever, wanting more,
life breathes, from our souls.

Plus at one point it has a spoken part that says something about raping a headless corpse or something.


 

From: "Nick H######" <>
TOWNER:  @richardcheese.com
Subject: Fan Club, damnit
Date: Thu, 10 Aug 2006 21:32:54 -0700

My wife hates Vegas.

But she'll make an exception for you and the boys. And that's not a euphemism for your twig and berries. Just means she likes your music.

Alright, this email has already betrayed far too much information.

Keep swingin', boys.
H


 

From: Clint
Date: Sat, 3 Jun 2006 15:24:04 EDT
Subject: just fan mail
TOWNER:  @richardcheese.com

 
haha your music is awesome, it makes the lyrics to most songs seem retarded especially the darker stuff, keep pumping that sick ass shit out, FUCK YEA! no really
 

From: "William Scott L####### III" <>
TOWNER:  <@richardcheese.com>
Subject: Please don't retire from touring
Date: Tue, 20 Dec 2005 18:39:16 -0600

Dick,
  I know the world is, and can be, an awful place sometimes. Having you in it, and being able to look forward to your performances really does make it just a little bit brighter. I agree with, and support your call to action, not just for New Orleans, but for all the downtrodden, and disadvantaged. So please, consider taking a short break, rather than actually retiring. To quote your own Executive Producer, Jack Monterey, "Or else I'll come after you with a fucking bayonet."
 
With much love and respect,
William Scott Lockwood III

P.S. - love the autographed CD set! Worth every penny, and them some. :-)

 

From: "Matt W#####" <>
TOWNER:  @richardcheese.com
Subject: G'day Rikardo
Date: Thu, 08 Jun 2006 23:56:16 +0930

G'day Richard
May i just say thank you for the music. Im a Frank Bennett man originally, coming from Australia, but only recently have i discovered the world of the computer and your swanky band. Not that the computer found you, Triple J radio in Oz plays the Cheese, occasionaly,but since then I and every other man woman and dog talks in loving terms of the man they call  Dick.

PLEASE TOUR AUSTRALIA .. BEFORE OTHER SHIT.

would be worth your while especially in Adelaide where your reguarded in such lumanary* company such as God, Satan.
Hilariiously Your Hetro 32 y.o Aussie Bitch
Matty P
 
p.s *unsure
 

Date: Thu, 17 Aug 2006 03:04:39 -0700
From: <>
TOWNER:  <@richardcheese.com>

Hey, RC! Let me tell you how I found out about your CD: I masterbate .. wait .. is that the right word? ... Yes .. I masterbate to everything you've ever done ... Doooomeeee (we sing that at work) Dooooome ... is it gay to type that> Doooome... .. I (or in proper English "me") and my friends want you to swankify these songs:
Dude .. Mr. Roboto by Styx  ... I mean come on man .. I've just drank a fith of Crwon Ryoal ... I mean dude ... Mr Roboto man ...

Randy Fucking B#####

 

Date: Mon, 11 Jul 2005 16:32:49 -0700
Subject: Re: Thanks
From: Chad L#### <>
TOWNER:  <@richardcheese.com>

Rich,
 
Paul Anka is a blowhard douche bag.  Fuck him!
 

From: "Patrick N#####" <>
TOWNER:  <@richardcheese.com>
Subject: RC FanMail for Dick
Date: Fri, 17 Jun 2005 19:39:08 -0700

In regard to your appearance on the Opie and Anthony Show:

When you did the Shitdick song I had the best laugh I've had in a long time. I was walking the dog (not a metaphor...I was actually walking my dog) listening to the replay on my MyFi and I started laughing like a lunatic. Picture this ; a man walking in a suburban neighborhood with a dog on a leash and holding a plastic grocery bag containing shit fresh from the dog's bunghole...the man is doubled over laughing for no apparent reason. Glad nobody called the cops.
 
Thanks for the best laugh I've had in a long time. 
 
P.Niggity

 

PRESS RELEASES

Here are press releases from previous Richard Cheese CD releases.

 

► RICHARD CHEESE - OFFICIAL BIO
Please see our "PRESSKIT" page.

 

 

► "I'D LIKE A VIRGIN" - 2004 PRESS RELEASE


RICHARD CHEESE
SAVES MUSIC INDUSTRY
WITH NEW CD RELEASE
"I'D LIKE A VIRGIN"

(LAS VEGAS) - Lounge singer Richard Cheese is back in front of the microphone with I'D LIKE A VIRGIN, his all-new CD featuring 18 uncensored lounge-style remakes of rock, rap, and pop hits.

With his jazzy Lounge Against The Machine band and his trademark tiger-striped tuxedo, the liquored-up Las Vegas legend "swankifies" contemporary hits into traditional pop vocal standards.  Songs like Snoop Dogg's GIN & JUICE, Coldplay's YELLOW, Outkast's HEY YA and Jet's ARE YOU GONNA BE MY GIRL all get the lounge treatment as Dick mixes up his third album of kooky covers for cocktail lovers.

I'D LIKE A VIRGIN also offers Vegas versions of tunes originally by Motley Crue, Depeche Mode, Kelis, Green Day, Madonna, Blink182, Ludacris, Crazy Town, The Clash, Lords Of Acid, and Slayer.  Plus, the CD includes a tribute to Siegfried & Roy, cameos by Dick Clark and Howard Stern, and a croony cover of Michael Jackson's BEAT IT featuring Dick duetting with a children's choir.

Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine have gained fame as the house band on NBC's Last Call with Carson Daly (live in Vegas this May/June), and have appeared on CNN, Fox News Channel's Fox & Friends, MTV's Say What Karaoke series, SPIKE-TV, and the soundtrack of the motion picture "DAWN OF THE DEAD."

Dick's first two CDs, "Lounge Against The Machine" and "Tuxicity," won raves from critics, and his songs continue to air on radio stations like KROQ, Z100, Q101, and hundreds of others coast to coast.  The band plays to sellout crowds from Las Vegas to London, including gigs at the Universal Amphitheater with the Brian Setzer Orchestra, the Playboy Mansion, and Blink182 drummer Travis Barker's wedding.  This Spring, Cheese hits the road on his 2004 "HAIL TO THE CHEESE" farewell tour, followed by a reunion tour a few weeks later.

The I'D LIKE A VIRGIN CD is available wherever music is sold.  Song samples, booking info, and tour dates can be found at the band's official website:  richardcheese.com



 

"TUXICITY" - 2002 PRESS RELEASE

RICHARD CHEESE
& LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
RELEASE "TUXICITY" CD
ON SALE ON-LINE AT
richardcheese.com

(LAS VEGAS) America's loudest lounge singer Richard Cheese is back in black tie with "TUXICITY," an all-new CD featuring kooky lounge-style covers of rock hits.  With his swingin' Lounge Against The Machine band, the finger-snapping, liquor-lapping, night-capping crooner has turned another round of rock songs into traditional pop vocal standards.  The CD is on-sale on-line at richardcheese.com, at HOT TOPIC stores, and wherever music is sold.

While his critically-acclaimed 2000 CD "Lounge Against The Machine" showcased lounge music interpretations of alternative songs, "TUXICITY" spreads the Cheese wider with 18 uncensored selections from the alternative, rap, pop, Eighties, and classic rock charts.  "We hope these new tunes will attract an even bigger audience," says Cheese, "and that equals more free drinks for me and the band."

From The White Stripes to White Zombie, from Linkin Park to Cypress Hill, from Guns 'N Roses to Britney Spears, "TUXICITY" is a "fromage homage" to the biggest names in music.  "There are so many wonderful songs that the kids are listening to these days," continues Cheese, "and it's a kick to swankify them with that swing thing that we bring.  Waitress, can I get another one of these, please? And not so much ice this time."

Indeed, "TUXICITY" is the perfect mix of music, martini, and madcap as Dick delivers shaken and stirring Vegas versions of popular hits like "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot, "She Hates Me" by Puddle Of Mudd, "Chop Suey" by System Of A Down, "Shake Ya Ass" by Mystikal, and "Hot For Teacher" by Van Halen.  While the album does contain explicit, uncensored, and downright offensive lyrics, "bleeped" versions of the songs are available on promotional CD for broadcast and children's parties. A complete track list follows.

Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine have performed their special brand of cover-age on NBC's Last Call With Carson Daly, CNN, Fox News Channel's Fox & Friends Morning Program, The Howard Stern Show, and MTV's Say What Karaoke as the series house band.  Radio stations like KROQ, LIVE105, Z100, Q101, HFS, and hundreds of others are also down with the Dickness, as Richard's cheese receives regular major market airplay on morning shows and nightly top-request countdowns coast to coast.

Sporting his tiger-striped tuxedo and racing-striped libido, Cheese is touring the nation on his "One Nation Under Dick" tour, which takes the Los Angeles-based band to big gigs in NYC, Philly, DC, SF, Boston, Baltimore, Portland, Seattle, Vegas, and beyond. RC & LATM recently opened for The Brian Setzer Orchestra at the Universal Amphitheater, and are currently headlining Sunday nights at Sunset Station Casino in Las Vegas.  They've also played huge radio station concerts like the KROQ Acoustic Christmas, HFS Nutcracker, Y100's Feztival, and 91X X-Fest, plus they entertained at Blink182 drummer Travis Barker's wedding.  Tour and booking info can be found at Dick's website, richardcheese.com.

The "TUXICITY" CD is on sale on-line at richardcheese.com, and is also available at the band's concerts and selected record stores nationwide.  The CD is also on-sale at HOT TOPIC stores throughout the USA.

For interviews, promotional CDs, downloadable images, and drink recipes, please see contact info above.

 

 

 


A message from Richard Cheese:

January 2, 2014

Dear Friends, Fans, and NSA Monitors:

Happy New Year!

I'd like to thank you all so much for your kind support of Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine.

Many of you have been asking me why we haven't been touring for the last 6 months, why we don't have any shows scheduled for 2014, when I'm having my eye surgery, and why I have been drunk-dialing your wife at 11:59PM every night.

Well, it's a long story, but basically, in July 2013, I was hospitalized for this random staph infection on the back of my neck, and I almost DIED!  Like DEAD DIED!  I also had hernia surgery last year, plus I sprained my psoas (if you know what I mean), and all of that prevented me from getting the cornea operation I still need.

So, I've had to cancel our live concert tours until I get all my cricks fixed.  I'll tell the whole gruesome story in my forthcoming book "Atlas Lounged," but until then, I appreciate your patience, your enthusiasm, and your wife.

My eye surgery is finally rescheduled for May 2014.  I'm still writing my book, but with only one working eye, it's going slow, so it probably won't be released until November 2014.  Sorry again for the delays, but the book is realllllly going to be worth the wait, it's a lot of fun.  If you haven't pre-ordered "Atlas Lounged" yet, please visit www.atlaslounged.com .

In the meantime, thanks again for your loyalty and generous support.  I hope to be back in front of the microphone soon; I'll keep you posted on my progress.  Please follow me on FaceBook and Twitter and Instagram @RichardCheese, and maybe I'll even show you a photo of my psoas.  Or, ask your wife -- she's got the negatives.

Stay Swanky,

RC

P.S. Ow!

 

 


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coverage records
old tracks → new wax