NEW CONTEST:
 BE RICHARD'S MYSPACE
FRIEND-OF-THE-MONTH!

 

If you'd like to be Richard Cheese's MySpace Friend-Of-The-Month and win a prize, just make sure that you and your friends have added Richard ( www.myspace.com/richardcheese ) as a friend on MySpace, and add one of his songs to your profile.  If RC happens to visit YOUR MySpace page this month and you have his song playing, Richard will send you a MySpace message and you'll win a free "DICK AT NITE" CD!

 

 

APRIL 2004 CONTEST:
 WIN A CHANCE TO
STALK RICHARD CHEESE!

You love Richard Cheese...his music, his microphone, his everything!  Well, now you can put that emotion and devotion to good use and STALK HIM!

Yes, you, the obsessed fan, can WIN A CHANCE TO STALK RICHARD CHEESE!

Imagine...following Richard home after his gigs...invading his privacy...transforming his discarded trash into your own personal talisman!

Now, you can turn that nightmarish dream into dreamy reality by stalking Richard Cheese!

Here's how to enter:

1) No purchase necessary.  But, you do have to buy Richard Cheese's CDs.  That's the rules, sorry.

2) Study, memorize, and absorb the entire CD, and have text from it tattooed upon your person, and/or scrawled in blood (preferably your own) on a mirror in a public restroom or Pottery Barn.

3) With several ticket-buying friends, come see one or more or all of Richard Cheese's upcoming shows.  Save your ticket stubs to impress Richard with your dedication and ability to save ticket stubs.

4) After the show, introduce yourself to Richard, tell him you are interested in stalking him, and see if he's "cool" with it.  If he's not, please see rule #5.

5) "WIN A CHANCE TO STALK RICHARD CHEESE" contest is open only to super-hot "model quality" non-smoker female residents of the United States and/or a lush tropical Latin-American nation who are single, aged 18 to 27, heterosexual, disease-free, sober (when necessary), employed or independently-wealthy, busty, leggy, easy yet pure, AND NOT professional (nor amateur) psychotic stalkers.  English-speaking is optional but preferred, although exotic tropical dialects are welcome.

6) Although the word "STALK" is used in the contest name, at no time will activities associated with stalking be permitted, including but not limited to invasion of privacy, obsessive and fawning attention, threats of violence and/or suicide, breaking and entering, frequent and unwelcome telephone calls, unsubstantiated claims of pregnancy, bank fraud, mail theft, wiretapping, endangerment of relatives, appliance tampering, automobile sabotage, automobile tampering, appliance sabotage, murder, rape, arson, assault, and/or anything else scary, mean, dangerous, irreparable, illegal, or naughty.  Also, please don't stalk the band, either, thanks.

7) Nudity is permitted at all times, unless you are icky.  In fact, please email some of your own personal nudity to Richard now.

8) Although the contest winner is indeed required to have wild sex with Richard Cheese at his sole discretion, at no time does contestant have to carry, bear, or raise Richard Cheese's child(s).

9) This contest is a total joke, please do not stalk Richard Cheese.  However, please do have sex with Richard Cheese.  That's absolutely fine.

10) Employees of ideatown, Surfdog Records, Anheuser-Busch, and/or their immediate families, and Richard Cheese himself, may not stalk Richard Cheese.  However, employees of the pornography industry are encouraged to apply.

11) Void where prohibited, except the sex part.
 

Thank you, and please stalk safely.
 

 

COMING SOON:
"WIN A CHANCE TO
GIVE RICHARD CHEESE
ALL YOUR APPLIANCES"


 OCTOBER 2006 CONTEST:
 WIN A CHANCE TO GIVE BIRTH
TO RICHARD CHEESE'S
LUCKY 7/7/7 BABY!

Yes, July 7, 2007 is 7/7/7, the luckiest day of the century!

And, it can also be YOUR lucky day because
you might be
THE MOTHER OF RICHARD CHEESE'S BABY,
to be BORN ON 7/7/7! 

Don't miss this a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
for you and your uterus!


Here's how to enter:

1)  Get impregnated by Richard Cheese on October 14th, 2006.  (Conception date is based on a 28-day menstrual cycle.  Contestants must adjust their conception date based on their own cycle; Richard Cheese and his assignees are not responsible for miscalculated ovulations.)  If, due to high demand from other contestants, Richard Cheese is unavailable to have sex with you on October 14th, try to schedule him in for the day before or after.  In vitro fertilization will not be allowed; only numerous acts of sexual intercourse with Richard Cheese will be permitted.
 

2)  Carry the baby for approximately 9 months.  Make sure you don't smoke, drink, or do anything else you're not supposed to do, such as riding rollercoasters or dying your hair.  Expectant mothers are required to constantly play Richard Cheese CDs to the developing fetus during the entire pregnancy.  You may attend birthing classes at your discretion, but at no time is Richard Cheese required to attend the classes with you or sing the words "Breathe!" or "Push!" to you.
 

3)  Deliver the baby on July 7, 2007 in a Las Vegas hospital.  Richard Cheese may or may not be there at the birth, depending on how many other mothers/babies he has impregnated/fathered during this contest.  Baby can be boy or girl.  Please be sure to specify "innie" belly button.
 

4)  Name the baby one of the following:

5)  Raise the baby yourself.  Richard Cheese is not obligated to participate in the rearing of the baby, and will not be responsible for diaper changing, stuffed animal expenditures, assembly of swingsets, child support, college tuition, or teaching the kid how to drive.  However, if this lucky baby wins the lottery during its lifetime, Richard Cheese is entitled to half the money!

 

GOOD LUCK . . . AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
 


Additional Rules:  Contest is open to 18-year-old females, the hotter the better.  Contestants may be subjected to an extensive pre-interview and audition process, including but not limited to several "rehearsals" with Richard Cheese at his sole discretion.  Any difficulty or failure by Richard Cheese to inseminate contestants will not reflect poorly on Richard Cheese's virility.  Contestants may be asked to wait fifteen minutes or perform arousing monologues.  Unauthorized use of Richard Cheese's sperm is prohibited; only official Richard Cheese sperm, subject to verification by a panel of Swedish experts, may be used, while supplies last.  You may not claim that your baby is Richard Cheese's baby unless you have indeed been impregnated by Richard Cheese during the course of this contest (see Rule #6 of "Win A Chance To Stalk Richard Cheese" Contest below).   Judges, obstetricians, and pitboss decisions are final.  Late or early births WILL BE DISQUALIFIED.  If you have the baby on July 6 or July 8, sorry, tough luck, you can't win 'em all, gamete over.  For babies born on dates other than 7/7/7, Richard Cheese should be referred to only as "Uncle Richard."   Immaculate conceptions will be considered on a case-by-case basis.  No purchase necessary.  Based on Richard Cheese's published sperm count and projected stamina, only 1,216 potential mothers may enter the contest.  Entry deadline is October 14, 2006, but additional entries may occur repeatedly.  No refunds, exchanges, or returns.
 

REMEMBER,
YOU GOTTA BE
IN IT TO WIN IT!
 

THE RICHARD CHEESE
"SILENT NIGHTCLUB"
HOME-MADE VIDEO CONTEST
 ENTRY DEADLINE WAS DECEMBER 4, 2006.

Congratulations to our big Richard Cheese Home-Made Video Contest winner, Alex O. of Tyne-And-Wear, England!  Alex's zany CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS video (linked below) won him $500 cash plus RC's Original Tiger-Striped Tuxedo Jacket!  We'd also like to thank our 20+ runners-up listed below, who each won a 5-pack of Richard Cheese CDs!  Thanks to everyone who entered, we appreciate your time, talent, and support!

 [ some links may not work ]

Alex O. of Tyne-And-Wear, England (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSIAFlJca80

Alasdair S. of Glasgow, Scotland (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1511772993 

Alisha B. of Port St. Lucie, Florida (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=15

Anthony T. of Alberta, Canada (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_dF-gZ80AU

Bruce S. of Noblesville, Indiana (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoID=1514968937

Carlton K. of Chesterfield, Virginia (SILENT NIGHT)
http://www.spiderbitestudios.net/filehost/SilentNightVideo_CarltonKotalo.wmv

Daniel S. of Ithaca, New York (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MWUFA-j_mCs

David L. of St Aurora, Colorado (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://www.myspace.com/dave_ff

David M. of Waverly, Iowa (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHV1f41JyT4

Derek B. of Las Cruces, New Mexico (JINGLE BELLS)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOlim-QUIRE

Elizabeth Allen of Antioch, California (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://www.ifilm.com/video/2802775

Evangelos M. of Denmark (JINGLE BELLS)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty4wFaeIaM4

Jadon H. of Boise, Idaho (SILENT NIGHT)
http://ckminus.googlepages.com/richardcheesesilentnight.WMV 

Jeff T. of Buena Park, California (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSzvNG0JrXg

James A. of Las Vegas, Nevada (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1513369265

Joel H. of St. Paul, Minnesota (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://s30.photobucket.com/albums/c325/Punkjazz021/?action=view&current=jinglebells_0001.flv

Keith M. of Amarillo, Texas (SILENT NIGHT)
http://s85.photobucket.com/albums/k68/Amarillo_Fat/?action=view&current=dickvideo_0001.flv

Larry C. of Mt. Pleasant, Michigan (JINGLE BELLS)
http://www.yourfilehost.com/media.php?cat=video&file=richardcheese.wmv

Mackenzie B. of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://www.dailymotion.com/MsDanRadcliffe/video/xqu6x_christmas-in-las-vegas

Marcus T. of Malmo, Sweden (JINGLE BELLS)
http://henkee.se/ubbe/Marcus_Tegle_RC_Christmas_Entry.wmv

Nick A. of La Verne, California (CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS)
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1513523778

Scott Litwiler of Hainesville, Illinois (JINGLE BELLS)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_C9CZO0aBhc

Simon G. of Oak View, California (SILENT NIGHT)
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoID=1519842272

DJ MacIntosh of Winchester, Virginia (SILENT NIGHT)
http://www.whimsplucky.com/myspace/cheesesilentnight.wmv

 [ some links may not work ]

Entry deadline was December 4, 2006.  Judges decisions are final.  To see the original contest rules, visit http://www.richardcheese.com/rc-videocontest.html
We are not responsible for broken links, technical difficulties, or video content.  These video links and this page may be removed at anytime.  The contest is over, dude!