TRAVELLING TO  LAS VEGAS  FOR THE FIRST TIME?

Here are some of Dick's Vegas Tips for your next trip to the most fabulous city in the world!

Las Vegas, Nev!
 

1)  Flying into Vegas?  Don't bother renting a car, if you're just visiting the strip, use taxis, hotel shuttles, and the city bus.  Taxi lines are sometimes long, so plan ahead so you don't have to spend so much time standing behind drunks.

2)  It's always preferable to stay on The Strip, so you're near all the action.  The closer you get to the airport, the newer and more congested it gets; it's better to stay near the original Strip casinos (Stardust, Sahara, Flamingo) to preserve some of the traditional experience, and you'll get some welcome relief from the new "amusement park" corporate properties (Luxor, New York, New York, Paris, etc.) and their tourist clientele.  Of course, the Hard Rock, the Palms, the W, and some of the hipper hotels are fun, too.  For hotel rooms on a budget, we also recommend the Amerisuites, the Casino Royale, and the Gold Coast.

Here are some reservation numbers for the strip area:
Hard Rock Hotel 800-693-7625 702-693-5000
Amerisuites 702-369-3366
Casino Royale 800-854-7666 702-737-3500
Gold Coast 888-402-6278
Harrah's 800-634-6765 702-369-5000
Stardust Hotel 800-634-6757
Treasure Island 800-944-7444
Imperial Palace 800-634-6441
MGM Grand Hotel 800-929-1111
Caesar's Palace 800-634-6661
Mirage 800-627-6667
Tropicana 800-634-4000
Venetian 888-283-6423 702-414-1000
Flamingo 800-732-2111 702-733-3111
Mandalay Bay 877-632-7000
Las Vegas Hilton 702-732-5111
Aladdin Hotel 800-634-3424 702-785-5555
Bally's Hotel 800-634-3434 702-739-4111
New York New York 702-740-6050
Monte Carlo 800-311-8999
Paris 888-266-5687
Rio 800-752-9746
Sunset Station Hotel 702-432-7777 (15minutes off the strip, but a nice place)

 

3)  Don't eat at the buffets unless you want to get fat.  The food is okay (not fantastic, just okay), but you're better off trying some of the coffee shops and "big name" restaurants.  Dick recommends Mr. Lucky's Restaurant (open 24hours) inside the Hard Rock Hotel, and the coffee shops in Treasure Island and The Mirage.  PF Chang's at the Aladdin has great Asian dishes, you can't beat Benihana at the Las Vegas Hilton, and the coolest restaurant is AJ's Steakhouse inside the Hard Rock Hotel.  Mandalay Bay has a lot of restaurants, including the Red, White & Deli, but don't go to StripSteak, because it's really fucking outrageously expensive.  Like, $142 for a steak.  I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING YOU.

4)  Dick's don't miss attractions:

• The Hard Rock Hotel - greatest casino hotel in town

• Penn & Teller at The Rio ( www.pennandteller.com )

• All of the Art Galleries (at The Venetian, Bellagio, and the Wynn)

• The Bowling Alley at The GoldCoast

• The French Bistro at The Wynn

• Downtown Fremont Street Experience (light show changes every hour, real cool)

• Shopping at Caesar's Palace Forum Shops and The Venetian Canals

• Ride the diagonal elevator at The Luxor (but don't eat there!)

• The Atomic Bomb Testing Museum

• The Liberace Museum

• Rehab at The Hard Rock Hotel

• Star Trek Experience at Las Vegas Hilton

• M&M Store, and don't miss the movie

• Best Strip clubs:  Glitter Gulch, Club Paradise, Olympic Gardens

• Best Dive Bar:  DoubleDown Saloon

• Best Lounge Singer:  Richard Cheese

5)  Dating tips:

• That's not her real name.

• That's not her real phone number.

• That's not her real rack.

• That superhot girl who walked up to you at the bar?  Hooker.

• That superhot girl who walked up to you at the taxi line?  Trannie.

• That superhot girl who walked up to you at the Richard Cheese show?  Mine!

6)  Gambling tips:

• Don't play anything but blackjack and craps, slots are a waste
  of time/money.

• Wanna play poker?  You're a dork.

• Go downtown for craps, play at the $1 and $2 tables.

• They give you free drinks when you gamble---because the
  drunker you get, the more you gamble, so watch out.

• Las Vegas was built using the money that people
  bet and lost...they couldn't build all those hotels
  and casinos if everyone won, could they?
  So don't gamble, you idiot.

6)  Trip planning:

Give yourself at least three days to really enjoy your trip.  Any less, and you'll just be tired the whole time.

Give yourself four days if you want to see a lot of shows and go shopping.

Give yourself five days if you want to include a visit to Hoover Dam
(totally amazing and cool, but you need rent a car to get there).

Give yourself a week if you want to get sick of Vegas and
never want to come back ever again because you've seen it all
and you can't stand it anymore plus you're broke plus you caught chlamydia.

7)  Viva Las Vegas!
 

Here are some songs that you should play in your car while driving to Vegas:

ELVIS PRESLEY - VIVA LAS VEGAS
DEAN MARTIN - WHO'S GOT THE ACTION
TOM JONES - IT'S NOT UNUSUAL
FRANK SINATRA - LUCK BE A LADY
STEELY DAN - DO IT AGAIN
TONY BENNETT - RAGS TO RICHES
SHIRLEY BASSEY - GOLDFINGER
BRIAN SETZER ORCHESTRA - TOWN WITHOUT PITY
BOBBY DARIN - MACK THE KNIFE
SAMMY DAVIS, JR. - FABULOUS PLACES
WAYNE NEWTON - DANKE SCHANE
RICHARD CHEESE - CHRISTMAS IN LAS VEGAS