STAGEPLOT & TECH RIDER

Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine performs jazzy swing versions of popular rock songs.  The band prefers to play quietly; think mellow martini lounge.    Don't crank it up to 11.  We play at 5

.

► INPUT LIST  -  Our basic band set-up is a very simple jazz trio:  piano, drums, bass, plus one vocalist (Richard Cheese).

1, 2 keyboard L+R
stereo 1/4" outs, left and right, DI+DI.
or sometimes we just give you a 1/4" mono out

3, 4 lead vocal + spare lead vocal
lead vocal wireless microphone on channel 3.
lead vocal wired microphone on channel 4, as a standby spare (muted unless needed).
(we only have one singer, using two microphones.)
both microphones should be on skinny straight stick stands (not booms), with small round base (not tripod).

5, 6 upright bass (carved bass, but sometimes we use an electric upright bass)
direct out from pickup and/or mic the amp.

7+ drums
kick and high-hat microphones are all we need; more microphones are up to you.  no overheads, that's overkill.

X1, X2 audience
When recording our shows, we like to record the audience with two room microphones.  Keep them away from the super noisy bar, please.
 

► P.A.  -  Please set-up for a standard jazz trio, not a rock band.  Don't crank it up to 11.  We play at 5.

SERIOUSLY, we like to play quiet.  We don't rock, we LOUNGE.

Basic sound system P.A. should include:
  - just two Main Speakers
  - minimum 8-Channel Mixer
  - microphones 'n' cables
  - 4 Monitor Wedges with 4 separate mixes   (actually, 5 wedges, because the vocalist needs two if you have plenty)
 

Or, if we're playing an intimate area (wedding cocktail hour, backyard patio, whorehouse waiting room, etc.), then we'll just need the P.A. for Richard's vocal.  The piano and the bass just need little amps, and the drummer is plenty loud already.

If you can't supply a P.A., we will rent one for $800, plus delivery, and you pay for it.  We also require a qualified Sound Engineer to set-up and run that equipment, because we don't know anything about that stuff.  Or, we can bring our own engineer for a fee.

DON'T MAKE IT LOUD, OR RICHARD WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE THROAT.

► STAGING NEEDS  -  Stage area should be 20' x 24' if possible.  We love playing on the floor.  If you have us on a stage, please DON'T USE A HOLLOW WOODEN BOX PLATFORM STAGE, that sucks for our sound.  We'd rather play on the floor.  Simple is best.

No drum riser, but we do need a drum rug.

We also need:
 - a small cocktail table
 - a stool for the bass player
 - two music stands, at least one needs to have a light attached to it
 - a roll of black duct tape (or "gaff" tape apparently)

And, you better have the A/C on COLD, because we like it chilly!

Dick likes to leave the stage and mingle with the audience, so make sure there is a staircase for him to step down as he descends from the stage to grope the lady humps.

► LIGHTING

We're really easy on this.  Just set it, not too bright, leave it the same way for the whole show.  No fade-ups/fade-downs, no strobes, nothing fancy.  Also, Dick needs to see some of the people in the audience, so leave the house lights on a tiny bit.

► STAGEPLOT -  Here is our fancy stageplot diagram (click to enlarge) (if you know what I mean):

And here are some pix of us in smaller venues:

► AUDIENCE  - We prefer standing-room general admission audience.  No chairs, no bar tables, no barriers, no VIP seating.  Just let people stand directly in front of the stage.  If you insist that the crowd has to be seated, put the tables and chairs all the way up to the front of the stage, tight.  No buffer zone.  Buffer zones are for pussies.

Dance floors are bad.  Our audience DOES NOT DANCE.  EVER.

So don't put one of those fucking wooden dance areas down on the floor.  That scares people away.  They form a line along the edge of the floor and it looks like they're waiting at a subway platform.  Just let the people stand near the stage, and stop trying to make everything into a fucking hoedown!

► MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS  -  We usually bring our own instruments to local gigs.  For out-of-town gigs, we can rent gear, or we can ship our own instruments anywhere, as long as you pay the bill.

PIANO - We use an 88-key keyboard.  We prefer a Roland RD-700 keyboard or similar.  Keyboard must have stereo 1/4" L/R outs, DI connection, power cord, sustain pedal.  We also require a heavy-duty adjustable "folding X" keyboard stand and a stool.  Or we bring our own.  Of course, if you have a real Yamaha Grand Piano or Baby Grand Piano, that would kick ass.  Also acceptable:  Roland RD-600, Roland FP-2, Yamaha P-250, Yamaha P-120, Yamaha P-80, Yamaha Motif 8.  We will NOT use a Kurzweil PC-88 or PC-2; we used those twice, and mid-gig, they shut down on us.  Twice.  Wackity Wack!

BASS - We use a 3/4 carved upright bass, plywood w/steel strings, transducer pickup already set-up/installed (i.e. Underwood).  Sometimes, we use our electric upright bass (EURB, with a David Gage Realist Pickup), which sounds just as good but is way easier to transport.  Click here for a picture of a typical EURB.

In any case, we always prefer to bring our own bass, because most rented basses suck.  To ship our bass, plan on paying around $500 roundtrip.  You might need to provide a minivan or truck to drive our upright bass trunk from the airport to the hotel to the venue, then back to the hotel, and then back to the airport.  Sometimes, the upright bass needs to be taken to a nice restaurant and a movie, too.

BASS AMP - For our upright bass, we need one of these amps:

• SWR WorkingPro 2x10c

• SWR Redhead

• SWR Black Beauty

• GK Backline 210

VOCAL - Only one vocal.  We usually use our own wireless microphone, which has a 1/4" out.  We also need one Shure SM58 with a 50-foot cable as a backup.  If your microphones are smelly, Richard Cheese will throw a psychotic fit.  Richard prefers a straight-stick microphone stand (not a boom), and a small round base (not a tripod or one of those weird crescent ones).  Please don't give us a rusted rickety rattling microphone stand that can't be adjusted.  A good new microphone stand costs $38, go buy one if you don't have one.

Sometimes, like if there's no P.A., we need a vocal amp.  We enjoy the Roland KC550.

Other acts and announcers and clients MUST USE THEIR OWN SEPARATE MICROPHONES; no sharing!!

DRUMS - We need a standard drumset, YAMAHA STAGE CUSTOM preferred. You may mic the drums as needed, but they're generally loud enough without.  Remember, we play QUIET.  If you do decide to put microphones over the kit, try not to block the audience's view of our drummer or our drumhead logo.   Specs:

• 20" kick

• 10" rack tom

• 14" floor tom

• 6"x14" snare

• 14" New Beat Zildjian high-hat

• Cymbals (if we don't bring our own):  21" A-Zildjian sweet ride, 16" A-Zildjian crash

• All hardware including DW 5000 pedal and a Roc'N'Soc drum throne

• Drum rug - very important!

• Drum key - so we can put our head on your kick!

• No drum riser!

We can also ship all of our own gear anywhere in the U.S. for an additional $3000 and you pay for it.  Hell, you can buy us all new gear for around $3500.  Do that for us, thanks!

► OTHER STUFF

DRESSING ROOM / HOSPITALITY - We need a secure, safe, private dressing room for the band.  We need this stuff in it:

• 12 clean towels

• case of bottled water (12 room temperature and 12 refrigerated); Fiji or Dasani preferred

• a bag of plain potato chips

• a very small and simple deli/veggie platter ( turkey, roast beef, cheese, carrots, celery, olives, etc.)

• 6-pack of Corona

• plus the band gets a reasonable bar allowance (including well drinks) and free food.

HOT WATER - To brew his magical singing tea, Richard requires a clean tea-kettle full of plain hot water (NOT IN A COFFEE POT, DAMN IT), and about eight cardboard coffee cups (like Starbucks has) with those white plastic drinky lids.

A/C - We need the venue COLD.  Turn on the A/C and leave it on so it's nice and frosty.  Don't be cheap about this; be cool, man!

SECURITY - We require adequate security for the band, our vehicles, our dressing room stuff, and our equipment on stage.  Suicidal psychotic gun-toting Pantera fans are prohibited at all times.

PHOTOGRAPHY / VIDEOTAPING - Amateur photography is okay, but NO videotaping please.  And if you have any press photographers, tell them to take their pictures only when Dick is wearing his tiger-striped tuxedo, and only during one song.  Enough with the flashbulbs!

AUDIO RECORDING - We can record our shows, but no one else can.

INTERVIEWS - Richard Cheese will gladly do advance interviews with local press, TV and radio, and busty young cheerleaders.  Please visit our PRESSKIT page.

CONTRACT - We make you sign a contract, and we ask for a non-refundable deposit of at least $1500 in advance, sometimes more.  Get the checkbook, Linda!

► INTRODUCING THE BAND - The name of the act is Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine.

It is NOT "Richard Cheese and THE Lounge Against The Machine".

It is NOT "Richard Cheese Lounge Against The Machine."

There is an & in there.

Some might call it a 'n', but it's really just an 'and' there.

So, just say it like this:    Ladies and Gentlemen.....Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine!

or, if you're lazy, just this:   Ladies and Gentlemen.....Richard Cheese!

► TECHNICAL CONTACT
Michael Stand, tour manager
lounge@richardcheese.com
( 818 ) 763 - 5600
(Please don't call before 12noon California time, he's lazy!)

DO NOT CALL THIS NUMBER ABOUT CUSTOMER SERVICE / ORDERS.
GO HERE:  shop.richardcheese.com

► Alright, you've read this far...now book the band, dammit!

DON'T CALL US, DON'T EMAIL US; FILL OUT THE ENTIRE BOOKING FORM AND EMAIL IT TO US FIRST.
Please email this info to:  lounge@richardcheese.com

Thank you.