shop.richardcheese.com - main store page

welcome to shop.richardcheese.com

HUGE DICK SALE!

CDs, Posters, T-Shirts, Tanktops, Thongs, 8x10s, Ties, and Autographed Gifts!

START SHOPPING BELOW!
Richard Cheese has released 9 fabulous CDs since 2000, including his his all-new CD "OK BARTENDER"
and his 2009 live CD "VIVA LA VODKA: RICHARD CHEESE LIVE," available here at shop.richardcheese.com!
Richard Cheese is releasing 4 more all-new albums in 2010/2011/2012,
including the all-new CD from JOHNNY ALOHA: LAVAPALOOZA
(order it now at www.johnnyaloha.com ).

CAN'T DECIDE? BUY A RICHARDCHEESE.COM GIFT CERTIFICATE!

IF YOU ARE A NON-U.S. or APO/FPO CUSTOMER:
MAKE SURE YOU GO PAY THE EXTRA NON-U.S. SHIPPING FEE BEFORE YOU
CONTINUE SHOPPING. CLICK HERE.

IMPORTANT CUSTOMER INFO:

Orders placed today will ship via US Postal Service no later than

September 14.

WRITE DOWN THAT DATE!
For U.S. delivery, please allow 6 to 10 days from that date.
Want your order faster? Priority Mail service is available below.

WHERE IS YOUR ORDER?
read customer service info at bottom of page

WARNING: MANY RICHARD CHEESE SONGS
CONTAIN UNCENSORED EXPLICIT CONTENT.

CENSORED "FAMILY FRIENDLY" VERSIONS OF
RICHARD CHEESE CDs ARE AVAILABLE ON ITUNES.

"OK BARTENDER" CD

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

click for details

"Buy my new CD!"
-- Richard Cheese

(RELEASED MARCH 23, 2010)
ALL-NEW RICHARD CHEESE ALBUM!
14 NEW SONGS!

THIS CD ALSO AVAILABLE IN 5-PACK,
9-PACK, AND STARTER KIT BELOW!

Richard Cheese presents OK BARTENDER, an all-new CD of 14 swankified songs for your lounging enjoyment. Listen as America's loudest lounge singer croons your favorite rock, rap, and pop hits in that swingin' big band style. This is RC's first all-new studio album in 3 years, and the cheddar is better than ever!

The album features guest jazz guitarist John Pizzarelli, a duet with Lt. Sulu from Star Trek, a live performance from Las Vegas, a gospel choir, and a special sound effects demonstration with Lounge Against The Machine drummer Frank Feta! The CD also includes drunken voicemail messages from Richard Cheese fans!

Order on iTunes NOW at this link:
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPreorder?id=348413701&s=143441

OK BARTENDER CD
$9.99
[ $3.23 S&H ]

GET YOUR CD AUTOGRAPHED BY RICHARD CHEESE!
SEE BELOW

OK BARTENDER
(MARCH 23, 2010)
TRACK LIST

01 SUPERSONIC
02 AIRBAG
03 FAN MESSAGE #1
04 STRONGER*
05 BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
06 FAN MESSAGE #2
07 JUST DANCE [LIVE]
08 DIE MF DIE*
09 FAN MESSAGE #3
10 MY NECK, MY BACK*
11 FAN MESSAGE #4*
12 SMACK THAT
13 POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME
14 LIGHT MY FIRE
15 FAN MESSAGE #5*
16 SEE YOU AGAIN
17 YOU'RE THE INSPIRATION
18 FREEBIRD*
19 PERFECT SITUATION
20 FAN MESSAGE #6*

*explicit content

AVAILABLE NOW
ON ITUNES!

DIGITAL (ITUNES)
VERSION MAY HAVE
DIFFERENT TRACK LISTING.
CELEBRITY VOICES
IMPERSONATED.

"LAVAPALOOZA" CD

ARRIVING
2010

"Aloha!"
-- Johnny Aloha

(ARRIVING SUMMER 2010)
RICHARD CHEESE PRESENTS
"JOHNNY ALOHA: LAVAPALOOZA"
ALL-NEW TIKI MUSIC CD!

Richard Cheese presents "JOHNNY ALOHA: LAVAPALOOZA", featuring
Hawaiian Tiki Music versions of Rock and Rap Songs.

LISTEN TO THE ALBUM! CLICK HERE

This CD will be released in November 2010.

Order CD Now at
http://www.johnnyaloha.com !

The "Lavapalooza" CD will be automatically sent to existing members of
the Richard Cheese Super Fan Fun Club!

RICHARD CHEESE PRESENTS
JOHNNY ALOHA: LAVAPALOOZA
TIKI-STYLE HAWAIIAN MUSIC VERSIONS OF ROCK & RAP HITS

Waikiki's lazy laid-back lounge singer Johnny Aloha performs tiki-style Hawaiian music versions of popular rock and rap songs. Imagine Don Ho singing Weezer and you've got the picture.

His debut CD, "LAVAPALOOZA," which was produced by Vegas lounge legend Richard Cheese, will be released on Coverage Records in October 2010. The CD cover artwork was done by SHAG, and exclusive prints will be available from www.johnnyaloha.com in November. The album includes tiki/exotica/Hawaiian music arrangements of hits like "Paradise City," "Cruel Summer," "Gangsta's Paradise," "Island In The Sun," "Thong Song," "Pocketful Of Sunshine," and "Last Resort."

"I discovered Johnny Aloha in Honolulu, he was performing in a resort cocktail bar," says producer Richard Cheese. "He's a great singer. In fact, he is so good, he sounds a lot like me."

From his headlining gigs at Honolulu hotels to his surprise performances at Tiki Bars around the world, Johnny Aloha has become famous for his casual crooning, his stylish Hawaiian shirts, and his perpetual pursuit of the perfect pina colada.

"LAVAPALOOZA"

"LAVAPALOOZA" CD TRACK LIST
	01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15		VACATION (originally by The Go-Go's) CALIFORNIA GURLS (originally by Katy Perry) PARADISE CITY (originally by Guns 'N' Roses) STEWARDESS ANNOUNCEMENT (enjoy your flight!) GANGSTA'S PARADISE (originally by Coolio) LAST RESORT (originally by Papa Roach) ROCK LOBSTER (originally by The B-52's) CLINT EASTWOOD (featuring Taimane Gardner) (originally by Gorillaz) DRINK TO HAWAII (original song by Johnny Aloha) THONG SONG (featuring the birds of the Lavapalooza Tiki Room) (originally by Cisqo) CRUEL SUMMER (originally by Bananarama) POCKETFUL OF SUNSHINE (originally by Natasha Bedingfield) ALMOST PARADISE (starring Slipknot's Corey Taylor & Richard Cheese) (originally by Loverboy) SUMMERTIME (featuring Olena Heu) (originally by Will Smith) ISLAND IN THE SUN (originally by Weezer)

JOHNNY ALOHA
ARTIST: JOHNNY ALOHA
ALBUM: LAVAPALOOZA
LABEL: COVERAGE RECORDS
WEBSITE: JOHNNYALOHA.COM
CATALOG NUMBER: IDTCR15JL
UPC BARCODE: 6-03111-91632-3
RELEASE DATE: NOVEMBER 2010
(C) (P) 2010 Coverage Records. Unauthorized duplication is a violation of applicable laws.
Johnny Aloha is a registered U.S. trademark. All rights reserved.

LISTEN TO THE ALBUM! CLICK HERE

LAVAPALOOZA
(OCTOBER 2010)
SEE TRACK LIST BELOW

DIGITAL (ITUNES)
VERSIONS MAY HAVE
DIFFERENT TRACK LISTINGS.

"VIVA LA VODKA" CD

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

click for details

"Genius!"
-- Director Zack Snyder

(2009)
RICHARD CHEESE LIVE!
NEW LIVE ALBUM!

Richard Cheese presents a collection of all-new live performances from 2000-2008, including songs recorded live in Washington D.C., Las Vegas, New Orleans, Chicago, and Hollywood. Enjoy the "live" Lounge Against The Machine experience on this extra long album, as Dick introduces each tune, interacts with the audience, and even orders a cocktail from the bar right in the middle of a song. The album also includes highlights from RC radio interviews, and a "studio" recording of Coldplay's song "Viva La Vida" with Dick playing the piano himself!

VIVA LA VODKA CD
SALE!
ONLY $6.99
[ $3.73 S&H ]

GET YOUR CD AUTOGRAPHED BY RICHARD CHEESE!
SEE BELOW

VIVA LA VODKA (JUNE 2009)
TRACK LIST
01 SMELLS LIKE TEEN
                      SPIRIT (LIVE)
02 BRASS MONKEY (LIVE)
03 CRAZY BITCH (LIVE)
04 ME SO HORNY (LIVE)
05 THREE'S COMPANY (LIVE)
06 LOLLIPOP (LIVE)
07 DONTCHA (LIVE)
08 TOXIC (LIVE)
09 YOU SHOOK ME ALL
                                NIGHT LONG (LIVE)
10 AIRBAG (LIVE)
11 [DELETED]
12 WKRP IN CINCINNATI (LIVE)
13 RC ON THE AIR
14 VIVA LAS VEGAS (LIVE)
15 VIVA LA VIDA (studio session)
16 CINCO DOLARES (LIVE)
                 [iTunes bonus track]

ALSO AVAILABLE ON
ITUNES (CLICK HERE)

"DICK AT NITE" CD

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

click for details

"Groovy!"
-- Marcia Brady

(2007)
YOUR FAVORITE TV THEME SONGS LOUNGIFIED!
ALL SONGS ARE RATED G

Richard Cheese croons classic TV tunes! Yes, America's loudest lounge singer touches that dial and swankifies some of television's most popular theme songs. The "Dick At Nite" CD features 13 jazzy TV Themes, and the iTunes version of the "Dick At Nite" album has 16 tracks, including 3 extra songs!

AVAILABLE AS PART OF
CD FIVE-PACK (5 CDs)
TUXICITY + I'D LIKE A VIRGIN + DICK AT NITE
VIVA LA VODKA + OK BARTENDER

ALL FIVE CDs TOGETHER:
$17.99
[ $4.97 S&H ]

DICK AT NITE
(OCTOBER 2007)
TRACK LIST
01 SOUTH PARK THEME
02 THREE'S COMPANY
03 SPIDER-MAN
04 THE BRADY BUNCH
05 SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS
06 FRIENDS
07 DARTH VADER'S THEME
08 GOOD TIMES
09 GILLIGAN'S ISLAND
10 BONANZA
11 COMMERCIAL BREAK
12 THE JEFFERSONS
13 WKRP IN CINCINNATI
bonus tracks (iTunes only):
14 AMERICAN IDOL THEME
15 AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE
16 SCOOBY-DOO

Also available:
Music-only instrumental
tracks of 12 "Dick At
Nite" songs!
Just search iTunes for
"Richard Cheese."

"SILENT NIGHTCLUB" CD

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

click for details

"It swings like
Santa's BALLS!!"
-- Will Lee and the
CBS Orchestra

(2006)
DICK THE HALLS WITH RC'S SNAPPY CHRISTMAS ALBUM!
ALL SONGS ARE RATED PG

This album features 14 fabulous seasonal songs, including Richard Cheese's original holiday hit "Christmas In Las Vegas." Don't miss Dick's yuletide takes on songs HE THINKS are about the holidays, like Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus," Madonna's "Like A Virgin," Rush's "The Trees," and Beyonce's "Naughty Girl." It's fun for the whole family...maybe.

SILENT NIGHTCLUB CD
$9.95
[ $4.23 S&H ]
THIS CD IS SOLD OUT UNTIL NOVEMBER!
[BUT YOU CAN BUY THIS
CD AS PART OF 9-PACK]

GET YOUR CD AUTOGRAPHED BY RICHARD CHEESE!
SEE BELOW

SILENT NIGHTCLUB
(OCTOBER 2006)
TRACK LIST
01 HOLIDAY IN CAMBODIA (2006
                                VERSION)
02 LIKE A VIRGIN
03 CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS
                                (ORIGINAL)
04 JINGLE BELLS
05 ICE ICE BABY
06 DO THEY KNOW IT'S
                                CHRISTMAS
07 PERSONAL JESUS (2006
                                VERSION)
08 IMAGINE
09 LAST XMAS
10 NAUGHTY GIRL
11 CHRISTMASTIME IS HERE
12 THE TREES
13 I MELT WITH YOU
14 SILENT NIGHT
bonus track (iTunes only):
15 HOLIDAE IN*

"THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE MOON: THE BEST OF RICHARD CHEESE" CD

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

click for details

"This guy may be
the best lounge
singer ever…
or at least the
best dressed."
-- Desert Living Magazine

(2006)
GREATEST HITS ALBUM
10 NEW TRACKS + 8 CLASSICS = THE BEST OF RC!

This greatest hits collection includes 4 all-new tracks, 8 classic favorites, plus 6 newly re-recorded big band versions of RC's earliest songs, now better than ever. This is the perfect introductory CD to expose your friends to Dick!

SUNNY SIDE OF THE MOON CD
$9.95
[ $4.23 S&H ]

GET YOUR CD AUTOGRAPHED BY RICHARD CHEESE!
SEE BELOW

SUNNY SIDE OF THE MOON
(FEBRUARY 2006)
TRACK LIST
01 RAPE ME* (2006 VERSION)
02 PEOPLE EQUALS SHIT*
03 BABY GOT BACK
04 GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS
05 CLOSER* (2006)
06 BUST A MOVE NEW!
07 DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS*
08 SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY
09 FREAK ON A LEASH* NEW!
10 NOOKIE* (2006)
11 ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL NEW!
12 ROCK THE CASBAH
13 FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT (2006)
14 HOT FOR TEACHER
15 GIN AND JUICE* (2006 REMIX)
16 COME OUT AND PLAY (2006)
17 BADD* NEW!
18 CREEP* (2006 VERSION)

"APERITIF FOR DESTRUCTION" CD

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

click for details

"It's GREAT!"
-- Patton Oswalt,
Comedian

(2005)
DICK SERVES UP 16 INTUXICATING SONGS!

This critically-acclaimed album features 15 all-new songs, including a special duet with a surprise celebrity guest!

NOTE
^‡THE STUDIO RECORDING VERSION OF THE SONG "ME SO HORNY" IS NOT AVAILABLE ON THIS CD. A new LIVE version of "ME SO HORNY" is available on the new "VIVA LA VODKA" CD, above.

APERITIF FOR DESTRUCTION CD
$9.95
[ $4.23 S&H ]

GET YOUR CD AUTOGRAPHED BY RICHARD CHEESE!
SEE BELOW

APERITIF FOR DESTRUCTION
(MAY 2005)
TRACK LIST
01 [REMOVED]
02 PEOPLE EQUALS SHIT*
03 WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE
04 BRASS MONKEY
05 LET'S GET IT STARTED*
06 MAN IN THE BOX*
07 BEEN CAUGHT STEALING
08 THE GIRL IS MINE
09 YOU OUGHTA KNOW*
10 ENTER SANDMAN
11 SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY
12 WE ARE THE WORLD
13 DO ME*
14 AMERICAN IDIOT*
15 ADD IT UP*
16 SOMEBODY TOLD ME

"I'D LIKE A VIRGIN" CD

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

click for details

"The most ironic
tribute act on
the planet."
-- Los Angeles Times

(2004)
LOUNGIFIED LOVE SONGS FROM THE 80's, 90's AND TODAY!

With 22 tracks, this is the longest Dick there is! Don't miss the exclusive "live" tracks, plus a rare "secret" audio track only available on CDs purchased from this website (this secret audio is not available on iTunes!).

AVAILABLE AS PART OF
CD FIVE-PACK (5 CDs)
TUXICITY + I'D LIKE A VIRGIN + DICK AT NITE
VIVA LA VODKA + OK BARTENDER

ALL FIVE CDs TOGETHER:
$17.99
[ $4.97 S&H ]

I'D LIKE A VIRGIN
(APRIL 2004)
TRACK LIST
01 GIN & JUICE* (2004)
02 YELLOW
03 GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS
04 ARE YOU GONNA BE MY GIRL?
05 A MESSAGE FROM DICK CLARK
06 BUTTERFLY
07 HEY YA
08 BEAT IT
09 MILKSHAKE
10 DICK IN LAS VEGAS* (LIVE)
11 PERSONAL JESUS (2004)
12 MATERIAL GIRL
13 RC ON NBC'S LAST CALL
14 WAR ENSEMBLE
15 STAND UP*
16 A SONG REQUEST* (LIVE)
17 FEELING THIS*
18 99 LUFTBALLONS*
19 ROCK THE CASBAH
20 LONGVIEW*
21 SECRET TRACK / PUSSY*
22 HIDDEN TRACK (CD ONLY)

"TUXICITY" CD

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

click for details

"Although we
have mixed
feelings about
this kind of shit,
we couldn't help
but be amused."
-- Revolver Magazine

(2002)
GET DOWN WITH THE DICKNESS ON THIS SWINGIN' ALBUM!

Richard Cheese debuted his live band on this swanktacular 18-song CD, which also includes a special tribute to Britney Spears! This album also features secret sound clips between tracks...can you identify the celebrity voices?

AVAILABLE AS PART OF
CD FIVE-PACK (5 CDs)
TUXICITY + I'D LIKE A VIRGIN + DICK AT NITE
VIVA LA VODKA + OK BARTENDER

ALL FIVE CDs TOGETHER:
$17.99
[ $4.97 S&H ]

TUXICITY
(OCTOBER 2002)
TRACK LIST
01 SHE HATES ME*
02 FELL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL
03 BABY GOT BACK
04 (DOWN WITH) THE SICKNESS*
05 HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO
06 INSANE IN THE BRAIN*
07 RELAX
08 SHAKE YA ASS*
09 HOT FOR TEACHER
10 ONE STEP CLOSER
11 LIVE IN THE LOUNGE (NYC)
12 SMOKE TWO JOINTS
13 CHOP SUEY*
14 LOSER
15 MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN*
16 I USED TO LOVE HER
17 (YOU DRIVE ME) CRAZY*
18 BUDDY HOLLY

"LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE" CD

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

click for details

"This is great!"
-- Bono, U2

(2000)
16 ALTERNATIVE STANDARDS!

Richard Cheese's debut album includes the original "early" versions of some of your favorite Richard Cheese songs, which were later re-recorded with a real live big band for Dick's 2006 CD "THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE MOON: THE BEST OF RICHARD CHEESE" (on sale above).

LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE CD
$9.99
[ $4.23 S&H ]

GET YOUR CD AUTOGRAPHED BY RICHARD CHEESE!
SEE BELOW

LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
(OCTOBER 2000)
TRACK LIST
01 NOOKIE (2000 VERSION)
                        / BREAK STUFF*
02 GUERILLA RADIO*
03 COME OUT AND PLAY (2000
                       VERSION)
04 CLOSER* (2000 VERSION)
05 WRONG WAY*
06 BULLET THE BLUE SKY
07 CREEP* (2000 VERSION)
08 LAST RESORT*
09 RAPE ME* (2000 VERSION)
10 WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN*
11 SMACK MY BITCH UP
12 FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT (2000
                       VERSION)
13 ONLY HAPPY WHEN IT RAINS
14 SUCK MY KISS*
15 HOLIDAY IN CAMBODIA (2000
                      VERSION)
16 THE ROCKAFELLER SKANK

GET YOUR CD AUTOGRAPHED BY RICHARD CHEESE!

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

autographed by RC!
signed by Dick!

A PERSONALIZED SIGNED CD
FROM
RICHARD CHEESE
TO YOU!

Buy any one of Richard Cheese's eight CDs and Richard will personally autograph it to you or to someone on your gift list! Sometimes he uses a silver Sharpie!

PUT A CD IN YOUR SHOPPING CART, THEN ADD THIS:
AUTOGRAPH ADD-ON
$4.00
[ this item will be charged in your
shopping cart as $0.01 plus $3.99 S&H ]

ENTER NAME FOR AUTOGRAPH HERE:
[ if you bought multiple CDs, then
indicate which CD gets signed.
for example: SSOTM - Steve ]

(keep it short, first name only, no messages!)

QUANTITY MUST REMAIN "1". FOR
ADDITIONAL CDs, YOU MUST BUY
ADDITIONAL AUTOGRAPHS
SEPARATELY.

AUTOGRAPHED CDs
- Please allow extra time
for delivery, especially
when Richard Cheese
is on tour.
- Be sure to provide the
correct name spelling..
- Keep it short, first name
only, no messages.

RICHARD CHEESE STARTER KIT

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

7 CDs, 1 SHIRT, 2 STICKERS, and a CARDBOARD BOX!

IT'S ALL THE DICK YOU NEED!

The perfect way to begin your Richard Cheese collection, this starter kit includes 12 swingin' items: nine Richard Cheese CDs, a shirt of your choice, two stickers, plus a handsome cardboard box! And, your order will be sent via U.S. Priority Mail if you're in the U.S.!

RICHARD CHEESE STARTER KIT
$55.00
[ $11.22 priority S&H ]

SELECT SHIRT

Enter your phone number:

STARTER KIT INCLUDES:
LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE CD
TUXICITY CD
I'D LIKE A VIRGIN CD
APERITIF FOR DESTRUCTION CD
SUNNY SIDE OF THE MOON CD
SILENT NIGHTCLUB CD
DICK AT NITE CD
VIVA LA VODKA CD
OK BARTENDER CD
2 VEGAS STICKERS
SHIRT/TANKTOP (your choice)
CARDBOARD BOX*

PLUS:

priority shipping
(U.S. customers only)

NOTE
Autographed items not
available with this offer.
No substitutions.

*or an envelope.

RICHARD CHEESE CD 9-PACK

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

9 CDs
ALL 9 RICHARD CHEESE CDs FOR 1 LOW PRICE, ONLY $48!

Start your Richard Cheese music collection with nine of his swanky CDs, sent to you via U.S. Priority Mail if you're in the U.S.! Buying each CD separately would cost you more than $80! YOU SAVE BIG!

CD 9-PACK (9 CDs)
$43.99
[ $9.56 priority S&H ]

ALSO: YOU CAN GET 9 DICK AT NITE, TUXICITY, I'D LIKE A VIRGIN, or
VIVA LA VODKA CDs for CHEAP! SEE CRAZY SALE BELOW!

CD 9-PACK INCLUDES:
LOUNGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
TUXICITY
I'D LIKE A VIRGIN
APERITIF FOR DESTRUCTION
SUNNY SIDE OF THE MOON
SILENT NIGHTCLUB
DICK AT NITE
VIVA LA VODKA
OK BARTENDER

NOTE
Autographed items not
available with this offer.
No substitutions.

priority shipping
(U.S. customers only)

RICHARD CHEESE CD FIVE-PACK

CLICK HERE FOR
CD TRACK LISTS!

RICHARD CHEESE CD FIVE-PACK
FIVE CDs FOR ONE LOW PRICE!

Complete your collection of Cheese with these five fabulous CDs! You'll get Richard Cheese's "Tuxicity," "I'd Like A Virgin," "Dick At Nite," "Viva La Vodka: Richard Cheese Live," and "OK Bartender" albums, all for one incredibly low price!

CD FIVE-PACK (5 CDs)
TUXICITY + I'D LIKE A VIRGIN + DICK AT NITE
VIVA LA VODKA + OK BARTENDER

ALL FIVE CDs TOGETHER:
$17.99
[ $4.97 S&H ]

CD TRIPLE-PACK
CONTENTS:
TUXICITY CD
I'D LIKE A VIRGIN CD
DICK AT NITE CD
VIVA LA VODKA CD
OK BARTENDER CD

No substitutions.

RICHARD CHEESE GIRLS "VEGAS" T-SHIRTS

LIMITED EDITION!

"WELCOME TO FABULOUS RICHARD CHEESE" GIRLS SHIRTS!

"WELCOME TO FABULOUS RICHARD CHEESE"
GIRLS COMPRESSED T-SHIRTS
PACKAGED IN 2 DIFFERENT FUN SHAPES!

Inspired by the famous "Welcome To Fabulous Las Vegas" sign, these "Welcome To Fabulous Richard Cheese" T-Shirts are the ultimate in casino couture! And, each shirt is packaged in a fun compressed shape! Fun!

YOUTH GIRLS SHIRTS:
"OLIVE" SHAPE = Girls size S $5.49 - ONLY 6 LEFT!
"CASINO CHIP" SHAPE = Girls size M $5.49 - ONLY 20 LEFT!

GIRLS FABULOUS VEGAS T-SHIRT
$5.49
[ $3.37 S&H ]

SELECT SIZE

RICHARD CHEESE
"VEGAS" SHIRTS
- made in the u.s.a.
- all shirts 100% cotton
- shirts arrive compressed in
package; just machine wash
before wearing!
- screenprint on black shirt
SO BLACK, GEORGE W.
BUSH DOESN'T CARE
ABOUT THESE T-SHIRTS!

(GIRLS SHIRTS are for
youth girls, not ladies.
we do not have these
shirts for adult ladies.
see tanktops below.)

RICHARD CHEESE "MARTINI HERO" T-SHIRTS

LIMITED EDITION!

"MARTINI HERO" T-SHIRT!

"MARTINI HERO" MEN'S T-SHIRT
NEW 2009 DESIGN!

Impress your friends with this T-Shirt commemorating Richard Cheese's 2009 Concert Tour, featuring this unique MARTINI HERO logo designed by RC himself!

MENS SIZES:
Mens size M $10.99 - SOLDOUT
Mens size L $10.99 - SOLDOUT
Mens size XL $10.99 - SOLDOUT
Mens size XXL $10.99 - SOLDOUT
(sorry, we don't have anything bigger)

MEN'S MARTINI HERO T-SHIRT
$10.99
[ $4.17 S&H ]

SELECT SIZE

RICHARD CHEESE
"MARTINI HERO" SHIRTS
- made in the u.s.a.
- all shirts 100% cotton
- screenprint white on black shirt
SO BLACK, GEORGE W. BUSH
DOESN'T CARE ABOUT
THESE T-SHIRTS!

RICHARD CHEESE "I ♥ DICK" TANKTOPS

click to enlarge

"I ♥ DICK" LADIES TANKTOPS
FOR CHICKS WHO LOVE DICK!

These popular "I Love Dick" tanktops will show the world just how much support you have for Richard Cheese. Make a statement with your rack!

LADIES SIZES:
Ladies size S $6.99
Ladies size M $6.99
Ladies size L $6.99
Ladies size XL $6.99

LADIES I LOVE DICK TANKTOPS
$6.99
[ $3.37 S&H ]

- made in the u.s.a.
- fine quality tanktop shirt
- pink on black
- superhot girl not included
- model: Carlotta

NOTE
NO RETURNS, EXCHANGES,
OR REFUNDS ON CLOTHING.

RICHARD CHEESE "I ♥ DICK" THONGS

click to enlarge

click to enlarge

bonus picture!

click to enlarge
if you aren't already

"I ♥ DICK" LADIES THONGS
FOR CHICKS WHO *REALLY* LOVE DICK!

Show someone you love just how much you love Richard Cheese with one of these naughty "I Love Dick" thongs! Your vagina will thank you!

LADIES SIZES:
Ladies size 1 $6.99
Ladies size 2 $6.99
Ladies size 3 $6.99

LADIES COLORS:
Black thong with pink lettering - all sizes
Pink thong with black lettering - SOLD OUT

LADIES I LOVE DICK THONGS
$6.99
[ $3.27 S&H ]

- made in the u.s.a.
- american apparel "classic girl"
- 100% cotton
- sizes 1, 2, or 3
- superhot girl not included
- model: Carlotta

NOTE
NO RETURNS, EXCHANGES,
OR REFUNDS ON CLOTHING.

bonus picture!

click to enlarge
(if you aren't already)
- model: Penny Candy

RICHARD CHEESE BABY SHIRTS

click to enlarge

"MY MOMMY ♥ DICK" BABY SHIRTS
SHOW EVERYONE THAT CHEESE RUNS IN THE FAMILY!

Everyone at your next playdate will be drooling over these adorable "My Mommy Loves Dick" baby shirts! Perfect for church!

BABY SIZES:
Baby size 12month (small)
Baby size 24month (medium)

BABY T-SHIRT
$6.99
[ $3.17 S&H ]

- made in the u.s.a.
- for girls and boys
- white logo on black shirt
- supercute baby not included

NOTE
NO RETURNS, EXCHANGES,
OR REFUNDS ON CLOTHING.

baby model:
Milo

RICHARD CHEESE "OFFICIAL" TIGER-STRIPED TIES

TIGER-STRIPED TIE!
click to enlarge

TIGER-STRIPED TIES
SWING AROUND THE COLLAR!

These EXCLUSIVE limited edition custom hand-made neckties feature unique prints based on patterns from Richard Cheese's personal tuxedos. Just like the ones Bobby, Frank, and the rest of the cats wear on stage! Tie one on!

TIGER-STRIPED TIE
$15.49
[ $3.47 S&H ]

- made in the u.s.a.
- snazzy!
- jazzy!
- dry clean only!
- one size fits all
- tie pattern/fabric may vary

NOTE
NO RETURNS, EXCHANGES,
OR REFUNDS ON CLOTHING.

RICHARD CHEESE POSTERS

LIMITED EDITION!

click to enlarge

3 POSTERS FOR ONE LOW PRICE!
ALL 3 FOR $19.49!
COVER YOUR WALLS WITH CHEESE!

Make your rec room swing with these three fabulous Richard Cheese posters. Plus, each poster can be personally signed by RC to YOU! These fine quality posters are limited edition; once they're gone, they're gone forever! Unless we re-print them!

POSTER DESIGNS:

Blue/Microphone "Tomorrow's Standards Today"
4-color, screenprinted on thick paper, 13" x 20"

Red/Anaheim House Of Blues "New Year's Eve"
full color, photo print on glossy paper 11" x 18"

Black/WashingtonDC Club930 "30th Anniversary"
full color, photo print on glossy paper 11" x 18"

BUY ALL THREE POSTERS FOR $19.49!
ALL THREE AUTOGRAPHED
FOR JUST $5 MORE!

THREE POSTERS
$19.49
-or-
THREE AUTOGRAPHED POSTERS
$24.49
[ $4.27 S&H ]

CHOOSE POSTER STYLE

$24.49 OPTION ONLY :
ENTER NAME FOR AUTOGRAPH

(ONE NAME ONLY. RICHARD
CHEESE WILL AUTOGRAPH ALL 3
POSTERS TO THE SAME NAME)

POSTERS
- shipped ROLLED in a TUBE
- suitable for framing
- printed in U.S.A.
- limited edition
- posters shipped separately
from other items

RICHARD CHEESE 8x10 PHOTOS

LIMITED EDITION!

click to enlarge

SOME LUCKY FANS
CHOSEN AT
RANDOM
WILL ALSO
RECEIVE
A FREE
"SUBWAY"
8X10 PHOTO!

click to enlarge

8x10 PHOTOS
PERSONALLY AUTOGRAPHED TO YOU!

Show the world that you're Down with the Dickness with these limited edition 8x10 pictures of Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine, personally signed by RC to you or your loved one!

THIS MONTH'S 8x10 PHOTO:
Red Tuxedo!

RICHARD CHEESE 8X10 PHOTO
INCLUDES FREE AUTOGRAPH
$3.95
[ $1.67 S&H ]

ENTER NAME FOR AUTOGRAPH HERE:

(keep it short, first name only, no messages!)

8x10 PHOTO
- full-color 8"x10" picture
- suitable for framing
- FREE autograph

RICHARD CHEESE AUTOGRAPHED LYRIC SHEETS!

LIMITED EDITION!

"Chop Suey"

"She Hates Me"
[already sold]

ORIGINAL RECORDING STUDIO LYRIC SHEETS
ACTUAL ORIGINAL ONE-OF-A-KIND LYRIC SHEETS
USED BY RICHARD CHEESE DURING RECORDING SESSIONS!

These are the ORIGINAL lyric sheets used by Richard Cheese during recording sessions for his albums. Each sheet includes hand-written notes made by RC himself while he was singing the songs for his CDs.

We guarantee that every lyric sheet is authentic, one-of-a-kind, and will never be available for sale at this website again. Plus, Richard Cheese will personally autograph the page for you.

Don't miss your chance to own a piece of Cheese History!

RICHARD CHEESE LYRIC SHEET
INCLUDES FREE AUTOGRAPH
$39
[ $3.87 S&H ]

ENTER SONG TITLE
(FROM LIST BELOW)

ENTER NAME FOR AUTOGRAPH HERE:

(keep it short, first name only, no messages!)

AVAILABLE LYRIC SHEETS:

CHOOSE YOUR FAVORITE SONG!

from the album
"LOUNGE AGAINST
THE MACHINE"

GUERILLA RADIO *
COME OUT AND PLAY
WRONG WAY *
BULLET THE BLUE SKY
FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT
ONLY HAPPY WHEN IT RAINS
LAST RESORT *
WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN *
~~NOOKIE / BREAK STUFF~~
CLOSER
SMACK MY BITCH UP
CREEP ● ~~RAPE ME~~
~~SUCK MY KISS~~
~~HOLIDAY IN CAMBODIA~~
~~ROCKAFELLER SKANK~~

from the album
"TUXICITY"

FELL IN LOVE WITH A GIRL
HATE TO SAY I
     TOLD YOU SO
ONE STEP CLOSER
CHOP SUEY *
MORE HUMAN
        THAN HUMAN *
USED TO LOVE HER *
BUDDY HOLLY
(~~YOU DRIVE ME~~) CRAZY
LOSER    ● ~~RELAX~~
~~SHE HATES ME~~
~~SMOKE TWO JOINTS~~
~~BABY GOT BACK~~
~~THE SICKNESS~~
~~INSANE IN THE BRAIN~~
~~SHAKE YA ASS~~
~~HOT FOR TEACHER~~

from the album
"I'D LIKE A VIRGIN"

BUTTERFLY
YELLOW
MILKSHAKE
MATERIAL GIRL
WAR ENSEMBLE
STAND UP *
FEELING THIS *
LONGVIEW *
ARE YOU GONNA BE
    MY GIRL?
~~99 LUFTBALLONS~~
~~ROCK THE CASBAH~~
~~GIN & JUICE~~ ● ~~HEY YA~~
~~GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS~~
~~BEAT IT~~ ● ~~PUSSY~~
~~PERSONAL JESUS~~

from the album
"APERITIF FOR DESTRUCTION"

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE
LET'S GET IT STARTED *
MAN IN THE BOX *
THE GIRL IS MINE
YOU OUGHTA KNOW
ENTER SANDMAN
WE ARE THE WORLD
DO ME *
AMERICAN IDIOT *
SOMEBODY TOLD ME
~~ME SO HORNY~~
~~PEOPLE EQUAL SHIT~~
~~BRASS MONKEY~~
~~BEEN CAUGHT STEALING~~
ADD IT UP *
~~SUNDAYBLOODYSUNDAY~~

from the album "SUNNY
SIDE OF THE MOON"

COME OUT AND PLAY
FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT
BADD BITCH *
THE WALL
~~PEOPLE = SHIT~~ ● ~~NOOKIE~~
~~ROCK THE CASBAH~~
~~HOT FOR TEACHER~~
~~SUNDAYBLOODYSUNDAY~~
~~FREAK ON A LEASH~~
~~GIN & JUICE~~ ● ~~RAPE ME~~
~~GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS~~
~~BUST A MOVE~~ ● ~~CLOSER~~
~~BABY GOT BACK~~ ● ~~CREEP~~
~~THE SICKNESS~~

from the album
"SILENT NIGHTCLUB"

LIKE A VIRGIN
JINGLE BELLS
ICE ICE BABY
DO THEY KNOW IT'S
     CHRISTMAS
PERSONAL JESUS
IMAGINE
NAUGHTY GIRL
XMASTIME IS HERE
THE TREES
I MELT WITH YOU
SILENT NIGHT
~~CHRISTMAS IN VEGAS.~~
~~HOLIDAY IN CAMBODIA~~

from the album
"DICK AT NITE"

SOUTH PARK THEME
THREE'S COMPANY
SPIDER-MAN
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
THE BRADY BUNCH
FRIENDS
GOOD TIMES
BONANZA
THE JEFFERSONS
GILLIGAN'S ISLAND
SCOOBY DOO
WKRP IN CINCINATTI
~~AQUATEENHUNGERFORCE~~

from the album
"VIVA LA VODKA"

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
BRASS MONKEY
CRAZY BITCH
THREE'S COMPANY
DON'T CHA
TOXIC
YOU SHOOK ME
AIRBAG
GUERILLA RADIO
WKRP IN CINCINNATI
VIVA LAS VEGAS
VIVA LA VIDA
~~ME SO HORNY~~
~~LOLLIPOP~~

from the album
"OK BARTENDER"

~~SUPERSONIC~~
AIRBAG
STRONGER*
DIE MF DIE*
MY NECK, MY BACK*
SMACK THAT
POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME
LIGHT MY FIRE
SEE YOU AGAIN
YOU'RE THE INSPIRATION
FREEBIRD*
PERFECT SITUATION

coming soon:
"LAVAPALOOZA"

coming soon:
"BACK IN BLACK TIE"

from the album
"A LOUNGE SUPREME"

* indicates explicit lyrics printed on page

LYRIC SHEETS
- printed on 8½" x 11" paper
- suitable for framing
- one-of-a-kind
- free autograph

NOTE
LYRICS SHEETS MAY BE
MAILED SEPARATELY
FROM OTHER ITEMS.

WHY IS RICHARD
SELLING THESE?
Your support helps Richard
Cheese pay for the recording
costs of his CDs!

PERSONALLY SIGNED GREETING CARDS!

LIMITED EDITION!

BIRTHDAY CARD
"THANK YOU,
GOODNIGHT!"
click to enlarge

HOLIDAY CARD
"WISHING YOU
A SWINGIN'
HOLIDAY
SEASON"
click to enlarge

cartoon drawing
by U.K. artist
Douglas Pledger
www.douggy.com

BIRTHDAY CARD or CHRISTMAS CARD!
PERSONALLY SIGNED AND SENT FROM RICHARD CHEESE!

Have Dick send a personally signed holiday greeting card to someone on your list in December 2009!

Or, have Dick send a personally signed birthday card, anniversary card, or get well card to your loved one, any day of the year!!

Richard Cheese will sign the card personally to your friend, family member, or warden!

2 GREETING CARD CHOICES:

(A) MARTINI GREETING CARD
(birthday, anniversary, any occasion)
<- SAMPLE!
These cards will be sent within 7 days of order.

CARD A CAN BE USED FOR
ALL OCCASIONS, INCLUDING BIRTHDAY,
ANNIVERSARY, CONGRATULATIONS,
GRADUATION, OR GET WELL WISHES!

(B) HOLIDAY GREETING CARD
(Christmas season)

Holiday cards ordered today will be mailed
out in mid-December 2010.

RICHARD CHEESE GREETING CARD
PERSONALLY SIGNED
$3.95
[ $2.97 S&H ]

SELECT CARD TYPE

ENTER CARD RECIPIENT'S
FIRST AND LAST NAME:

ENTER RECIPIENT'S MAILING ADDRESS:
use a double slash // to separate address lines
TYPE IN ALL CAPS!
EXAMPLE: JOHN SMITH // 123 MAIN ST #554 // ANYTOWN NY 54321
INCLUDE THE BIRTHDATE!

INTERNATIONAL CUSTOMERS:
DO NOT PAY NON-U.S. ADD-ON FEE IF THIS
ITEM IS YOUR ONLY PURCHASE.

GREETING CARDS
- Full-color 4¼" X 5½" card
- Personally signed by RC
- Stuck in an envelope
- Mailed directly to the addressee
you provide!

WHAT A GREAT
GIFT IDEA!

NOTE
BE SURE TO SPECIFY THE
FULL NAME AND COMPLETE
ADDRESS OF WHO YOU
WANT THE CARD MAILED
TO. THAT NAME&ADDRESS
WILL BE PRINTED ON THE
OUTSIDE OF THE ENVELOPE,
THE ENVELOPE GETS
STAMPED, AND THAT GETS
PUT IN THE MAIL.

RICHARD CHEESE PERSONAL PHONE MESSAGE!

A PERSONAL VOICEMAIL MESSAGE FROM RICHARD CHEESE!

A PERSONAL CALL FROM RICHARD CHEESE
HAVE DICK CALL YOUR FRIEND AND LEAVE A
PERSONAL VOICEMAIL MESSAGE!

Birthday? Anniversary? Job Promotion? Acquittal? Whatever the occasion, just give us your friend's cellphone number, and Richard Cheese will PERSONALLY call and leave a personal voicemail message for him or her!

Richard will make the phone call on whatever day you specify, during normal business hours, assuming he's not drunk.

CLICK HERE TO HEAR A SAMPLE
VOICE MAIL MESSAGE!

OFFER DETAILS
RICHARD WILL NOT CALL AND TALK TO THE PERSON; THIS OFFER IS ONLY FOR A BRIEF VOICEMAIL MESSAGE TO BE LEFT ON THE PERSON'S VOICEMAIL. RICHARD WILL ONLY LEAVE ONE VOICEMAIL MESSAGE ON ONE CELLPHONE NUMBER PER CUSTOMER. WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CELLPHONE OR VOICEMAIL TECHNOLOGY PROBLEMS, AND ONCE RICHARD LEAVES THE MESSAGE, NO REFUNDS SHALL BE GIVEN. THIS OFFER IS FOR PERSONAL NON-COMMERCIAL USE ONLY. BROADCAST, PUBLIC REPLAY, DISTRIBUTION, OR OTHER UNAUTHORIZED USE OF VOICEMAIL MESSAGE IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. OFFER VOID WHERE PROHIBITED. OTHER RESTRICTIONS APPLY.

RICHARD CHEESE CALL
(USA/Canada only)
$45
[ $1.00 S&H ]

PERSONAL PHONE CALL
- Be sure to provide the
person's name, telephone
number, and the occasion.

MAKE SURE YOU ALSO
PROVIDE YOUR
CELLPHONE NUMBER AND
A WORKING EMAIL
ADDRESS, SO WE CAN
CONTACT YOU IF WE HAVE
QUESTIONS.

EXCLUSIVE!

WHAT A GREAT
GIFT IDEA!

NOTE
U.S. & CANADA PHONE
NUMBERS ONLY, SORRY.
We can do international
calls, but it will cost a lot
more. Email us for info.

WHY IS RICHARD
SELLING THESE?
Your support helps
Richard Cheese pay
for the recording costs
of his CDs!

GET YOUR NAME PRINTED IN THE CREDITS OF
THE NEW "LAVAPALOOZA" CD!

LIMITED TIME ONLY
SPECIAL OFFER!

"LAVAPALOOZA" ALBUM!

GET YOUR NAME PRINTED IN THE CREDITS OF
THE NEW "JOHNNY ALOHA: LAVAPALOOZA" CD!

LIMITED TIME ONLY SPECIAL OFFER!

Richard Cheese brings you an excitng all-new lounge music experience:
JOHNNY ALOHA: "LAVAPALOOZA".

The new "LAVAPALOOZA" CD will be released in Fall 2010, and you can get your name included in the "Special Thanks" section of the CD credits! It will look something like this:

Special Thanks to these people who paid to have their
name in this list: Linda Grand, Billy Dingles, Bruce
Wayne, The Foster Family, Jeff Boyardee, Don's BBQ
Saloon, Mrs. Columbo, etc....

For just $100, will will print your name, or your kid's name, or your business name, or your ex-wife's name in the CD credits! It'll impress your pals, and maybe get you that big promotion! Your support helps Richard Cheese pay for album recording costs for this sensational new act. Space is limited, so please act now and be a part of tiki music history!

NAME-IN-CREDITS OFFER
(IN "JOHNNY ALOHA: LAVAPALOOZA" CD ONLY)
$100
[ $0.00 S&H ]

PLEASE BUY THIS ITEM SEPARATELY
FROM OTHER MERCHANDISE.

ENTER THE NAME YOU
WANT PRINTED IN
THE ALBUM CREDITS:

(keep it short, no messages!)

PLEASE BUY THIS ITEM SEPARATELY.

INTERNATIONAL CUSTOMERS:
DO NOT PAY NON-U.S. ADD-ON FEE
IF THIS ITEM IS YOUR ONLY PURCHASE.

Where does the money go? Why is it $100? All proceeds from this offer help pay for album recording costs. Because these recordings feature other artists' songs, the royalty and publishing fees are very expensive. So, your contribution helps make recording new albums possible. Thank you for your support.

www.johnnyaloha.com

MAKES A GREAT
SURPRISE GIFT!
"Yes, honey, I got
YOUR name printed
in the CD credits!
Now how about
some lovin'?"

PLEASE BUY THIS
ITEM SEPARATELY
FROM OTHER
MERCHANDISE.

BE AN ACTOR IN THE "RICHARD CHEESE" MOVIE

LIMITED TIME ONLY
SPECIAL OFFER!

RICHARD CHEESE

BECOME A SPONSOR OF THE RICHARD CHEESE
MOVIE! GET YOUR NAME IN THE FILM CREDITS,
OR APPEAR AS AN EXTRA OR FEATURED ACTOR
IN THE MOVIE!!!

Be a part of Cheese History!

Richard Cheese is working on a movie about his band, his music, and his martinis. The movie could be released sometime in the next year or so, but Richard needs YOUR FINANCIAL SUPPORT to help fund production costs. By becoming a sponsor, you can help make this movie possible!

For just $250, we will include YOUR NAME in the closing credits of the movie!
For just $350, we will include YOUR NAME in the opening credits of the movie!
For just $500, you can APPEAR IN THE MOVIE as an extra in one of the concert scenes!
For just $2000, you can have all of the above plus a FEATURED ONE-LINE SPEAKING ROLE!
For just $10,000, you can have all of the above plus a scene FILMED AT YOUR HOME/BUSINESS!
For just $20,000, you can be listed as a CO-PRODUCER in the opening credits!
For just $100,000, we will NAME THE MOVIE AFTER YOU!

This is a limited time offer. Terms subject to change. Void where prohibited. Some restrictions apply. Details provided upon inquiry via email below.

RICHARD CHEESE
MOVIE SPONSORSHIP
[ various sponsorship levels ]
EMAIL US FOR
PURCHASE INFO
lounge@richardcheese.com
Serious inquiries only, please.

ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME
OPPORTUNITY!
You'll be forever
immortalized in
movie history!

HELP RICHARD CHEESE
BRING HIS SWING TO
THE BIG SCREEN!

TIGER-STRIPED TUX

click to enlarge

CUSTOM TIGER-STRIPED TUXEDO JACKET
PERSONALLY TAILORED FOR YOU!

Now you can own an exclusive custom-made tiger-striped tuxedo jacket, just like the one Richard Cheese wears and has to get dry-cleaned 35 times a year. Each jacket is one-of-a-kind, made-to-order by our expert tailor, according to your personal measurements.

JACKET FEATURES
Double-breasted "smoking jacket" style
Soft 'n' fuzzy imitation tiger-stripe fabric
Satin-like lapel and cuffs
Quality structure and padding
Three outside pockets and one inside pocket
"Richard Cheese" brand label sewn inside
Dry-clean only

TIGER-STRIPED TUXEDO JACKET
$2295.99
[ $23.57 S&H ]
EMAIL US FOR
PURCHASE INFO
lounge@richardcheese.com
Serious inquiries only, please.

- made in the u.s.a.
- snazzy!
- jazzy!
- dry clean only!
- limited time offer
- please allow up to 120 days
for delivery
- additional tailoring services
not included
- no refunds, all sales final
- tiger pattern/fabric may vary

RICHARD CHEESE PRIORITY MAIL ADD-ON!

PRIORITY MAIL ADD-ON
GET YOUR ENTIRE ORDER SHIPPED FASTER!

If you want U.S. POSTAL SERVICE PRIORITY MAIL shipping for your order, just add-on the extra $6.90 to your order.

According to the USPS, Priority Mail Packages are "delivered in an average of 2-3 days" to any U.S. destination, including PO boxes and military addresses.

Your order will be delivered approximately 2-3 days after the ship date listed above.

DO NOT ORDER THIS FOR STARTER KIT OR 9-PACK!
PRIORITY MAIL IS ALREADY INCLUDED
IN THOSE PRICES!!!

PRIORITY MAIL ADD-ON
U.S. CUSTOMERS ONLY
$6.90
[ $0.01+6.89 S&H ]

*PRIORITY MAIL IS
AVAILABLE FOR
U.S. CUSTOMERS
ONLY.

IMPORTANT
NOTE
IF YOU ORDER MORE THAN
14 OUNCES OF MERCHANDISE,
WE'LL AUTOMATICALLY SEND
YOUR U.S. ORDER VIA PRIORITY
MAIL, AT NO ADDITIONAL
COST! SO, DON'T BUY THIS
OPTION IF YOU ALREADY
BOUGHT A BUNCH OF STUFF!

RICHARD CHEESE RUSH SHIPPING!

EXPRESS MAIL RUSH SERVICE
THE FASTEST WAY TO GET YOUR CHEESE!

If you want U.S. POSTAL SERVICE EXPRESS MAIL service, you need to send us an email message with your complete name, address, and phone number to lounge@richardcheese.com. The cost of $37.90 will be charged. Sorry, Express Mail is really expensive!

Express Mail orders received after 11:59AM PST will be processed on the next business day. Delivery will be within 2 business days after we acknowledge receipt of your order.

EXPRESS MAIL ADD-ON
U.S. CUSTOMERS ONLY
$37.90
[ $0.01+37.89 S&H ]

ENTER YOUR NAME
AND YOUR PHONE
NUMBER
(XXX) XXX-XXXX

EXPRESS MAIL IS
AVAILABLE FOR
U.S. CUSTOMERS
ONLY.

RICHARD CHEESE NON-U.S. CUSTOMER SHIPPING FEE

NON-U.S. SHIPPING FEE
FOR ALL COUNTRIES OUTSIDE USA, INCLUDING EU, CANADA, FPO/APO, BVI, ETC.
AND FOR APO/FPO ADDRESSES.

ATTENTION NON-U.S. CUSTOMERS:
You must pay a NON-U.S. SHIPPING FEE.
Add this fee into your shopping cart BEFORE you shop.
DO THIS ONCE ONLY!

DO NOT pay this fee if you are buying a GREETING CARD and NOTHING ELSE.

NON-U.S. SHIPPING FEE
NON-U.S. AND APO/FPO
CUSTOMERS ONLY
$11.60
[ $0.02 + 11.58 S&H ]

ENTER YOUR PHONE NUMBER

DO NOT use any foreign characters!
ä ß ï º Σ ú

WARNING: Non-U.S. orders may take 2 to 4 weeks to pass through customs.
Additional customs fees may be added by your country's government. Sorry!

ONLY PAY
THIS FEE
ONCE
IN YOUR
SHOPPING
CART.

CRAZY SALE!

RULES:
1) YOU CAN BUY MULTIPLE ITEMS FROM THE CRAZY BOX. JUST PUT EACH OF YOUR CRAZY ITEMS IN THE SAME SHOPPING CART.

2) YOU CAN ALSO BUY OTHER NON-CRAZY ITEMS ON THIS PAGE ABOVE; EVERYTHING WILL BE SHIPPED TOGETHER.

3) SORRY, THE CRAZY SALE ITEMS ARE FOR U.S. CUSTOMERS ONLY.

4) NO REFUNDS. NO RETURNS. MAKE SURE YOUR ADDRESS IS CORRECT BEFORE YOU ORDER.

5) PRICES VALID ONLY WHILE SUPPLIES LAST OR UNTIL WE SAY SO.

CRAZY BOX!
SALE ITEMS:

NINE "I'D LIKE A VIRGIN" CDs $15.38 9 CDs!

NINE "DICK AT NITE" CDs $15.29 9 CDs!

FIVE RICHARD CHEESE BUSINESS CARD MAGNETS $6.20 (not shown)

TWO GIRLS SMALL "FABULOUS VEGAS" T-SHIRTS $7.22 2 SHIRTS!

FIFTY "DICK AT NITE" CDs $69.33

50 CDs!

FIFTY "DICK AT NITE" CDs $69.33

50 CDs!

PURCHASE HERE!
U.S. CUSTOMERS ONLY!

PLUS $5.97 SHIPPING/HANDLING

WHY IS RICHARD SELLING PHONE
CALLS AND LYRIC SHEETS AND
ALL THAT OTHER CRAP?

Why does it cost so much? Where will the money go?? Is Dick selling out???

Since Richard Cheese sings other people's songs, he doesn't make very much
money off of his CDs. And, his previous albums are owned and controlled by
other record labels, so he doesn't make very much money off of those CDs. So,
Richard is trying to raise cash to fund recording sessions, album production,
website expenses, and taxes. We hope you will please support Dick so he can
continue making lounge music for you.

Thanks for your support!

IF YOU ARE UNDER 18, DO NOT ORDER ITEMS WITHOUT PERMISSION FROM YOUR PARENTS.

Customer Service

CUSTOMER SERVICE

Orders placed today will be shipped on the date listed at the top of this page here at shop.richardcheese.com. THIS IS THE DATE THAT YOUR ORDER WILL BE SHIPPED. WRITE IT DOWN!

BEFORE you contact us, PLEASE READ this entire Customer Service section.

PLEASE DON'T SUBMIT A PAYPAL "DISPUTE" CASE. THAT SLOWS US DOWN. A LOT. SERIOUSLY.

ORDER QUESTIONS

If you haven't received your order within 21 days of the ship date, please wait a couple more days.

WAIT A SECOND!!! Did you give us your correct mailing address in your PayPal order? Go verify that RIGHT NOW. If you gave us the wrong address, let us know IMMEDIATELY by emailing us. If we already shipped your order, then you're in for a LONG DELAY. First, we have to wait for the shipment to be returned to us before we can ship it to the correct address. AND, on top of that, we're going to have to charge you again for re-shipping. Good job.

BEFORE YOU CONTACT US, make sure you check with your postal mail carrier and your local post office to see if they're, um, holding your package. They might have attempted delivery while you were out, or maybe the package wouldn't fit in your mailbox, or maybe the postman thought it was special enough to hold for you. You must contact your LOCAL DELIVERY POST OFFICE, the one that serves YOUR address. Or, talk directly to the mailman on your route. They have the answers!!!!

Seriously, wait a couple days/weeks, the U.S. Postal Service always comes through. We have shipped THOUSANDS of CDs to our customers over the years, and we have NEVER LOST AN ORDER. Just be patient.

BEFORE YOU CONTACT US, MAKE SURE that you are checking your email inbox for our messages. Do you have messages from lounge@richardcheese.com OR mstand@coveragerecords.com in your junk mail box?

You will NOT receive a shipment confirmation email from us, we DON'T have a tracking number for you, and you need to just RELAX. We trust the USPS, they have never ever lost one of our orders.

If you are nevertheless a paranoid impatient namby-pamby who is convinced that your order is missing, or if you have any other questions, please send us an email:

Please be sure to email us from the same email address you ordered with!
Please forward us your PAYPAL TRANSACTION RECEIPT EMAIL.
If you don't have the receipt, then log-in to your paypal account, find it, and email it to us. Be sure to email us from the same email address you ordered with!
Please forward ALL this information to: customerservice@coveragerecords.com, and BE SPECIFIC AND DETAILED IN YOUR MESSAGE QUESTION. We will reply within 48hours.

We love our fans and we will do our best to make you happy. Email us at customerservice@coveragerecords.com, and we will work hard to take care of your order.

If you want a refund, just ask. Complete refunds are available if you request a refund before your order is shipped. You must request your refund within 72 hours of purchase. We love our fans and we will do our best to make you happy. Exchanges of defective merchandise are allowed within 15 days of delivery. No returns/exchanges/refunds on clothing items, sorry.

PLEASE DON'T SUBMIT A PAYPAL "DISPUTE" CASE. THAT SLOWS US DOWN. A LOT. SERIOUSLY.

PAYMENT

We use PAYPAL for all our transactions; it's REALLY easy, they accept credit cards, no sign-up required. All prices are in U.S. Dollars. Questions? Visit www.paypal.com.

We cannot accept payment any other way; no checks, no money orders, no phone orders, no postal orders. Only PayPal. Sorry. If you don't have a credit card, you can use PayPal to pay through a bank account. Don't tell us that PayPal sucks, because they really don't. Millions of people use PayPal every day, we sell thousands of items every year. So, don't blame PayPal; it's your fault if you can't hook it up.

Before you begin shopping, PLEASE make sure that the email address and the shipping address you provide to PayPal are your CURRENT and CORRECT addresses. If you provide us with an invalid address, we will charge you for postage and we will charge you again to re-send your order!

Update your PayPal account addresses by editing your profile at PayPal.com.
Click "Profile," then select "Edit Email" and "Edit Street Address."

Your Richard Cheese purchase transaction via PayPal will appear on your credit-card statement as "WIS MUSICCD" or "WIS RCHEES ALOHA CD" in California. You will receive a PAYPAL TRANSACTION DETAIL RECEIPT EMAIL. Please print it and save the email for reference!

Make sure that you do not have our email addresses in your "junkmail" filter: you may receive messages from "cr2010 @ wishq.com" or "lounge @ richardcheese.com" or "customerservice@coveragerecords.com."

California residents will be charged sales tax. On concert ticket purchases, residents may be charged local and state sales tax, too. International customers may be charged a customs fee by your government. Sorry.

Some items/sizes may be discontinued without notice.

All of the CDs we sell at this website (except "LATM" CD) are packaged in a recycle-friendly cardboard jacket; no plastic jewel boxes here!

If we mail your shipment to your address and it is returned to us by the post office, we will NOT re-send it to the same address. You will have to provide a new address. We don't make the same mistake twice. So be sure to give us an address that WORKS in the first place.

SHIPPING

PLEASE make sure that the email address and the shipping address you provide to PayPal are your CURRENT and CORRECT addresses. If you provide us with an invalid address, we will charge you for postage and we will charge you again to re-send your order!

Update your PayPal account addresses by editing your profile at PayPal.com.
Click "Profile," then select "Edit Email" and "Edit Street Address."

Orders will be sent via first-class U.S. Postal Service (USPS) mail, not UPS. UPS sucks.

We usually process all orders within 10 working days, a little longer for autographed items. International orders may take an extra couple weeks. Please be patient, we're a small operation run by drunks.

You will NOT receive a shipment confirmation email from us, we DON'T have a tracking number for you, and you need to just RELAX. We trust the USPS, they have never ever lost one of our orders.

To place a Priority Mail order, purchase the "PRIORITY MAIL ADD-ON" option (add it to your shopping cart with your other items in the same order). Priority mail orders will be sent out on or before the current shipdate. According to the USPS, Priority Mail Packages are "delivered in an average of 2-3 days" from the above ship date to any U.S. destination, including PO boxes and military addresses. That's all we can tell you.

To place a rush/overnight order, see the "EXPRESS MAIL SHIPPING" option. But watchout, it's expensive.

If you haven't received your order within 30 days of the ship date, please wait a couple more days.

NON-U.S. CUSTOMERS

Please be sure to click on the "NON-U.S. CUSTOMERS" order page.

DO NOT use any foreign characters! ä ß ï º Σ ú NO NO NO!

Non-U.S. orders demand higher shipping and handling fees, due to extra customs forms and packaging required for shipments outside the U.S. border.

Non-U.S. orders may take several additional weeks for shipping.

WARNING:
ADDITIONAL CUSTOMS FEES MAY BE ADDED BY YOUR COUNTRY'S GOVERNMENT. SORRY.

ALL PURCHASES SUBJECT TO TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF THIS WEBSITE.
WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE SERVICE TO ANYONE FOR ANY REASON AT OUR SOLE DISCRETION.
ORDER QUANTITIES MAY BE LIMITED. SOME ITEMS/SIZES MAY BE DISCONTINUED WITHOUT NOTICE.
THE CROW FLIES AT MIDNIGHT.

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Dear Richard Cheese fan--

I appreciate your support of my music. However, instead of buying one of my CDs, I would prefer that you please consider donating that money to help those adversely affected by hurricanes, floods, fires, earthquakes, and Republicans.

MAKE A DONATION

Thank you, and best wishes.

--RC

A LETTER FROM EXECUTIVE PRODUCER JACK MONTEREY ABOUT DIGITAL MUSIC PIRACY

Hello. Thanks very much for buying a fabulous Richard Cheese CD. We truly hope you enjoy the album, and we also hope you will tell all your friends about Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine.

However, we would like to respectfully ask our fans to resist the temptation to make copies of Richard's songs and give them out via MP3, CDR, email, Kazaa, or any other kind of "Napsteresque" file sharing. Unauthorized internet distribution like this is a big problem that really hurts Richard Cheese and your other favorite artists.

Richard, his band, and many other people spent lots of time, energy, and money making this CD. We're not a big media corporation with lots of money; Richard takes money out of his own pocket to pay for these CDs.

So, when you upload MP3s or give away burned CDRs, that means fewer people will go out and buy the CD. And that means Richard won't be able to recoup his investment, and that means he can't afford to record any more albums. This is the real and serious consequence of music piracy and illegal downloading.

Yes, the internet helps spread the Cheese, and we do appreciate the great exposure. But recording, manufacturing, and distribution cost money, and we have to sell as many CDs as possible just to break even. We aren't in this business just to make money--we don't want a huge profit; just enough to continue making more albums for you to enjoy.

We do this because we love the idea, we love the music, but most of all, we love the fans who support us. So, please keep supporting us by respecting our hard work, and by making sure you aren't participating in or enabling the crime of stealing music. Or else I'll come after you with a fucking bayonet.

Both I and Richard truly appreciate your understanding, cooperation, and help. Thank you for believing in the cheese.

Best,

Jack Monterey, Executive Producer
Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine
lounge@richardcheese.com

ATTENTION TATTOO SHOPS:
WANNA SELL RICHARD CHEESE CDs
IN YOUR STORE?
visit
tattoo.richardcheese.com

THANK YOU!
COME AGAIN!

all of Richard Cheese's albums
are available on iTunes
iTunes!
search "Richard Cheese"

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